have you ever seen the exorcist?

[sawah34]

okay kids, this time i have a little time to write. here's what's going on. ...actually i don't remember what i wrote the last time i was here a while ago, so here's a complete update. amy and destiny live with me. destiny is a jr. in highschool and amy just graduated this year and came down from WA to live with my dad. i foresaw the problems and made her move in with me. she works at a couple of places and is help out abit with the finances of life. destiny gets $70.00 a month from my dad because he's a lunatic and thinks that that's what a 17 year old costs....ummmm....GROCERIES maybe! not to mention school clothes, money to get her registered, girly things, new shoes, etc. anyways, my mom i think is too poor to add anything to our lump sum, so we're eating mac and cheese 4 days a week. anyways, i was working like almost 65 hours a week and fried myself. i now have mental problems and have to take long vacations. i also cut my hours by half, so that doesn't help especially if i'm going to have $2,000 for the trip to the philippines for christmas 2006! paul's family and i are going back there with paul..(he gets home in JULY!) for christmas for about a month or so, but i'm not too sure if paul and i are going to be staying there for about a year. we haven't decided yet...but it's a defenite possibility. anyways, machelle's back from her mission now and has been living with my dad for about 2 months. she's moving out now....ummm, let me rephrase that...she's being kicked out becasue my psychotic step mom, julie is a totally nut case, (and when i say nut case , i mean seriously has been highly suggested that she NEEDS to be in a mental institution.) anyways and she won't move back in if machelle lives there. so, machelle a returned missionary of almost 2 months has just gotten a job this month and planned on living at home so she can save money for BYU. but she has to move to a single's ward bishops home that she's only met once and has to pay rent and all that stuff because my step-mom is a beast....i hate her so much. she has these problems...i think she's bi polar and a schitzo. she thinks my sisters and i are deceitful and "after her". she's become a drunk and has the worst mouth ever. she gets mad at my dad if he goes to church and leaves her alone, but she refuses to ever go with him. and then feels anger at him if she feels bad about not wanting him to go. she's tried multiple times of killing herself and someday my dad is going to walk in that house and find her dead. why would he ever want to be with that!? what's the point in being married to someone if they don't feel the same importance in your beliefs, wants one of you to die, pushes the other side of your family away from you, ignores you for weeks, because you go to church....COME ON! AM I THE ONLY ONE THAT SEES THIS WOMAN FOR WHAT SHE REALLY IS?!!! and the only reason my dad is staying with her is because this will be his fourth divorce and doesn't want to feel like a failure. we all know, even he knows that his life would be better if she was gone, but he doesn't want to be single again with the shadow of four ex-wives. so it comes down to the fact that he would rather choose a devil of a wife ( seriously...have you ever seen the exorcist?) over the four daughters that love him and actually care whether he died or not, and wants to make sure he's had enough sleep, and enough to eat and such. he knows that he's never gotten to know us and he really wants to but he's running out of time fast. it's probably too late for the older of us anyways. whatever. i'm not the one to save him. If he thinks that this woman is more important then everyone and everything else, including his religion, than fine. whatever.
okay, today i swallowed my pride and applied for financial assistance from the state. i hate saying that. i'm so freakin' ashamed. i'm really starting to hate myself for it. i can't let destiny go back to my dad's house. and if he knew then he would make her. at least at my house she's loved and fed. she weighed 105 when she lived there and now she is 135. that should tell you something. and she's still freaking skinny!!!
machelle was over here a few days ago. she was picking up some suitcases to use for her move. i invited her to live here but she doesn't want to. she likes her new job and our house is only a one bedroom. des sleeps in the well...i guess it's considered the library. it's got the double doors off from the living room and amy sleeps on the pull out couch. at least mac knows where to go if she ever does need anything.
paul has finally been transfered. he's been on the island of bohol since he got there. and now he's on Negroes. it makes me feel better because bohol was only about 50 or 60 miles around and negroes is alot bigger. i hate all the tropical storms and such. i hate it when he's near water at all! and those who are LDS will know why.
i'm tired. i'm going to go home and do the dishes. i might even see paul's family tonight. we haven't seen each other in weeks becasue maria's job is making her nuts and she's been working all hours of the day and night. anyways i'll talk to you all later. love, sarah