you all deserve to know that I've lost my mind.
In Mike Carden's Garden
a very short story about a radish. (g, 420 words)
In Mike Carden's garden, there's a fence named Pete Wentz.
In Mike Carden's Garden, there is a fence;
a mighty strong fence, whose name is Pete Fence.
Pete Fence got cracked in the last major storm
but the handyman fixed him, well and warm.
(Pete has black char marks across his boards. Which is weird, because Mike is pretty sure he didn't get hit by any lightening.)
Handy Andy Hurley! A handyman's man.
He likes Carden's Garden, he's a big fan.
And just as well, cos that old hickory tree
split wide open so Patrick Stump could see.
(After Handy Andy helps Mike clear away the brambles from the fallen tree, Pete Fence and Patrick Stump become fast friends, along with Joe, the orange gas-powered lawnmower.)
Ryan Rose Bush was a handful to tame,
with thorns and prickles and least of all flames:
Brendon the Furie lived in his branches
and spat fire when Mike tried to take chances.
(To this day, the only person ever able to take a rose off Ryan Rose Bush without being set on fire is Danny Carden.)
There were fireflies, named Maja and Frank,
who came out at night and played the best pranks.
They hid out in a bottle of whisky,
an empty bottle, called himself Sisky.
(Maja and Frank are devious, shining their lights in Pete Fence's eyes and harassing Brendon the Furie. Sisky Whisky is a good hideout. Brendon can't get in there.)
Travis McCoy, he's got a lot of bounce.
Good, 'cause Greta the Chicken loves to pounce
on him, a good looking red rubber ball;
he's the favorite toy, loved by them all!
(Greta the Chicken is Danny's best friend. Greta came with the house - Mike can't get rid of her. He was going to eat her, until his daughter befriended her. Now he's stuck with a chicken as a pet.)
But William Bucket, now he's full of use,
carrying mud and feed; he takes abuse.
He doesn't mind, 'cause he's out and aground!
Out in the garden, sunshine all around.
(William Bucket is useful! He carried mud for Danny when she built her mud castle, and when Mike harvests vegetables, he always brings William Bucket with him.)
But how did all these objects come to be,
talking and laughing, with eyes for to see?
Back in the back of the vegetable plot,
there was a small radish, lonely a lot.
He had no one to talk, laugh, hug, play, kiss,
and so, one evening, he made a small wish.
"I want some friends to hang with in the sun,"
said little Tom Radish, "we could have fun!"
Bizarrely, his wishes came true, exact-
Patrick Stump sang songs and Greta could laugh.
Pete Fence made lame jokes, Ryan Rose Bush smiled,
and everyone loved their new lifestyle.
(Except Mike Carden. Have you ever had a bucket sass you? It sucks. Or, like, when you're trying to get laid by the hot handy man and you've got fences catcalling? Awkward!)
->
violentfires didn't tell me to shut up.
hatoyona made encouraging noises at me.
->Bob Bryar is a tire swing, Michael Guy Chislett is a sky blue slide, Spencer Smith is the next door babysitter. But I ran out of rhyming patience. Danny (Rachel Dandelion) Carden is Mike Carden's daughter. And I know furies are generally supposed to be female but Brendon Urie.
->YES Mike Carden/Andy Hurley!