(no subject)
Today, I'm three weeks away from the wedding day I've been dreaming about all of my life.
I woke up, dressed, stood before my full-length mirror and studied the lines in my face, the disarray of my hair, the ring gleaming on my left hand. And I knew I wasn't seeing all of me.
My history up until now is stored in my mind and heart; these heavy and embattled organs that I have handed over to various souls and causes. Completely, I did so, because love and passion are my engines.
I'm getting older, wearier. A life of the kind I live brings some of the harshest lessons, because my interior has been steadfastly tender. I have never opted in for reservedness, even when it has tempted me in its sheltering prison walls. Even when I tried it on, it was clothing that didn't fit, and fell off, and left me as exposed as ever.
I am truly astonished that I have found my mate for life. A man who is imperfect himself, yes, and who has found ample room to live with my own flaws, dents, and damage. I think we manage, because we found a rhythm and flow around each other.
Not everyone enters into marriage with a foundation like this. So I think the chances of this lasting our whole lives, while not a certainty-- are pretty decently good.
I am challenging, yet I am still worth loving. I'm difficult, yet I deserve respect.
And three weeks from now, our community will celebrate us for a day, as we pledge our life together. Perfection was not a requirement to get here. But as I do, I will keep striving for better interactions with the world, with my loves, and in time, with myself.
I woke up, dressed, stood before my full-length mirror and studied the lines in my face, the disarray of my hair, the ring gleaming on my left hand. And I knew I wasn't seeing all of me.
My history up until now is stored in my mind and heart; these heavy and embattled organs that I have handed over to various souls and causes. Completely, I did so, because love and passion are my engines.
I'm getting older, wearier. A life of the kind I live brings some of the harshest lessons, because my interior has been steadfastly tender. I have never opted in for reservedness, even when it has tempted me in its sheltering prison walls. Even when I tried it on, it was clothing that didn't fit, and fell off, and left me as exposed as ever.
I am truly astonished that I have found my mate for life. A man who is imperfect himself, yes, and who has found ample room to live with my own flaws, dents, and damage. I think we manage, because we found a rhythm and flow around each other.
Not everyone enters into marriage with a foundation like this. So I think the chances of this lasting our whole lives, while not a certainty-- are pretty decently good.
I am challenging, yet I am still worth loving. I'm difficult, yet I deserve respect.
And three weeks from now, our community will celebrate us for a day, as we pledge our life together. Perfection was not a requirement to get here. But as I do, I will keep striving for better interactions with the world, with my loves, and in time, with myself.