jolyn
i want a white room with nothing in it. but linen curtains and a soft breeze.
when i use to meditate he said go to a place you want to go. i always went to this dry desert with some leafless tree and it was me just standing by it. there was no green, just it was a place i always went inside of my head. and i want to acknowledge the feeling of being completely sane now. no depersonalization or extreme emotion. i dont cry when i think about everything or where im going. i can say, ive lost my sense in...God, i guess. it doesnt comsume my life but i havent left yet, im just somewhere underneath it all. i havent been inside a church since the week after my grandmas funeral, that time i had a breakdown in the pews because the lesson was about heaven and people dying. i never went back. but i believe in love. and God will always be Love to me. i feel very grounded now. or it might just be this moment. today i saw mothers and lovers and i thought about that sort of life. to have a child and just learn and teach them all the things theyve never experienced, all over again. it would be refreshing, on a silent day. i always thought i would die young. apart of me feels i have. and now im in this ocean and just keep swimming and the more i swim the more things will appear. ahead of me. keep moving.
when i use to meditate he said go to a place you want to go. i always went to this dry desert with some leafless tree and it was me just standing by it. there was no green, just it was a place i always went inside of my head. and i want to acknowledge the feeling of being completely sane now. no depersonalization or extreme emotion. i dont cry when i think about everything or where im going. i can say, ive lost my sense in...God, i guess. it doesnt comsume my life but i havent left yet, im just somewhere underneath it all. i havent been inside a church since the week after my grandmas funeral, that time i had a breakdown in the pews because the lesson was about heaven and people dying. i never went back. but i believe in love. and God will always be Love to me. i feel very grounded now. or it might just be this moment. today i saw mothers and lovers and i thought about that sort of life. to have a child and just learn and teach them all the things theyve never experienced, all over again. it would be refreshing, on a silent day. i always thought i would die young. apart of me feels i have. and now im in this ocean and just keep swimming and the more i swim the more things will appear. ahead of me. keep moving.