[OOC] The Sexy-Off

May 10, 2017 10:41

One day, Lelouch received a strange voicemail...

marik, ooc

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Re: I FOUND HIM WITH A SHIRT ON I WIN savior_zero May 12 2010, 15:36:26 UTC
Really now, sleeping? That's the best you can do? There's nothing regal in sexy sleeping pics; in fact it's quite embarrassing.


What now?

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Re: I FOUND HIM WITH A SHIRT ON I WIN thievesnsteves May 12 2010, 15:55:04 UTC
Well, what in the crap is so regal about whatever you're trying to do there? You look like you should be playing card games or something, which at first glance is a sensible thing to do. But you aren't holding any cards. Heck, I don't think you've got a friggin' left arm! You might want to get that looked at. Because seriously. OW.

While you're waiting for the surgeon, though, feast your eyes on this bad boy!




Yes, nothing says "erotically desirable" like posing with your arch-nemesis's favorite accessory! He must be crying great big pansy tears as he beholds how much more suggestive and swoon-worthy I look with his puzzle than he does. Though he should have seen that coming!

(By the way, I have it on very good authority that sleeping pictures are extremely sexy. Just ask my roommate, who I have caught photographing me on several occasions. Some of his shots are really quite good! He gave me copies. I like how sleep brings out my dark yet feathery eyelashes.)

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... savior_zero May 12 2010, 16:24:35 UTC
What the hell is that thing? It's a triangle on a string! What could possibly be sexy about that? And if that's your rival's accessory, then I feel sorry for him. He needs some fashion sense. As do you- men shouldn't wear that much eyeliner.

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YOUR LITTLE THREE DOTS MEAN *EFFING* NOTHING TO ME thievesnsteves May 12 2010, 16:34:48 UTC
Hey! *EFF* you! This from the man wearing a crava- a crevice - a kraken - a FRILLY TIE THING WITH GEMSTONES. And I'll have you know all men in Egypt do their makeup this way! I just happen to make it look better than everyone else.

Geeez, I'm so far ahead of you it's boring, binky-boy. New stage of the competition! How sexy can you make other people look just by being around you? I work wonders on Fluffy, if I do say so myself.


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You have no idea who you're dealing with. savior_zero May 12 2010, 17:05:37 UTC
New stage huh? I don't think you have any effect on your friend there, but I certainly do on Suzaku.


I helped him pick out that outfit you know.

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Foolish FOOL! It is YOU who have no idea who you are dealing with! thievesnsteves May 12 2010, 17:38:48 UTC
Good LORD, that's an intriguingly vulnerable pose. I think I read a yaoi like that once. Or several. They all run together after a while. In a gorgeous blur of man-touching.

You sure did a damn good sight better on your man-friend's outfit than you did on your own. Is that a friggin' bodysuit? Seriously. He's the one who came out looking better here. I really quite like those boots. :3

Bakura and I don't have to dress up to make fangirls fall at our slenderly-ankled feet, however! BEHOLD.




He is an extremely convenient mode of transportation. Can your curly little pal say the same?

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So. Much. Eyeshadow! savior_zero May 12 2010, 17:43:47 UTC
You've never seen a uniform before, have you? Who picked out your outfit, your mother? What is that gold crap around your neck?
As for others as a mode of transportation, Suzaku does that as well.


And unlike your fluffy friend, he looks damn good doing it.

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[1/2] It's called KOHL, you ethnocentric frig. thievesnsteves May 12 2010, 18:18:18 UTC
MY MOTHER IS DEAD, YOU INSENSITIVE BASTARD. AND SO IS MY FATHER. BECAUSE I KILLED HIM.

There. That should shut you up. After all, how dare you insult my bling! Do you know how many years I had to wait to dress like the glamorous superstar I always knew I was, deep down inside?

You know what? Just for that, I'm going to do something I know makes you uncomfortable and squirmy inside, because you know there is no way you can defeat it. That's right, mind slave! My SHIRT IS COMING OFF.




Who needs Bakura, anyway? Certainly not someone who looks as good as THAT. Which, coincidentally, I do.

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[2/2] Get ready, little girl. The British are coming. thievesnsteves May 12 2010, 18:20:56 UTC
...Not that I especially care which of you wins this little diva-fest, but now that my name and reputation have been dragged into it I thought I ought to shed some light on exactly who is making whom look good around here.
















Right, that ought to just about clear everything up. Retaliate, mortal. If you can. Personally...I don't care.

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Should I be impressed? savior_zero May 12 2010, 18:23:21 UTC
Wow, way to come out of the closet. Not bad I must say. Fine, I won't drag your reputation into it, you're not bad. *grin*
As for egyptian boy over there, if you really want to play hard ball, then let's play.


You wish you looked this good.

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O_____________o thievesnsteves May 12 2010, 18:44:09 UTC
....I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE ANY OF THOSE PICTURES CAME FROM, NOR DO I HAVE RECOLLECTIONS OF DOING ANY OF THOSE THINGS. I may be sexy, but I'm not gaaaaaaay. Bakura is just yanking your chain. The chain....yanker. Still think I'm the one making him look good in all of those.

If it's backs you want, though, baby, wait till you get a load of MINE! All of my fangirls find it irresistible. The fact that its most distinctive feature comes from a childhood of lasting torment somehow makes it all the more attractive! You see how talented at this I am? I can take even the most horrifying memories ever and transform them into a source of titillation simply by bearing them on my body!

So hold onto your shirt, binky-boy! I give you - the sight the Pharaoh had to wait an entire two seasons to behold, and for which climactic wars were fought in my actual canon! I give you.....THE BACK THAT SEXY NEVER LEFT.
















Speechless, aren't you? When you recover, as a prize to the victor, would you mind telling me where you bought those jeans? Your back does nothing for me but the jeans receive my approval.

And those are just the screenshots!

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savior_zero May 12 2010, 19:04:36 UTC
... You must have been drunk when you got those. Who has THAT much tattoo on their back? It's awful. And you know what happens when you get old? The tattoo fades. And looks WRINKLY. That's right, you're gonna have a wrinkly back. My taboo was only temporary; you think I'd ruin my body?


Flamboyant nutball.

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drama queen (trauma queen?) in 3....2...1... thievesnsteves May 12 2010, 19:27:00 UTC
Hold up there just a friggin' chicken-fried minute there, buddy. That's no tattoo you're beholding there. Those are scars. From a red-hot knife. Which twinged and bled all over the place as they held my eyeballs open and forced me to watch -

to wah -

wah--

HERE STARE AT ME SOME MORE UNTIL I FEEL BETTER




...'kay I'm fine now.

So to answer your question, you insensitive prick, those aren't going ANYWHERE. And I shall never grow old anyway! I am frozen at sixteen lascivious years forever due to the magic of animated television programming, thank TV Tokyo.

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Blah blah blah savior_zero May 12 2010, 19:58:08 UTC
Boo-hoo, life must be so difficult for you. Your father scarred your back? My father killed my mother, fucked up my little sister so she's blind and can't walk, and ruined my life. Life is SO HARD for you.


And what the hell do you mean "the magic of animated television programming"? You've lost it kid.

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THIS HAS TURNED INTO A SHITTY FATHER-OFF thievesnsteves May 12 2010, 20:11:08 UTC
MY FATHER POURED BEER IN MY XBOX 360. YOU CANNOT COMPREHEND MY PAIN.

I WOULD GO ON, BUT EVERY TIME I TRY I GET A SEARING PAIN IN MY HEAD AND THE UNREASONABLE DESIRE TO HUG PEOPLE. ALSO I TASTE BLOOD. WHICH IS DISGUSTING.

...but seriously, man. Is your whole family on crazy pills? At least mine is only dead or predicts the future badly or stands around blandly saying "Yes, Master Marik" while thinking about the frickin' Gummi Bears.

--ooh, hey, bondage! Bondage I can do. Bondage is fun.




Though usually more so when it's happening to other people...

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Ugh, will this ever end? savior_zero May 14 2010, 01:43:37 UTC
An Xbox360 compares to my sister getting maimed? You freak!!

Ugh, I can't take you anymore. Try to top this in. THE MAGIC OF PHOTOSHOP!




THAT'S RIGHT BITCH! LET'S SEE YOU LOOK THAT GOOD IN A DRESS!!!!!!!!!

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