[Shiro was in his own place of solace, in the inner sanctum, dangling his feet in the glowing water. He had been just outside the clinic until about five minutes ago, but now he needed the peace of his personal place.
Where Ichigo hid everything, Shiro had no choice but to show his feelings. Many of his emotions were worn right on his sleeve. He was sad. He was hurt. Hurt that Veles didn't tell them, sad that Lior had left... jealous and powerless. All of those things.
He hated this place. So he just stares at his clawed feet in the water, tail trailing into it slightly as well and long white hair falling over his shoulders and back like the water down the rocks.]
[ It's never been particularly difficult to track down Shiro, or anything, but...well...Ichigo doesn't know what to do with these sorts of emotions on his own. But, if Shiro really was feeling hurt, and sad, Ichigo needed to see it to believe it. Somehow, that kind of emotional depth...well, he wouldn't have thought it was possible.
Hands jammed in his pockets, Ichigo sighed, and strolled through each of the successive antechambers....all the way back to the one with the glowing water. Shiro looked so...beaten. Feeling a chill, Ichigo ruthlessly shoved it away, toed off his sneakers, then ditched his socks, and jumped the short distance between ledge, and the island Shiro was sitting on.
....Yeah, no idea what to do. So strolling to the edge of Shiro's ledge, and crouching down to idly wave one hand through the water, too. ]
[The Hollow was a receptacle for all the things Ichigo didn't want, couldn't deal with. It made him just as deep as Ichigo, if not deeper. Together they made a whole soul, but just because they were two parts didn't mean the Hollow wasn't somewhat complete on his own.
Shiro only looks up for a moment, training his visible glowing eye on his visitor, the other hidden by his hair, before looking back down in the water.]
[ Ichigo frowned harder, trying not to stare, but unable to stop himself. Even with the black, and gold eye peering out at him, that look was so startlingly human, something clenched up between Ichigo's heart, and stomach.
...Maybe....just maybe...Shiro could learn emotions.
Maybe. No, can't think like that right now! Instead, Ichigo flicked a few drops of water at the hollow. ]
[Most of the time Shiro looked like a predator. A madman. Eyes wide, pupils small and focused, wild. An animal in human skin. But other times, in quiet times, when only Ichigo or no one could see, those eyes became human. Strange liquid gold, but deeply emotional.
Deeply feeling.
He growls and shows his teeth to Ichigo for the little splashes, flicking the submerged end of his tail in irritation]
Oi!! Who said I was sad! I'm not sad. I'm not anything.
Yeah you are. That's what that is right now - sadness.
[ Wiping his cheek off, Ichigo is talking as calmly as if he were discussing the weather. He knew very well that Shiro viewed a more human emotional spectrum as weak. But, whether he liked it or not, he was going to have to deal with this, too. ]
[Emotions could be powerful, but for the most part? They made you weak. They dulled your senses, your energy. Especially ones like... sadness. Hurt.]
It's just... Krypta just left and came back. She wasn't gone long, but so much bad shit happened. What if bad shit happened to Lior? What if she's different?
If she is, then...well, that's kind of the way life goes.
[ Ichigo frowns, but he's pointedly not dropping his gaze. ]
You know she's older than both of us, right? Whatever she has to do, well...she had to grow up some time, Shiro. It doesn't matter, though. Because it's still Lioriley. Still my friend - and yours. No matter how strong she might get.
[ Then we'll walk beside her, whether she likes it or not. ]
[Shiro does drop his eyes, kicking his feet in the water lightly]
... It was nice to be needed.
[he just sighs and wraps his arms around himself. It wasn't fair. Why did she get to go home? Why did she have to grow up? He didn't want her to. He wanted to leave... and yet he didn't. Too many conflicting emotions, and they made him angry. With a feral, dual-voiced growl, he slashes at the water with his claws] Hrragh!! Shut up! I don't want to hear it!
[ Just sometimes, it was stunning how child-like Shiro could become. Ichigo's scowl tightened down, and he forcibly shoves against the inside of Shiro's shoulder, making the hollow face him, even if he was curled into a ball. ]
What the fuck are you talking about " it was nice"?! You're seriously going to sit there, and tell me you think because Lior went home for a little while you're no longer needed?!
[Really, you should quit being surprised, Ichigo. Shiro is just as unpredictable as the weather. His unpredictability was the only constant.]
Because if she's strong when she gets back, she doesn't need us! We're just friends, and that's worthless! I don't know if you NOTICED, but I'm not particularly good at being a friend! I'm good at fighting! I'm good at protecting!
[Self worth issues. Those are new.] How can you not get it.
[ Because Shiro is crazy, and unpredictable, and that's exactly why Ichigo is still shocked by things he says, and does from time to time. But this time? It's how human, and insecure Shiro sounded. It pissed him off somehow. He wasn't even trying to diagnose why it did, it just did. And, in that burning bolt of anger, he hauls off, and punches Shiro. ]
You idiot! You are what you are, and since YOU don't seem to notice there's not fucking manual for this shit! You are Lior's friend, even Madsen, and Krypta's too! You're Ace's friend, and Yako-chan, and everyone else you've met here!
You're needed right here, right now. And so help me if you ever say you're not again, I'll beat the shit out of you myself!
[Shiro snarls in response, quickly scrabbling onto all fours and leaping to the opposite "shore", crouched with his head low and tail up and lashing. A very bestial pose. Not aggressive, but defensive. He wipes where he was punched, eyes burning with fury]
I'm NOT! I'm not a friend! I'm an accessory! I'm no good, Ichigo, and you know it! Don't tell me lies to make me feel better. I don't need it. I don't want it!
Tch... [still trying to put on his tough face, Shiro scowls up at Ichigo from under pools of his long white hair, eyes dark] I do know you better than anyone.
[Even better than I know myself.]
Instinct is worthless in this situation. Nothing I know helps me.
I'm not giving up. I just can't be somethin' I'm not. Don't fucking put words in my mouth. I... Just...
Where Ichigo hid everything, Shiro had no choice but to show his feelings. Many of his emotions were worn right on his sleeve. He was sad. He was hurt. Hurt that Veles didn't tell them, sad that Lior had left... jealous and powerless. All of those things.
He hated this place. So he just stares at his clawed feet in the water, tail trailing into it slightly as well and long white hair falling over his shoulders and back like the water down the rocks.]
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But, if Shiro really was feeling hurt, and sad, Ichigo needed to see it to believe it. Somehow, that kind of emotional depth...well, he wouldn't have thought it was possible.
Hands jammed in his pockets, Ichigo sighed, and strolled through each of the successive antechambers....all the way back to the one with the glowing water.
Shiro looked so...beaten. Feeling a chill, Ichigo ruthlessly shoved it away, toed off his sneakers, then ditched his socks, and jumped the short distance between ledge, and the island Shiro was sitting on.
....Yeah, no idea what to do. So strolling to the edge of Shiro's ledge, and crouching down to idly wave one hand through the water, too. ]
...She's gonna be back, man.
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Shiro only looks up for a moment, training his visible glowing eye on his visitor, the other hidden by his hair, before looking back down in the water.]
I know.
[Veles probably knew, after all.]
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...Maybe....just maybe...Shiro could learn emotions.
Maybe. No, can't think like that right now! Instead, Ichigo flicked a few drops of water at the hollow. ]
What are you so sad about then?
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Deeply feeling.
He growls and shows his teeth to Ichigo for the little splashes, flicking the submerged end of his tail in irritation]
Oi!! Who said I was sad! I'm not sad. I'm not anything.
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[ Wiping his cheek off, Ichigo is talking as calmly as if he were discussing the weather. He knew very well that Shiro viewed a more human emotional spectrum as weak. But, whether he liked it or not, he was going to have to deal with this, too. ]
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I don't like it.
[Emotions could be powerful, but for the most part? They made you weak. They dulled your senses, your energy. Especially ones like... sadness. Hurt.]
It's just... Krypta just left and came back. She wasn't gone long, but so much bad shit happened. What if bad shit happened to Lior? What if she's different?
[What if she doesn't need us.]
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[ Ichigo frowns, but he's pointedly not dropping his gaze. ]
You know she's older than both of us, right? Whatever she has to do, well...she had to grow up some time, Shiro. It doesn't matter, though. Because it's still Lioriley. Still my friend - and yours. No matter how strong she might get.
[ Then we'll walk beside her, whether she likes it or not. ]
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[Shiro does drop his eyes, kicking his feet in the water lightly]
... It was nice to be needed.
[he just sighs and wraps his arms around himself. It wasn't fair. Why did she get to go home? Why did she have to grow up? He didn't want her to. He wanted to leave... and yet he didn't. Too many conflicting emotions, and they made him angry. With a feral, dual-voiced growl, he slashes at the water with his claws] Hrragh!! Shut up! I don't want to hear it!
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[ Just sometimes, it was stunning how child-like Shiro could become. Ichigo's scowl tightened down, and he forcibly shoves against the inside of Shiro's shoulder, making the hollow face him, even if he was curled into a ball. ]
What the fuck are you talking about " it was nice"?!
You're seriously going to sit there, and tell me you think because Lior went home for a little while you're no longer needed?!
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Because if she's strong when she gets back, she doesn't need us! We're just friends, and that's worthless! I don't know if you NOTICED, but I'm not particularly good at being a friend! I'm good at fighting! I'm good at protecting!
[Self worth issues. Those are new.] How can you not get it.
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[ Because Shiro is crazy, and unpredictable, and that's exactly why Ichigo is still shocked by things he says, and does from time to time.
But this time? It's how human, and insecure Shiro sounded. It pissed him off somehow. He wasn't even trying to diagnose why it did, it just did. And, in that burning bolt of anger, he hauls off, and punches Shiro. ]
You idiot! You are what you are, and since YOU don't seem to notice there's not fucking manual for this shit! You are Lior's friend, even Madsen, and Krypta's too! You're Ace's friend, and Yako-chan, and everyone else you've met here!
You're needed right here, right now. And so help me if you ever say you're not again, I'll beat the shit out of you myself!
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I'm NOT! I'm not a friend! I'm an accessory! I'm no good, Ichigo, and you know it! Don't tell me lies to make me feel better. I don't need it. I don't want it!
[he lowers his head, anger leaking out a little]
I'm not like the rest of you. I'm just not.
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[ Blurring from the little island to the "shore" he stands tall, even going so far as to look down on Shiro right now. ]
...Because you sure sound like you're whining about giving up to me.
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[Even better than I know myself.]
Instinct is worthless in this situation. Nothing I know helps me.
I'm not giving up. I just can't be somethin' I'm not. Don't fucking put words in my mouth. I... Just...
[crack.]
I don't...
[shatter.]
I don't know what to do!
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And without warning, drops to kneel, and set a hand on Shiro's shoulder. ]
Welcome to being your own person. That's part of what goes with having a name, knowing freedom.
Sometimes, you don't know what to do.
[ Is that a hint at a smile? POSSIBLY. ]
...So you learn.
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