Yes, I am judgmental.
I am so tired of people saying, "Don't judge me!"
"What right do you have to judge me?"
"I don't judge others."
Give me a break. Everyone in the entire universe judges everyone else.
It's initially a SELF-DEFENSE mechanism, and also is what attracts you to your significant other.
As a self-defense mechanism, allow me to paint a picture.
You're walking to the gas station at night, and you pass a man in a business suit, who looks you in the eye, smiles, and says, "Good evening." You smile back and return the comment.
The next person you walk by is an average-dressed woman, talking on her cellphone, completely oblivious to you. Chances are, you glance at her once and continue on your way.
You then come upon a man wearing filthy, mismatched clothing. He stares at you as you walk up, and you assume he's probably going to ask you for change. As you get closer, he stands up. Instinctively, you give him a lot more space as you step to the edge of the sidewalk.
Guess what? You judged every single one of those people, and automatically did a mental threat assessment. It is SELF-DEFENSE that people automatically judge others.
Now, to my second point, attraction. I don't think this really needs much explanation, but you never know, so... in a club, if you're looking for someone to dance with, there will be people who look at and cringe, hoping NOT to catch their eye. There will be people who are okay, but really hold no interest for you. There will ALSO be people that you're intruiged by, and may make a POINT to catch their eye, ask them to dance, or send them a drink.
You judged every single one of those people as well, but for different reasons than the first.
When it comes to your children, judgment is necessary as well.
When looking for a daycare, if you decide to go with an at-home provider, you'll be inspecting their homes, and them, before you leave your children with them.
The first house you go to, there are broken, dirty toys out front, and a bike lying in the driveway. When you meet the woman, she's holding a baby that reeks of poop, and the children running around aren't being well-supervised. You notice that the snacks on the snack table are shared by ALL children, and consist of things like chips and candy. The TV is on an old stand, and not bolted to the wall. The woman smacks her gum while walking you through her house, stepping over toys everywhere, and almost tripping on an unattended infant who is crying. The trashcan in the kitchen is overflowing, and there are plenty of dirty dishes in the sink.
The second house you go to is nicely taken care of in the front, and there are relatively new toys in the fenced-in front yard. The woman answers the front door, smiling, and holding a bottle in an infant's mouth. The children inside are at individual stations, for painting, coloring, blocks, etc. The children painting have smocks on. At snack time, the woman sets all the children down at a table and gives them each a small serving of fresh fruit and some yogurt, and rinses them off and puts them in the dishwasher. The TV is behind glass, and the entertainment center is secured to the wall. At the base of her stairs is a baby gate, which is secured.
Tell me, which daycare will you entrust your child to? Anyone who would say the first one is lying.
You make an automatic judgment about how well these women will care for your child, how safe her house is, how sanitary she and her house is. You assume in House #1 that your child will be neglected, dirty, fed crap, and possible get seriously injured by the woman's negligence. In House #2, you assume the woman cares for and carefully monitors all the children in her care, engages them in safe, fun activities, that her snacks are healthy and nutritious, and that her house is a safe place for your child to play.
You judged their ability to care for your children, after only having met them for a matter of minutes and seeing the inside of their house.
So don't tell me that you don't judge anyone. You are in a coma if you never judge anyone. We ALWAYS judge people. ALWAYS. Judging others is not a BAD WORD either, like so many make it out to be. You judge potential friends by similar views, common interests, and generally a similar life or parenting style.
Everyone has their own ideas about what is right and what is wrong. Voicing those does NOT make you a bad person. Voicing those is a completely normal and acceptable thing. What the hell do you think all this election stuff right now is? It's JUDGING each individual person by their beliefs that they've shared, and deciding which YOU think should run our country! Judgment is NOT evil or bad!
The problem with judgment does NOT come in when people disagree. It's when people are so set in their beliefs that they refuse to ever consider anyone elses' opinions, and merely yell at others who disagree, calling them immature, insulting names.
You CAN disagree respectfully. Even moreso, you can disagree like an ADULT. That means, if someone says something you don't like, or challanges your beliefs, rather than throwing a childish hissy fit of, "What right do YOU have to judge me? I think YOU'RE a bad mom/person! You have no right to tell me I'm wrong!" You should take the opportunity to discuss your difference in beliefs with that person, or back off if you feel yourself getting heated.
It is FINE to have an opinion. It is NATURAL to judge others. The problem comes in when people ignore facts, and can't handle when people disagree with them. Be a mature, responsible adult and accept that everyone judges everyone, but the way you HANDLE it is the real issue. You can either take the opportunity to learn about an opposing belief, whether you agree or not... or you can throw a childish fit, set a bad example for children, and look like a complete idiot. Your choice.
"What right do you have to judge me?"
"I don't judge others."
Give me a break. Everyone in the entire universe judges everyone else.
It's initially a SELF-DEFENSE mechanism, and also is what attracts you to your significant other.
As a self-defense mechanism, allow me to paint a picture.
You're walking to the gas station at night, and you pass a man in a business suit, who looks you in the eye, smiles, and says, "Good evening." You smile back and return the comment.
The next person you walk by is an average-dressed woman, talking on her cellphone, completely oblivious to you. Chances are, you glance at her once and continue on your way.
You then come upon a man wearing filthy, mismatched clothing. He stares at you as you walk up, and you assume he's probably going to ask you for change. As you get closer, he stands up. Instinctively, you give him a lot more space as you step to the edge of the sidewalk.
Guess what? You judged every single one of those people, and automatically did a mental threat assessment. It is SELF-DEFENSE that people automatically judge others.
Now, to my second point, attraction. I don't think this really needs much explanation, but you never know, so... in a club, if you're looking for someone to dance with, there will be people who look at and cringe, hoping NOT to catch their eye. There will be people who are okay, but really hold no interest for you. There will ALSO be people that you're intruiged by, and may make a POINT to catch their eye, ask them to dance, or send them a drink.
You judged every single one of those people as well, but for different reasons than the first.
When it comes to your children, judgment is necessary as well.
When looking for a daycare, if you decide to go with an at-home provider, you'll be inspecting their homes, and them, before you leave your children with them.
The first house you go to, there are broken, dirty toys out front, and a bike lying in the driveway. When you meet the woman, she's holding a baby that reeks of poop, and the children running around aren't being well-supervised. You notice that the snacks on the snack table are shared by ALL children, and consist of things like chips and candy. The TV is on an old stand, and not bolted to the wall. The woman smacks her gum while walking you through her house, stepping over toys everywhere, and almost tripping on an unattended infant who is crying. The trashcan in the kitchen is overflowing, and there are plenty of dirty dishes in the sink.
The second house you go to is nicely taken care of in the front, and there are relatively new toys in the fenced-in front yard. The woman answers the front door, smiling, and holding a bottle in an infant's mouth. The children inside are at individual stations, for painting, coloring, blocks, etc. The children painting have smocks on. At snack time, the woman sets all the children down at a table and gives them each a small serving of fresh fruit and some yogurt, and rinses them off and puts them in the dishwasher. The TV is behind glass, and the entertainment center is secured to the wall. At the base of her stairs is a baby gate, which is secured.
Tell me, which daycare will you entrust your child to? Anyone who would say the first one is lying.
You make an automatic judgment about how well these women will care for your child, how safe her house is, how sanitary she and her house is. You assume in House #1 that your child will be neglected, dirty, fed crap, and possible get seriously injured by the woman's negligence. In House #2, you assume the woman cares for and carefully monitors all the children in her care, engages them in safe, fun activities, that her snacks are healthy and nutritious, and that her house is a safe place for your child to play.
You judged their ability to care for your children, after only having met them for a matter of minutes and seeing the inside of their house.
So don't tell me that you don't judge anyone. You are in a coma if you never judge anyone. We ALWAYS judge people. ALWAYS. Judging others is not a BAD WORD either, like so many make it out to be. You judge potential friends by similar views, common interests, and generally a similar life or parenting style.
Everyone has their own ideas about what is right and what is wrong. Voicing those does NOT make you a bad person. Voicing those is a completely normal and acceptable thing. What the hell do you think all this election stuff right now is? It's JUDGING each individual person by their beliefs that they've shared, and deciding which YOU think should run our country! Judgment is NOT evil or bad!
The problem with judgment does NOT come in when people disagree. It's when people are so set in their beliefs that they refuse to ever consider anyone elses' opinions, and merely yell at others who disagree, calling them immature, insulting names.
You CAN disagree respectfully. Even moreso, you can disagree like an ADULT. That means, if someone says something you don't like, or challanges your beliefs, rather than throwing a childish hissy fit of, "What right do YOU have to judge me? I think YOU'RE a bad mom/person! You have no right to tell me I'm wrong!" You should take the opportunity to discuss your difference in beliefs with that person, or back off if you feel yourself getting heated.
It is FINE to have an opinion. It is NATURAL to judge others. The problem comes in when people ignore facts, and can't handle when people disagree with them. Be a mature, responsible adult and accept that everyone judges everyone, but the way you HANDLE it is the real issue. You can either take the opportunity to learn about an opposing belief, whether you agree or not... or you can throw a childish fit, set a bad example for children, and look like a complete idiot. Your choice.