we don't want this anymore
So I went in to get my Mirena replaced today. I didn't anticipate any problems-after all, when I had it done nearly 5 years ago, I was standing up for three hours that afternoon caucusing for Barack Obama, and I vaguely remember some light cramps, but nothing I even needed pain meds for... I mean, I was so blasé about the experience that it didn't even rate an entry in my journal.
Yeah. That's not how it went this time.
Just to make things clear, the doctor was young and male. I don't have a problem with either of these things; BUT I specifically asked for a doctor who had had a great deal of experience in inserting IUDs and ... as the procedure went on, it was clear that was not what he was.
First possible bad sign: There was another (female) physician in the room. I'm familiar with the female nurse thing, but another actual doctor? Ummm... I really wish this had been explained to me rather than just introducing me. Maybe I could've said "hi, why are you here?" but that seemed unnecessarily confrontational at that time. (She will be referred to as Random Female Physician).
Second bad sign: Nobody bothers to ask me if I have any problems in regular pap smears or anything that would have encouraged me to divulge any history of sexual assault or trauma. I'm lucky enough that that's not a consideration, but it would've taken 10 seconds to ask and get a "no, I'm good" and I would've felt much more cared about.
Maybe they assumed it wasn't an issue since this is my second IUD, but it contributed to the whole overall feel of the procedure as impersonal-just-here-to-get-it-done; the medical doctors in the room seemed disinterested in my actual well-being before the procedure, during it or afterwards. (The nurse was the kindest person there, which considering she just stood there and watched as they rummaged around, is not... that great a sign, yeah.)
When I start feeling like I don't even need to be in the room for this intimate medical procedure, instead of how I viewed it previously as an empowering decision I made about my contraceptive choices, not to mention a complete lack of kindness and consideration taken about the fact that they're going to be doing stuff in a very sensitive area ... yeah, I wish I'd realized it was only going to get worse.
Third bad sign: Original Male Doctor [OMD] (dude who actually did the procedure) goes over the consent, all good, fine. He says rather flippantly "now remember, the IUD only protects from pregnancy, so you still need to use condoms every time, because pregnancy is only one possible unintended consequence of sex."
Orite, I'll get right on that, especially since my partner and I have been tested and we're both "STD-free" and neither of us is really capable of expending the effort to go fuck someone else nor do either of us WANT TO... and also I hate condoms, but you didn't bother to ask about any of that, you just go right ahead and tell me whatever you want.
So I'll get right on using condoms for every sexual experience-- after I quit smoking, lose 80 pounds, freeze my eggs for the kids I don't want to have, and eat perfectly balanced meals multiple times a day, all while managing my chronic mental health conditions. Perhaps you'd like to judge me for all of those things too, huh?
Fourth bad sign: The removal of the old IUD went fine, but ... the RFP was the one who told me that the speculum would be cold, the OMD didn't bother to tell me when he was inserting it, and during the removal, I wasn't told anything beyond "okay, cough on three and I'll remove your old one." Note: it's not a question, like "are you comfortable with me removing the old one now", it was a command, just this is how it's going, do what I tell you, silly woman.
Really Egregiously Wrong Thing #1: OMD stopped talking COMPLETELY when the removal of the old IUD was done--wait, I lie, he said "I'm going to touch you now" and ten seconds later I started feeling really strong cramps, I let out a sound of discomfort and the nurse helpfully said "oh, he's sounding your uterus now".
OH REALLY. YOU DON'T THINK I DESERVE TO KNOW IN ADVANCE THAT YOU'RE ABOUT TO INSERT A METAL WAND INTO MY CERVIX TO MEASURE MY UTERUS? IT'S MY FUCKING BODY AND YOU SHOULD BE TELLING ME WHAT YOU'RE DOING TO IT.
Egregiously Wrong Thing #2: All the info I got during the procedure of inserting the new IUD was either the docs talking to each other or the nurse taking pity on me after I made sad noises.
I WASN'T EVEN ADDRESSED OR TOLD WHEN THEY IMPLANTED THE NEW IUD. I basically just kept my legs open for half an hour and they rummaged around in my reproductive organs, doing random shit and ignoring ... oh, I don't know, the fact that IT'S NOT A FUCKING CAR THAT I DROPPED OFF FOR AN OIL CHANGE, IT'S MY GODDAMN BODY AND YES, YOU DO HAVE TO TELL ME WHAT YOU'RE DOING IN THERE!?
Not to mention that you're IN MY VAGINA AND MY UTERUS, THESE ARE KIND OF SENSITIVE AREAS FOR WOMEN, WITH GOOD REASON. God, I just get more and more pissed off the more I think about it.
Egregiously Wrong Thing #3:
After the insertion was done, RFP told OMD that he should leave my cervix open for 30 seconds after the insertion was DONE. I'm ... completely dumbstruck. WHAT THE FUCK. I wasn't having a fucking baby; I highly doubt you can see whether the IUD has perforated or become embedded from that angle, so WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY DOING. I'm so angry about this, because the cramps became hellish at that point (small wonder if they were holding my cervix open) and no one was bothering to tell me what the fuck was going on.
I have been googling implantation instructions for midwives [PDF] and implantation explanations for lay-people and THIS APPARENTLY RANDOM FUCKING DECISION IS NOWHERE IN ANY DIRECTIONS OR EXPLANATIONS.
I'm pretty sure that this "leaving my cervix open" part was why I have had INCREDIBLY bad cramps for the last 7 hours. I took some Aleve before I left for the appointment, but remember, last time I had an IUD inserted, I was on my feet for 3 hours that same day with light cramps and no pain meds. This time? I've been curled up in a ball with two heating pads counting down the minutes until I can take more pain meds.
I'm so angry and I don't even know what the fuck I do now (besides file a complaint, which I intend to do). I want to cry. I honestly feel pretty violated. This is my body, this is more specifically MY VAGINA, MY CERVIX, AND MY UTERUS which are kind of important parts to many women and specifically very important to me, because they're MINE. But apparently it's totally okay to just randomly do shit without explanation or advising me that it was going to happen because I agreed to the procedure ergo I deserve no consideration.
Apparently it's also fine to judge me for my reproductive choices without even asking what they are or what my circumstances are, it's fine to ignore the very real possibility that the woman undergoing the procedure may have sexual trauma or actual physical issues with mobility, it's fine to invite random people into the room without explaining WHY they're there, and it's APPARENTLY fine to completely ignore my SINGLE request to have a doctor who was experienced in IUD insertion--if he was experienced, why was the RFP explaining things to him as he went along, why was he confused when he had to measure my slightly tipped uterus, etc--all of that is just fine.
ALL OF THAT, NONE OF THAT IS FINE. NONE OF THAT IS OKAY. NONE OF IT IS RIGHT OR ACCEPTABLE TO ME. I'M FUCKING PISSED OFF.
Cross-posted to
fucking_docs.
Originally posted at Dreamwidth. Comment there (
), or feel free to comment here.
Yeah. That's not how it went this time.
Just to make things clear, the doctor was young and male. I don't have a problem with either of these things; BUT I specifically asked for a doctor who had had a great deal of experience in inserting IUDs and ... as the procedure went on, it was clear that was not what he was.
First possible bad sign: There was another (female) physician in the room. I'm familiar with the female nurse thing, but another actual doctor? Ummm... I really wish this had been explained to me rather than just introducing me. Maybe I could've said "hi, why are you here?" but that seemed unnecessarily confrontational at that time. (She will be referred to as Random Female Physician).
Second bad sign: Nobody bothers to ask me if I have any problems in regular pap smears or anything that would have encouraged me to divulge any history of sexual assault or trauma. I'm lucky enough that that's not a consideration, but it would've taken 10 seconds to ask and get a "no, I'm good" and I would've felt much more cared about.
Maybe they assumed it wasn't an issue since this is my second IUD, but it contributed to the whole overall feel of the procedure as impersonal-just-here-to-get-it-done; the medical doctors in the room seemed disinterested in my actual well-being before the procedure, during it or afterwards. (The nurse was the kindest person there, which considering she just stood there and watched as they rummaged around, is not... that great a sign, yeah.)
When I start feeling like I don't even need to be in the room for this intimate medical procedure, instead of how I viewed it previously as an empowering decision I made about my contraceptive choices, not to mention a complete lack of kindness and consideration taken about the fact that they're going to be doing stuff in a very sensitive area ... yeah, I wish I'd realized it was only going to get worse.
Third bad sign: Original Male Doctor [OMD] (dude who actually did the procedure) goes over the consent, all good, fine. He says rather flippantly "now remember, the IUD only protects from pregnancy, so you still need to use condoms every time, because pregnancy is only one possible unintended consequence of sex."
Orite, I'll get right on that, especially since my partner and I have been tested and we're both "STD-free" and neither of us is really capable of expending the effort to go fuck someone else nor do either of us WANT TO... and also I hate condoms, but you didn't bother to ask about any of that, you just go right ahead and tell me whatever you want.
So I'll get right on using condoms for every sexual experience-- after I quit smoking, lose 80 pounds, freeze my eggs for the kids I don't want to have, and eat perfectly balanced meals multiple times a day, all while managing my chronic mental health conditions. Perhaps you'd like to judge me for all of those things too, huh?
Fourth bad sign: The removal of the old IUD went fine, but ... the RFP was the one who told me that the speculum would be cold, the OMD didn't bother to tell me when he was inserting it, and during the removal, I wasn't told anything beyond "okay, cough on three and I'll remove your old one." Note: it's not a question, like "are you comfortable with me removing the old one now", it was a command, just this is how it's going, do what I tell you, silly woman.
Really Egregiously Wrong Thing #1: OMD stopped talking COMPLETELY when the removal of the old IUD was done--wait, I lie, he said "I'm going to touch you now" and ten seconds later I started feeling really strong cramps, I let out a sound of discomfort and the nurse helpfully said "oh, he's sounding your uterus now".
OH REALLY. YOU DON'T THINK I DESERVE TO KNOW IN ADVANCE THAT YOU'RE ABOUT TO INSERT A METAL WAND INTO MY CERVIX TO MEASURE MY UTERUS? IT'S MY FUCKING BODY AND YOU SHOULD BE TELLING ME WHAT YOU'RE DOING TO IT.
Egregiously Wrong Thing #2: All the info I got during the procedure of inserting the new IUD was either the docs talking to each other or the nurse taking pity on me after I made sad noises.
I WASN'T EVEN ADDRESSED OR TOLD WHEN THEY IMPLANTED THE NEW IUD. I basically just kept my legs open for half an hour and they rummaged around in my reproductive organs, doing random shit and ignoring ... oh, I don't know, the fact that IT'S NOT A FUCKING CAR THAT I DROPPED OFF FOR AN OIL CHANGE, IT'S MY GODDAMN BODY AND YES, YOU DO HAVE TO TELL ME WHAT YOU'RE DOING IN THERE!?
Not to mention that you're IN MY VAGINA AND MY UTERUS, THESE ARE KIND OF SENSITIVE AREAS FOR WOMEN, WITH GOOD REASON. God, I just get more and more pissed off the more I think about it.
Egregiously Wrong Thing #3:
After the insertion was done, RFP told OMD that he should leave my cervix open for 30 seconds after the insertion was DONE. I'm ... completely dumbstruck. WHAT THE FUCK. I wasn't having a fucking baby; I highly doubt you can see whether the IUD has perforated or become embedded from that angle, so WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY DOING. I'm so angry about this, because the cramps became hellish at that point (small wonder if they were holding my cervix open) and no one was bothering to tell me what the fuck was going on.
I have been googling implantation instructions for midwives [PDF] and implantation explanations for lay-people and THIS APPARENTLY RANDOM FUCKING DECISION IS NOWHERE IN ANY DIRECTIONS OR EXPLANATIONS.
I'm pretty sure that this "leaving my cervix open" part was why I have had INCREDIBLY bad cramps for the last 7 hours. I took some Aleve before I left for the appointment, but remember, last time I had an IUD inserted, I was on my feet for 3 hours that same day with light cramps and no pain meds. This time? I've been curled up in a ball with two heating pads counting down the minutes until I can take more pain meds.
I'm so angry and I don't even know what the fuck I do now (besides file a complaint, which I intend to do). I want to cry. I honestly feel pretty violated. This is my body, this is more specifically MY VAGINA, MY CERVIX, AND MY UTERUS which are kind of important parts to many women and specifically very important to me, because they're MINE. But apparently it's totally okay to just randomly do shit without explanation or advising me that it was going to happen because I agreed to the procedure ergo I deserve no consideration.
Apparently it's also fine to judge me for my reproductive choices without even asking what they are or what my circumstances are, it's fine to ignore the very real possibility that the woman undergoing the procedure may have sexual trauma or actual physical issues with mobility, it's fine to invite random people into the room without explaining WHY they're there, and it's APPARENTLY fine to completely ignore my SINGLE request to have a doctor who was experienced in IUD insertion--if he was experienced, why was the RFP explaining things to him as he went along, why was he confused when he had to measure my slightly tipped uterus, etc--all of that is just fine.
ALL OF THAT, NONE OF THAT IS FINE. NONE OF THAT IS OKAY. NONE OF IT IS RIGHT OR ACCEPTABLE TO ME. I'M FUCKING PISSED OFF.
Cross-posted to
fucking_docs.
Originally posted at Dreamwidth. Comment there (
), or feel free to comment here.