how long will it last before we go insane
You guys suck, by the way, at coming up with embarrassing questions for me to answer on short notice.
I'm scared about my appointment at the Breast Cancer/Trauma clinic today. I don't know what else to say about that. Luckily it's at 8:40 in the morning so I can show up bright & early and hopefully be done very quickly.
I don't trust my new-found stability. At all. It's been 18 months since I started "recovering" (I'm dating from the time I went to my first college class for this go-round, basically) and since then I've had maybe three episodes, probably only one of which fit all DSM criteria.
And yet I still feel unsteady on my mental feet, shaky in my equilibrium. I feel like my stability could go at any moment-like a three legged stool that was meant to have four legs. So what does my therapy tell me to do with those kinds of thoughts? Well, examine them: is the idea that "my stability could go at any moment" actually true?
What are common triggers for relapse, anyway? Well, unfortunately, one of them is an incomplete remission, which I have. Okay, some others, as culled from various websites via google and run through my own filters:
But each of us has our own set of triggers, so the ones I've identified above are just a starting point. Still, it's somewhere to start. I encourage you to set up your own list of triggers for an episode.
Okay, so the idea we're questioning here is "my stability could go at any moment." But... looking at the list above, I see a lot of VERY BIG things happening to people causing them to relapse. Not so much the tiny day to day life stuff causing relapse.
That makes me feel pretty hopeful that relapse is, in general, caused by the big things: not taking care of yourself (stopping your meds is a HUGE indicator of relapse, apparently), grief from losing someone or your job or being the victim of a crime, and even big positive changes such as moving or getting a new job.
I see recovering from depression as trying to bail out a leaky boat. Eventually you may get the boat fixed so it's not leaking anymore, through drugs & therapy & meditation etc. But if a large wave comes along, you may have to bail out the boat again-that's not a failure, that's just physics.
Originally posted at Dreamwidth. Comment there (
), or feel free to comment here.
I'm scared about my appointment at the Breast Cancer/Trauma clinic today. I don't know what else to say about that. Luckily it's at 8:40 in the morning so I can show up bright & early and hopefully be done very quickly.
I don't trust my new-found stability. At all. It's been 18 months since I started "recovering" (I'm dating from the time I went to my first college class for this go-round, basically) and since then I've had maybe three episodes, probably only one of which fit all DSM criteria.
And yet I still feel unsteady on my mental feet, shaky in my equilibrium. I feel like my stability could go at any moment-like a three legged stool that was meant to have four legs. So what does my therapy tell me to do with those kinds of thoughts? Well, examine them: is the idea that "my stability could go at any moment" actually true?
What are common triggers for relapse, anyway? Well, unfortunately, one of them is an incomplete remission, which I have. Okay, some others, as culled from various websites via google and run through my own filters:
- Bereavement
- Job loss and financial woes
- Victim of crime
- Large scale change, such as moving to a new home or getting a new job
- Hormonal changes (eg. menopause)
- Physical illness
- Medication changes (voluntary or pdoc prescribed)
- Medication stops working
But each of us has our own set of triggers, so the ones I've identified above are just a starting point. Still, it's somewhere to start. I encourage you to set up your own list of triggers for an episode.
Okay, so the idea we're questioning here is "my stability could go at any moment." But... looking at the list above, I see a lot of VERY BIG things happening to people causing them to relapse. Not so much the tiny day to day life stuff causing relapse.
That makes me feel pretty hopeful that relapse is, in general, caused by the big things: not taking care of yourself (stopping your meds is a HUGE indicator of relapse, apparently), grief from losing someone or your job or being the victim of a crime, and even big positive changes such as moving or getting a new job.
I see recovering from depression as trying to bail out a leaky boat. Eventually you may get the boat fixed so it's not leaking anymore, through drugs & therapy & meditation etc. But if a large wave comes along, you may have to bail out the boat again-that's not a failure, that's just physics.
Originally posted at Dreamwidth. Comment there (
), or feel free to comment here.