(no subject)
not posted in a while, so i thought i'd update quickly to let you all know im still alive (although it's nearly been two weeks with no parents looking after me).
i came to the conclusion today that i'm afraid of public transport. i try to avoid it as much as posible, and when i travel on it i get nervous and panicy. i dont like standing up in front of people i dont know. i dont know why, i'm weird. but yeh, its true. i was going to my grandparents house today and i had to catch two buses to get there. on the first bus i was fine, but on the second bus i just went dizzy and couldnt think straight, and then when it was time for me to get up i just couldnt. i nearly missed the stop. im so gaylike.
exams results soon. its making me feel like shit. and ive realized that over the next couple of days im going to with people quite alot (jess [maybe dave] then kels tomorrow, then maybe wax on thursday [no idea if thats definite, its just the last day he'd be able to crash over while my parents are away] maybe dave. dave on friday (if he wants to) parents are back on saturday). and all i feel like doing right now is hiding, sleeping and crying. i just feel like such a failure. the only subject i think i've passed is art, and the only reason i feel as confident as i do about art is because i begged my teacher to tell me wether i'd failed or not and she said i hadnt. i need 4 A*-C grades to get on my course at college, and i really dont think ive got them. i've fucked up the rest of my life because i didnt revise and i didnt do as much coursework as i needed. "i'll do it later", "ive got plenty of time", "i'm gonna start revising in a week/day/hour/month" ... .. "im a fucking failure." im so scared right now. alot more than i'd like to admit, but oh well, it's true. im petrified of getting my results, im so scared of failing and i know i have.
thats enough i guess. at least you all know im still alive. i might not post for a while. even though i feel like writing every minute thing i do down. i just dont feel like writing here. also, i need to stay off the computer for about a week. my back and neck havent hurt like this in about a year. i feel overall - shit. laters. x
i came to the conclusion today that i'm afraid of public transport. i try to avoid it as much as posible, and when i travel on it i get nervous and panicy. i dont like standing up in front of people i dont know. i dont know why, i'm weird. but yeh, its true. i was going to my grandparents house today and i had to catch two buses to get there. on the first bus i was fine, but on the second bus i just went dizzy and couldnt think straight, and then when it was time for me to get up i just couldnt. i nearly missed the stop. im so gaylike.
exams results soon. its making me feel like shit. and ive realized that over the next couple of days im going to with people quite alot (jess [maybe dave] then kels tomorrow, then maybe wax on thursday [no idea if thats definite, its just the last day he'd be able to crash over while my parents are away] maybe dave. dave on friday (if he wants to) parents are back on saturday). and all i feel like doing right now is hiding, sleeping and crying. i just feel like such a failure. the only subject i think i've passed is art, and the only reason i feel as confident as i do about art is because i begged my teacher to tell me wether i'd failed or not and she said i hadnt. i need 4 A*-C grades to get on my course at college, and i really dont think ive got them. i've fucked up the rest of my life because i didnt revise and i didnt do as much coursework as i needed. "i'll do it later", "ive got plenty of time", "i'm gonna start revising in a week/day/hour/month" ... .. "im a fucking failure." im so scared right now. alot more than i'd like to admit, but oh well, it's true. im petrified of getting my results, im so scared of failing and i know i have.
thats enough i guess. at least you all know im still alive. i might not post for a while. even though i feel like writing every minute thing i do down. i just dont feel like writing here. also, i need to stay off the computer for about a week. my back and neck havent hurt like this in about a year. i feel overall - shit. laters. x