(no subject)
So, I feel almost like I'm robbing all these livejournal friends of anything because I read their posts and never say anything myself. Here goes - (and this is semi-inspired by what Emmi wrote, fyi) I've felt a bit torn lately. And it's the same kind of torn I felt about a year ago August. When you think about leaving one place, you wonder if it's better to start pulling away from people so as to lessen the hurt of leaving in May. I think I'm mostly talking about my parents and sister here. After living with them for 18 1/2 years as the one and only constant in my life, I have no idea how I will react upon leaving them. Strangely, I think I can handle leaving school and friends better. It's easy to live it up at school for the next 8 months and know I left nothing on the table--nothing left unsaid or undone. It's nice to leave with that comfort. I know I didn't leave Texas that way, being too caught up in the moving, and it still kills me. Anyways, I think I sense myself drawing slowly away from my parents and most especially my sister recently. I don't know if it's a ploy of self survival and protection or that I'm just changing myself and becoming more independent. I'm hoping for the latter because I would hate to cause the end of the relationship I have with my family. Senior year is a weird time...it's complicated and incredible and crushing and uplifting all at the same time. Sometimes I think It will simply knock me down and I won't be able to get up. I guess it's kinda like that freaking heavy backpack with all the AP books...if I fall over with that on, I'm positive that I will remain helpless on my back until someone give me a hand or I die. Yea, senior year's kinda like that.