(no subject)
god. i hate it here so much. i really wish to not use that word but its the best word to describe my feelings right now. about everything. myself, my body, my need to come here and write this because crying is not doing anything to help it. i cant deal with this shit anymore and i just wanna go home. but how do you go somewhere you are not welcome. im sorry i call. im sorry that i am a home person. i dont need a lot of fake friends to make me happy and keep me busy and distracted from school. i made that mistake last semester and paying for it sucks. big time! explaining myself does no good. i just wanna go somewhere on the other side of the country, start over, and learn how to live without having the phone be the only thing to make me feel like im at home. i cant help things that have happened to make me act like this and it sucks to not be able to control the things your mind wonders off to think. im trying so hard right now, more than ever in my life and im so afraid that failure will still find its way. i look like an idea sitting in the lounge crying but i cant even be myself in my own room, yet again. im sorry, to myself, that i complain constantly right now. its one of those times that i have to get over. tomorrow, will be one good day and im happy about that. i really dont think that the colts in the super bowl, finally, will get me in any mood but a great one. thanks god for sports, heh. well i have to finish my project and be alone. and be alone because that is what i want to be. i give up on people. shallow. goodnight.