yes.
im rereading camus' the fall; he has an unsettling grasp on delusion.
speaking of which, i was at work on saturday and some guy (total babe) comes up to me and asks me if i grew up in maryland. tremor, anticipation. i answer, yes. you? then he insists he is only checking and has to leave. his guest beckons--it was the most assrandom cinematic moment (i work at a vegetarian restaurant on the san francisco waterfront). i wanted to stretchout/shout noooooooo--caitlin stands right there. she murmurs, what a little asshole.
but hey! hey! im writing again. and this isnt my normal bullshit. this text is finally real, finally brilliant. im making time and its yielding progress. and baby, it's blissful.
i called joel the other day when my metalhead roommates put on cinderella. i need to make the first move more often. i need to think about what's in my best interest and will the future. hes coming to see clap your hands say yeah! with me in march. he also turned me onto the shout out louds. yes. i love new music, especially new music that is so melodic, so devastating that it rips your heart out to make room for a more adorable one. yes. one that takes pleasure in trifles. pleasure in spades.
i felt so satisfied, i made the first move again the next day. i called amy lou (this adorable little sprite from my work) and asked if she wanted to go shopping with me. we met downtown early that afternoon at britex and i got the raddest belt from betsey johnsons. then we went to neimen marcus to oggle the couture and grabbed some lunch/wine on maiden lane (this euro-inspired alleyway in union square). we talked about art in fashion and exile in writing. rip roar. marc jacobs was having a sale on underwear (10/pair)--just in time for me to start dating again. yes. afterwards, we grabbed some coffee and caught brokeback mountain. sighs abound.
im feeling more centered and confident each day.
and im finally accepting that my life isnt effortless anymore. ive been struggling with this concept for a long time, though i wasnt really cognizant of it. my life up until this point has been essentially effortless--academically, socially, sexually, monetarily. christ, especially college. what happened to my ego? i must have left it in that toilet bowl, maryland. really, it is tough to be the little fish, when youve always been the great white.
ive gotta get to whole foods before they close tonight. johnnies coming over for dinner tomorrow and i want plenty of time to get ready. im lusting after perfection again. i feel like my old (virgo) self. yes.
speaking of which, i was at work on saturday and some guy (total babe) comes up to me and asks me if i grew up in maryland. tremor, anticipation. i answer, yes. you? then he insists he is only checking and has to leave. his guest beckons--it was the most assrandom cinematic moment (i work at a vegetarian restaurant on the san francisco waterfront). i wanted to stretchout/shout noooooooo--caitlin stands right there. she murmurs, what a little asshole.
but hey! hey! im writing again. and this isnt my normal bullshit. this text is finally real, finally brilliant. im making time and its yielding progress. and baby, it's blissful.
i called joel the other day when my metalhead roommates put on cinderella. i need to make the first move more often. i need to think about what's in my best interest and will the future. hes coming to see clap your hands say yeah! with me in march. he also turned me onto the shout out louds. yes. i love new music, especially new music that is so melodic, so devastating that it rips your heart out to make room for a more adorable one. yes. one that takes pleasure in trifles. pleasure in spades.
i felt so satisfied, i made the first move again the next day. i called amy lou (this adorable little sprite from my work) and asked if she wanted to go shopping with me. we met downtown early that afternoon at britex and i got the raddest belt from betsey johnsons. then we went to neimen marcus to oggle the couture and grabbed some lunch/wine on maiden lane (this euro-inspired alleyway in union square). we talked about art in fashion and exile in writing. rip roar. marc jacobs was having a sale on underwear (10/pair)--just in time for me to start dating again. yes. afterwards, we grabbed some coffee and caught brokeback mountain. sighs abound.
im feeling more centered and confident each day.
and im finally accepting that my life isnt effortless anymore. ive been struggling with this concept for a long time, though i wasnt really cognizant of it. my life up until this point has been essentially effortless--academically, socially, sexually, monetarily. christ, especially college. what happened to my ego? i must have left it in that toilet bowl, maryland. really, it is tough to be the little fish, when youve always been the great white.
ive gotta get to whole foods before they close tonight. johnnies coming over for dinner tomorrow and i want plenty of time to get ready. im lusting after perfection again. i feel like my old (virgo) self. yes.