Tears have been shed but not like this
So I cried last night because my face is the only thing that ever changes in the mirror. My heart stays singed and full of rage. I have been scarred long ago by the devil herself and feel I will never recover. "I hope you will never no eternal love and happiness" she said it years ago and it holds true like a curse brought forth by the keepers of a pharohs tomb. The only thing i could think to do is cut myself and watch the blood pool beneath me until i fell into a peaceful slumber. But i resisted. Chelsea is too good for me, but i want her so bad I must force myself to fight all my personal demons. If only I knew how to convey my love to her, the way I feel on the inside whithout letting my fears take control. I can't bring myself to trust a woman who spent 7 months alone, sick, injured and beaten down but still faithful waiting for me to come home safely to tell her everything would be O.K. because i would keep her safe, WHY THE FUCK NOT? It is absurd and reflects poorly on all I have tried to teach people about life. I miss her even when she is before me because I rarely let her in. I am a monster. I love her so much, and all I want is for her to be happy. I used to tell myself it was ok if she left me for another as long as she was happy but now I find that claim ridiculous. I MUST make her happy myself! For she is the one for me, the one people look their entire lives for but never find. She is right in front of my eyes and I keep casting her away. Why must I be so foolish? Her smile brings mine to life, her touch makes me weak while her words give me unknown strength, if my eyes were taken from me for eternity I would still be able to see her beauty. Yet I only bring pain upon her life and torture upon my own. Chelsea Riley Wheeler I love you and my mission is clear, I will find away to make you happy forever, I will. I love you more than anything I thought possible.