irony

[savemysoul2nite]

so irony finaly got me. i got the axe yet again, and lost all of my west coast friends in the process. i've tried in the past to treat all of my girlfriends like royalty when we were together, but got shafted in the end and for some reason didn't see it coming. but i tried to plan out my relationship with christine so it wasn't going to end with me in pain. in the begining it was great no two people have ever or will ever be as excited to see each other as we were. i've always tried to help people through their shit and never expected nor recieved the same in return. but christine was different she was always there to help, she was there during the ryann fiasco, when i got jumped by the fucking skinheads at the pool hall, when my grandfather died, after my suicide attempt, she was there she loved me, she cared, she showed it. but because of all the times i'd been fucked over i decided to act like i didn't care. her/our friends apparently told her how much of a dick i was being and she finaly realized it herself and gave me the boot. so again a perfectly fine relationship got fucked up by me. i just found irony in the fact that we basicaly switched roles and i still wound up losing in the end. now she doesnt want to talk about it or even talk to me, shes going to wait for me to go to boot camp and then there is nothing to worry about.

other than that i'm in better shape then ever, the new age fucking excercise equipment never worked so i went rocky iv about it, i hung a duffle bag of sand up as a heavy bag, been chopping down trees in the back yard then digging up the stumps, run until i feel like i cant move anymore than turn around and run home anyway, im so ready to serve my country. i can't believe its finaly happening.

anyways i'm going to go now talk to you all later