(no subject)
He did it again. My dad dropped everything he had going on, no matter how important it was, and schlepped my wheezing ass to the hospital. This one was worse in terms of diagnostic results. I had to have a respiratory therapist in the room with me for two hours monitering my medication via a tube in my face and taking peak-flow measurements every treatment cycle, as well as a spirometry set-up. My pulse reached nearly 160 bpm today, was erratic, and the doctor said stress wasn't helping it at all. I have to go and see another freakin' pulmonologist Tuesday, and I'm back on prednisone for a while now. A lot of this is over the last few days, and I know it. Last night I was so angry and emotionally charged (Kendra, Bekki, and Kason can all testify to that. Thanks for listening, by the way) that my lips went numb, I was gasping for air at points, and throwing things. I went in to work with massive chest pain, and I couldn't make it. My manager made the call yet again. I'm stubborn.
Dad never complained. He joked with me, tried to calm me down, and made fun of a stupid old cowboy movie on the TV in the room. He heckled the nurse jokingly when she got caught up in the mess that was the cables around me and my bed.
Therefore, stress is now being cut from my life by the wagonload. I'm not trying to be an ass, not fishing for sympathy, not really trying to do much but not get worse. I know I suck as a person, but I need to listen to my body a bit more. If you stress me, and I decide to essentially call it off, I'm sorry. It might very well be me and my unresolved issues/ anger at you, whether deserved or not. I've tried to reach to some people. I know who cares about who, and I'll leave it alone. Choices have been made, people hurt. As I said, I suck at this thing called life. I never really learned how it works. I'd like a chance, but if this continues, it's looking pretty grim.
Two hospital visits in a month is inexcusable. Damn my chest hurts.
Dad never complained. He joked with me, tried to calm me down, and made fun of a stupid old cowboy movie on the TV in the room. He heckled the nurse jokingly when she got caught up in the mess that was the cables around me and my bed.
Therefore, stress is now being cut from my life by the wagonload. I'm not trying to be an ass, not fishing for sympathy, not really trying to do much but not get worse. I know I suck as a person, but I need to listen to my body a bit more. If you stress me, and I decide to essentially call it off, I'm sorry. It might very well be me and my unresolved issues/ anger at you, whether deserved or not. I've tried to reach to some people. I know who cares about who, and I'll leave it alone. Choices have been made, people hurt. As I said, I suck at this thing called life. I never really learned how it works. I'd like a chance, but if this continues, it's looking pretty grim.
Two hospital visits in a month is inexcusable. Damn my chest hurts.