if not surgery then...
[[Music inspired by: Bear McCreary's Violence & Variations]]
She was restless to the point where it was getting on her nerves and making her jittery as hell. When she woke, Lam packed herself a lunch, put on a swim suit, tossed on a cover-up, and went walking. She hadn’t worn sandals since she was about five, but they were simple and the box had ( Read more... )
She was restless to the point where it was getting on her nerves and making her jittery as hell. When she woke, Lam packed herself a lunch, put on a swim suit, tossed on a cover-up, and went walking. She hadn’t worn sandals since she was about five, but they were simple and the box had ( Read more... )
He shrugged, taking a step backward. "I'll just be on my way, Doctor. Leave you to your afternoon."
His own discomfort with the box's choice in her outfit aside, spending an overt amount of time with her would only make things more awkward and uncomfortable for her. He didn't want to do that to her--she hadn't done anything wrong.
He offered a slim smile. "See you around, then, Doctor?"
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"I'm not going anywhere," she murmured, closing her eyes, "I so I guess you will."
She was silent for a second and then spoke in a small voice.
"Colonel."
She stepped forward in one conversation, then backward, then further backward. Would they step back so far that they wouldn't know each other? She lay her cheek against her knees, her eyes on his boots. Doctor and Colonel. Always formal.
Always formal.
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It did not come, however, and after a moment, he turned to leave, grabbing his boots.
It was mostly curiosity that held him back. Mostly. "Did you...need something, Doctor?"
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"Take the towel," she said softly, pushing herself to her feet to retrieve it. "You need it more than I do." Lam held it out to him, feeling suddenly drained. Any of the good humor she'd had was gone and she frowned down at her outstretched hand as if it was offensive.
There was nothing she could do.
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He offered her a slight, reassuring smile. There...wasn't much he could do, really. Simply being around her would make her uncomfortable after that incident with the falling, and he wasn't ready to figure out what else to do just yet.
"Be careful."
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Her expression went blank, neutral, as she slid the towel back into her bag and shouldered it.
"I'm always careful, Colonel." There was a half second where she paused and her fingers came up, but they dropped as she stepped away. She'd go. Obviously, she should have gone the first time despite his protest.
She got three steps in the opposite direction and stopped to dig through her backpack for her medical kit. She popped it and found the small sealed packet she'd put in there years ago. Her fingers traced an edge and she stood, an odd look crossing her face as she moved forward to place it in his free hand.
It was a small clear plastic button in a soft gray packet and was one she knew as well as he did.
Lam didn't trust herself to speak and shouldered the bag as she watched a few birds soar in the sky.
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When she suddenly returned, he was too surprised to properly process what she was holding until it was in his hands. He blinked down at it a moment, before opening it wordlessly, and dropping its contents into his palm.
It took only a moment to recognize it. He closed his hand, and turned his gaze back to where she stood. She'd kept it? For years? When had she even the chance to grab it?
"Why would you?" The rest of the question was already apparent.
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"It's yours," Lam said simply, turning her face away, "and tangible, and I couldn't not keep it."
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He was genuinely confused as to why, at that point in time, she would have been compelled to keep it--or why, when they worked alongside each other, she continued to. Why she had it with her, and why she gave it to him now, of all times.
"Talk to me, Doctor."
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Her eyes were watering, stupidly.
"I found it in the pocket of my coat when I was back at McMurdo and I knew what it was. It..." She gestured helplessly. "It made me feel safer. It's stupid. But I kept it because...it gave me hope that I'd see you again on some off the wall chance." Her smile was suddenly soft. "And there you were. It helped when you were gone, as if it could--"
She sat abruptly and shook her head.
"Life is about chances, the ones you take, and the ones you don't," she finally said. "And most of all, it's about hope and belief." Lam tried to some again, but it came out tired.
"I can't give you either," she said, "but I can try."
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That was a long time ago. Before they'd been assigned to Cheyenne Mountain, before he'd met her father, and before he'd ended up here. Stuck on the island for the better part of a year.
He reached out and grabbed her free hand, pressing the button into it. "You should keep it, Doctor. I can't sew it. Never could."
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"I'd lose it." He chewed his bottom lip for a moment.
"You've had it for years, so...it's yours. Keep it." He offered a half-smile, voice stronger. "You'll take better care of it."
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Lam remembered a smile like that, there and not there. Her fingertips brushed his lips hesitantly.
"You never lose things," she said in a thick voice. "You bury them."
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She'd only end up hurt, because this wasn't then. They were teammates now, and when they went home, they'd be going home together, and all of the rules would still be there. He didn't feel the way she did...he knew too well how it felt to be on her side. He could not do that to her.
"Some things have to be." He swallowed, and released her hands, leaving the button with hers. "I should go, Doctor."
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"You're always going, Cameron," Lam said quietly. "And I'm always staying."
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