Two days in a row (wow)
Ok what am I feeling. Well I can tell you what I am not feeling. That is feelings for my last girlfriend. The only reason I put this in here is because when I realized I was over it was last Tuesday, the 13th, and I forgot to put it down.
EDIT: I realized it may have seamed cold to just say "I have no feelings for her anymore" out of nowhere like she didn't matter or anything. That's not it at all. It just seamed like something I should put down here since this is a journal for my thoughts and feelings.
I unlocked a message i posted the 7th so look down to the 7th if you want to see it. I was letting off some steam(its the first one...at 8 not at 11:20p.m).
Now that Ive stalled, I am so ready to be with someone( key word is READY lol). Don't get me wrong, I'm not desperate(if i was, i would ask out the first cute girl i saw) but yesterday I really realized it. I've got my school under control, which was the biggest things in my mind i needed to get done before i could emotionally commit to someone. I really really needed to know that thru the ups and downs, I knew what i had to get done at school and yesterday i realized i do.
While that is there, I still really like the emotional stability I have right now. I don't have to worry if i said the right thing or if I called enough or was there enough for someone(its not that I dont like being there for someone cuz i love that, it's just i don;t have to worry about whether I said or did or do things to hurt or offend or upset them and then have them act weird in return then wonder about why they are acting like that). While the highs of an emotional bond are awesome, the lows sometimes aren't worth it in the long run. Yeah it is awesome to open yourself up to someone and have them totally be into you but then I remember all the times where there was confusion and worry (although I've figured out ways around alot of that, it still sux when you feel it). I know if I met the right person, unless something out of my control prevented it, i would go for it.
I've been having weird dreams again. In one last nite, I liked someone, they liked me, but as the dream went on, her(ready for this) face got less and less attractive(at one point her face was inside out, like you could see her face without skin....really weird). I have no idea what it meant.
Anyway, believe it or not, those dreams(i had more where i was with someone...seems to be a theme lately) help me know I could be ready for something(since it is ME in the dreams, i know what i would feel in different situations). Its almost like a test run with my emotions since in the dreams i feel what i normally would(good and bad). Again, the problem is whether i want to open my self up to both the joys and pains of vulnerability. Is that feeling worth worrying about certain things(even though i figured out alot of stupid things i worried about in past relationships, especially this last one) and the lows that come with being with someone? Should I lead with my heart or my head? I think Ive got it. I know what the good times will feel like. I guess I'll just have to give it a shot to feel what the bad times will.
The future is very bright because(believe it or not) it is unknown which means anything can happen.
I know the Lord will guide my paths and my life is in HIS hands so why worry?
EDIT: I realized it may have seamed cold to just say "I have no feelings for her anymore" out of nowhere like she didn't matter or anything. That's not it at all. It just seamed like something I should put down here since this is a journal for my thoughts and feelings.
I unlocked a message i posted the 7th so look down to the 7th if you want to see it. I was letting off some steam(its the first one...at 8 not at 11:20p.m).
Now that Ive stalled, I am so ready to be with someone( key word is READY lol). Don't get me wrong, I'm not desperate(if i was, i would ask out the first cute girl i saw) but yesterday I really realized it. I've got my school under control, which was the biggest things in my mind i needed to get done before i could emotionally commit to someone. I really really needed to know that thru the ups and downs, I knew what i had to get done at school and yesterday i realized i do.
While that is there, I still really like the emotional stability I have right now. I don't have to worry if i said the right thing or if I called enough or was there enough for someone(its not that I dont like being there for someone cuz i love that, it's just i don;t have to worry about whether I said or did or do things to hurt or offend or upset them and then have them act weird in return then wonder about why they are acting like that). While the highs of an emotional bond are awesome, the lows sometimes aren't worth it in the long run. Yeah it is awesome to open yourself up to someone and have them totally be into you but then I remember all the times where there was confusion and worry (although I've figured out ways around alot of that, it still sux when you feel it). I know if I met the right person, unless something out of my control prevented it, i would go for it.
I've been having weird dreams again. In one last nite, I liked someone, they liked me, but as the dream went on, her(ready for this) face got less and less attractive(at one point her face was inside out, like you could see her face without skin....really weird). I have no idea what it meant.
Anyway, believe it or not, those dreams(i had more where i was with someone...seems to be a theme lately) help me know I could be ready for something(since it is ME in the dreams, i know what i would feel in different situations). Its almost like a test run with my emotions since in the dreams i feel what i normally would(good and bad). Again, the problem is whether i want to open my self up to both the joys and pains of vulnerability. Is that feeling worth worrying about certain things(even though i figured out alot of stupid things i worried about in past relationships, especially this last one) and the lows that come with being with someone? Should I lead with my heart or my head? I think Ive got it. I know what the good times will feel like. I guess I'll just have to give it a shot to feel what the bad times will.
The future is very bright because(believe it or not) it is unknown which means anything can happen.
I know the Lord will guide my paths and my life is in HIS hands so why worry?