(no subject)
I'm struggling with the idea that this is meant to be. Mainly, how it can be so when we're going to be apart for the next three years.
I only struggle with this when we aren't together; whenever I get to see him and just spend time with him, all those thoughts go out the window. He knows me like no one else; he makes me laugh like no one else can; he can calm me down and destress me just by talking; there are so many more things, too many to list. I adore him, I really do. I'm not annoyed with him all the time like I was with ex-boyfriends. It hasn't gotten old like past crushes. After 4 years, I still can't wait to see him next and am more attracted to him every day.
But I won't have the luxury of seeing him very often next year, and I guess I'm just worried that all these thoughts are going to consume my life and screw everything up. Our relationship is pretty safe right now - we have to work on it more than most because we're apart, but it isn't very difficult to do. We've gotten into a groove; this is normal. And I guess I'm just not ready for all of that to fall apart.
I know I'm writing about this a lot and sound ridiculously "emo"; even though I hate that word, I think it adequately describes this. I don't really tend to write about the daily happenings of my life - I can't just talk about my day and make it interesting enough for even me to want to read it. But this is on my mind and it will be for quite some time...
I just wish things were different. And if want things to be so different, how can this be meant to be? But when we've been together as long as we have and get along so well - how can it not?
I don't know.
I only struggle with this when we aren't together; whenever I get to see him and just spend time with him, all those thoughts go out the window. He knows me like no one else; he makes me laugh like no one else can; he can calm me down and destress me just by talking; there are so many more things, too many to list. I adore him, I really do. I'm not annoyed with him all the time like I was with ex-boyfriends. It hasn't gotten old like past crushes. After 4 years, I still can't wait to see him next and am more attracted to him every day.
But I won't have the luxury of seeing him very often next year, and I guess I'm just worried that all these thoughts are going to consume my life and screw everything up. Our relationship is pretty safe right now - we have to work on it more than most because we're apart, but it isn't very difficult to do. We've gotten into a groove; this is normal. And I guess I'm just not ready for all of that to fall apart.
I know I'm writing about this a lot and sound ridiculously "emo"; even though I hate that word, I think it adequately describes this. I don't really tend to write about the daily happenings of my life - I can't just talk about my day and make it interesting enough for even me to want to read it. But this is on my mind and it will be for quite some time...
I just wish things were different. And if want things to be so different, how can this be meant to be? But when we've been together as long as we have and get along so well - how can it not?
I don't know.