Into Her Web
Once upon a time, a youthful, cheerful, good-natured man filled with great enthusiasm for the female of the species was enjoying a girl-filled yet complication-free life when a close friend tried to set him up on a blind date with her aunt. He said "Sure!" and joined her and her husband, also a close friend, to meet this relative at dinner.
The failure of this meeting to go anywhere remotely interesting was spectacular and epic. The aunt was an attractive young woman, but sullen and distant. Our protagonist tried gamely to draw her out, to involve her in the conversation that every one else was enjoying, to find out something - anything - about her as a person... and she finally volunteered exactly two pieces of data -
"I hate to read. And I prefer anal sex."
- and then had nothing more to say for the remainder of the evening. The man looked at his friends and said, "Dudes. Seriously. What the hell were you thinking?" and when they said they had someone else they wanted him to meet who would be absolutely perfect for him, all he could say was "Yeah. Riiiiiigghht. Like I trust your judgement now..."
Meanwhile, across the great span of the Twin Cities, a striking and powerful young woman was being told about this great guy that she really ought to meet. The daughter and son-in-law of her best friend were eager to have her over for dinner to meet him... to which she said, "Fuck that. Give me his phone number and I'll call him. If he seems okay, I'll meet him myself on my own terms. If he doesn't, I won't. That's way simpler than all this contrived meet-for-dinner-with-mutual-friends bullshit."
The man had agreed, somewhat reluctantly, to have contact with this mystery woman. Partly out of curiousity but also, if truth be told, partly to get his eager friends to shut up and quit bothering him about it. Around that time he was visiting other long-time friends to whom he related the story of the Blind Date Of Boring Weirdness - and then mentioned the other new prospect he'd agreed to speak to, and his friends said, "Oh! Her! We know her! You're going to meet her? She's wonderful! Your freewheeling bachelor days are officially over! You're going to marry her!"
It must be said, gentle readers, that the man had to make a heroic effort of will to not laugh abrasively in their faces. He succeeded, but it was a near thing. Him? Married? Yagoddabekidding. He'd tried hard in the past to make relationships work, and finally made his peace with the realization that Miss Right didn't exist but Miss Right Now would always be around somewhere. He was comfortable with that, and not looking for anything to change.
Though he had to admit, she sounded interesting...
And one night he got a phone call. And he and the mystery woman spoke at length about many things. It was four hours before they hung up, after having scheduled a date that each of them was looking forward to much more than they expected.
The day arrived. He drove to her home early in the evening with ingredients for dinner, and found her front door adorned with a plastic gargoyle leaning over a sign that read "All hope abandon, ye who enter here." When he pressed on the gargoyle the door chimed the opening movement of Bach's "Tocatta and Fugue in D Minor", and he thought "Oh. Wow. I've definitely come to the right place!"
And the door opened. And they looked at each other. And she invited him. And he cooked, and they dined, and they talked... and evening became night, night gave way to morning, morning bloomed into afternoon... and when they finally parted company it was with the understanding that if they were to continue seeing each other, they would date only each other.
And that decision led to their marriage.
That fateful night was three years ago. Today.
Happy anniversary, TempleViper. I love you.
The failure of this meeting to go anywhere remotely interesting was spectacular and epic. The aunt was an attractive young woman, but sullen and distant. Our protagonist tried gamely to draw her out, to involve her in the conversation that every one else was enjoying, to find out something - anything - about her as a person... and she finally volunteered exactly two pieces of data -
"I hate to read. And I prefer anal sex."
- and then had nothing more to say for the remainder of the evening. The man looked at his friends and said, "Dudes. Seriously. What the hell were you thinking?" and when they said they had someone else they wanted him to meet who would be absolutely perfect for him, all he could say was "Yeah. Riiiiiigghht. Like I trust your judgement now..."
Meanwhile, across the great span of the Twin Cities, a striking and powerful young woman was being told about this great guy that she really ought to meet. The daughter and son-in-law of her best friend were eager to have her over for dinner to meet him... to which she said, "Fuck that. Give me his phone number and I'll call him. If he seems okay, I'll meet him myself on my own terms. If he doesn't, I won't. That's way simpler than all this contrived meet-for-dinner-with-mutual-friends bullshit."
The man had agreed, somewhat reluctantly, to have contact with this mystery woman. Partly out of curiousity but also, if truth be told, partly to get his eager friends to shut up and quit bothering him about it. Around that time he was visiting other long-time friends to whom he related the story of the Blind Date Of Boring Weirdness - and then mentioned the other new prospect he'd agreed to speak to, and his friends said, "Oh! Her! We know her! You're going to meet her? She's wonderful! Your freewheeling bachelor days are officially over! You're going to marry her!"
It must be said, gentle readers, that the man had to make a heroic effort of will to not laugh abrasively in their faces. He succeeded, but it was a near thing. Him? Married? Yagoddabekidding. He'd tried hard in the past to make relationships work, and finally made his peace with the realization that Miss Right didn't exist but Miss Right Now would always be around somewhere. He was comfortable with that, and not looking for anything to change.
Though he had to admit, she sounded interesting...
And one night he got a phone call. And he and the mystery woman spoke at length about many things. It was four hours before they hung up, after having scheduled a date that each of them was looking forward to much more than they expected.
The day arrived. He drove to her home early in the evening with ingredients for dinner, and found her front door adorned with a plastic gargoyle leaning over a sign that read "All hope abandon, ye who enter here." When he pressed on the gargoyle the door chimed the opening movement of Bach's "Tocatta and Fugue in D Minor", and he thought "Oh. Wow. I've definitely come to the right place!"
And the door opened. And they looked at each other. And she invited him. And he cooked, and they dined, and they talked... and evening became night, night gave way to morning, morning bloomed into afternoon... and when they finally parted company it was with the understanding that if they were to continue seeing each other, they would date only each other.
And that decision led to their marriage.
That fateful night was three years ago. Today.
Happy anniversary, TempleViper. I love you.