Francis Freel Can't Seal The Deal
So they made a movie about me. It's called "The 40 Year Old Virgin." I realize I have another 20 years to go...but I'm getting there. Now there may be a few technicalities with the title, but since it's been almost 2 years since I've gotten any...I'd say I'm more than allowed to say I am one. I mean...I can't go around saying I haven't gotten any in a long time, it's almost like saying "I'm bad at hooking up!" So that's my cover and I'm sticking to it. I think even god wants to make sure I don't get any. Take last night for instance...
I went into Boston to visit Mike and he and I hit up a party. It was pretty fun, not overwhelming, but not small and thankfully not a sausage-fest. I tend to become not only more charming, but better looking after a few drinks. This worked to my advantage as a member of the opposite sex was interested. Now, mind you I was in Boston to visit with Mike and drink beers...but a girl wouldn't have hurt. Mike was all for it as well. So, with one of my best friends and number 1 wing-man at my side, I decided I'd at least attempt to pursue her. Shortly there after, she was all about me.
HOWEVER the guy who's house we were at had taken quite a liking to her (her being the girl who was into me.) This became more and more obvious to me as he continued to push and shove me, in an attempt to knock me down the step between his kitchen and living room. Being the passive person I am, I wasn't going to get irritated by this, mainly because I was drunk, but also because I was 100% confident I could have beaten the bag out of this kid. Anyways he needed a beer-pong partner, naturally he picked her. So she got off of my lap and played. I stayed where I was and just ran the IPOD, making sure only the best songs were being played. Throughout the game she would come back to talk to me and this did nothing but piss off her partner. Throughout the evening she became more and more into me, at least that's what I gathered from her wearing my hat and kissing me. I'll admit it was a little awkward to have her partner grabbing her ass while she was flirting with me...
So you let me lay it out for you if you aren't catching my drift. This dude sucks, and he's pulling out all the stops trying to get with this girl. I am entirely confident that she will end up coming home with Mike and I. I have the situation locked up...or so I thought.
I went outside briefly to get some fresh air and a little change of pace. I chatted with a few people and that was that really. Couldn't have been out there more than 10 minutes. I walked back inside to Mike saying "We're leaving!" I questioned his rational...
Long story short...the girl (the one who was into me) and her beer-pong partner went into the bedroom to celebrate their big loss. Mike was pissed, Mike's friends were pissed, and her friends were pissed. I, being completely shitfaced...just wanted my hat back. So we kicked down the bedroom door, got my hat and left. After pulling the covers over herself she exclaimed "Wait, I thought I was going back with you guys?!" to which we replied "Like hell you are! Eat shit and DIE!!!"
I guess that shortly after we left, she came running out of the bedroom into the bathroom because she had to "spit" clearly she was a classy girl. In retrospect...I'm glad I didn't get mixed up with her. Fucking Whores.
I hate girls.
~f2
I went into Boston to visit Mike and he and I hit up a party. It was pretty fun, not overwhelming, but not small and thankfully not a sausage-fest. I tend to become not only more charming, but better looking after a few drinks. This worked to my advantage as a member of the opposite sex was interested. Now, mind you I was in Boston to visit with Mike and drink beers...but a girl wouldn't have hurt. Mike was all for it as well. So, with one of my best friends and number 1 wing-man at my side, I decided I'd at least attempt to pursue her. Shortly there after, she was all about me.
HOWEVER the guy who's house we were at had taken quite a liking to her (her being the girl who was into me.) This became more and more obvious to me as he continued to push and shove me, in an attempt to knock me down the step between his kitchen and living room. Being the passive person I am, I wasn't going to get irritated by this, mainly because I was drunk, but also because I was 100% confident I could have beaten the bag out of this kid. Anyways he needed a beer-pong partner, naturally he picked her. So she got off of my lap and played. I stayed where I was and just ran the IPOD, making sure only the best songs were being played. Throughout the game she would come back to talk to me and this did nothing but piss off her partner. Throughout the evening she became more and more into me, at least that's what I gathered from her wearing my hat and kissing me. I'll admit it was a little awkward to have her partner grabbing her ass while she was flirting with me...
So you let me lay it out for you if you aren't catching my drift. This dude sucks, and he's pulling out all the stops trying to get with this girl. I am entirely confident that she will end up coming home with Mike and I. I have the situation locked up...or so I thought.
I went outside briefly to get some fresh air and a little change of pace. I chatted with a few people and that was that really. Couldn't have been out there more than 10 minutes. I walked back inside to Mike saying "We're leaving!" I questioned his rational...
Long story short...the girl (the one who was into me) and her beer-pong partner went into the bedroom to celebrate their big loss. Mike was pissed, Mike's friends were pissed, and her friends were pissed. I, being completely shitfaced...just wanted my hat back. So we kicked down the bedroom door, got my hat and left. After pulling the covers over herself she exclaimed "Wait, I thought I was going back with you guys?!" to which we replied "Like hell you are! Eat shit and DIE!!!"
I guess that shortly after we left, she came running out of the bedroom into the bathroom because she had to "spit" clearly she was a classy girl. In retrospect...I'm glad I didn't get mixed up with her. Fucking Whores.
I hate girls.
~f2