READ AT OWN RISK
So I haven't updated in forever...I'm sure none of you lost any sleep over it. Fuck it, here goes...
School is over. Classes ended today and Finals are next week. I'll be home for the summer next Thursday. I'm not even excited about it. But I know I need to leave school, I'm ready for a change. The reason I say I'm not excited is because the idea of working 2 jobs all summer just doesn't excite me. I'm sure I'll have some fun in there some where...but overall it's going to be consumed by relentless hours in a tacky red bathing suit that rides up in all the worst places, or in the sub-zero temperatures of the dairy isle. Can you see why I'm less than pumped?
I think I have a serious problem. I'm not happy. Not by a long shot. Not at all. I don't know why I'm bothering to put this all down here, this isn't the time or place to bring this up...but someone needs to hear it. I need to get it out of my head. I have no confidence, no self-esteem, no pride and I see no reason to think differently. If this actually gets read, then fine. I'm not asking for attention or sympathy, so don't bother posting a comment praising me because I will just delete it.
I so desperately want to start a new band. "Copperfield" or whatever it ends up being called, is all I have going for myself...and it isn't even anything...just a hope. I write all the time...not a second goes by in a day where I'm not writing songs in head...no, I guess I'd have to say it's poetry, because I'm a musical retard and have the hardest time putting lyrics to music. I hope this band thing gets going rather quickly...I want to start doing shows ASAP. I'm so afraid I'm going to put so much into this and have it go nowhere...which is more or less the story of my life, so I guess I wouldn't be surprised...but it's all I have to hope for.
So remember that person I said I was spending time with? Who's company I was really enjoying? Remember? Well they've already written me off. I guess I deserved it though...I suck. I was just stubborn as they were...and it was stupid. Oh well...they're probably better off without me. I don't know if I can say the same for myself though...
I'm pathetic...I really am. I'm so lonely it's disgusting, and what's worse...I don't even really want to date, or hook-up, or have a girl-friend. Not that I could get any of those things to happen, but that's beside the point...I wish there was a surgical procedure that could rid me of my sex-drive, and hormones. They aren't going to any good use anyways...it's just a waste having them. At least if they were gone I could be more efficient...I wouldn't get distracted by girls at all...no day-dreaming...I'd be so productive. I'm going to seriously look into having this sort of operation. I hope I can afford it.
I apologize for my pessimism and all over emo-loser outlook on life. I haven't updated in a while for this very reason...I don't want anyone to have to deal with my issues. But since I was provoked into updating I did...don't you with I remained silent?
~f2
School is over. Classes ended today and Finals are next week. I'll be home for the summer next Thursday. I'm not even excited about it. But I know I need to leave school, I'm ready for a change. The reason I say I'm not excited is because the idea of working 2 jobs all summer just doesn't excite me. I'm sure I'll have some fun in there some where...but overall it's going to be consumed by relentless hours in a tacky red bathing suit that rides up in all the worst places, or in the sub-zero temperatures of the dairy isle. Can you see why I'm less than pumped?
I think I have a serious problem. I'm not happy. Not by a long shot. Not at all. I don't know why I'm bothering to put this all down here, this isn't the time or place to bring this up...but someone needs to hear it. I need to get it out of my head. I have no confidence, no self-esteem, no pride and I see no reason to think differently. If this actually gets read, then fine. I'm not asking for attention or sympathy, so don't bother posting a comment praising me because I will just delete it.
I so desperately want to start a new band. "Copperfield" or whatever it ends up being called, is all I have going for myself...and it isn't even anything...just a hope. I write all the time...not a second goes by in a day where I'm not writing songs in head...no, I guess I'd have to say it's poetry, because I'm a musical retard and have the hardest time putting lyrics to music. I hope this band thing gets going rather quickly...I want to start doing shows ASAP. I'm so afraid I'm going to put so much into this and have it go nowhere...which is more or less the story of my life, so I guess I wouldn't be surprised...but it's all I have to hope for.
So remember that person I said I was spending time with? Who's company I was really enjoying? Remember? Well they've already written me off. I guess I deserved it though...I suck. I was just stubborn as they were...and it was stupid. Oh well...they're probably better off without me. I don't know if I can say the same for myself though...
I'm pathetic...I really am. I'm so lonely it's disgusting, and what's worse...I don't even really want to date, or hook-up, or have a girl-friend. Not that I could get any of those things to happen, but that's beside the point...I wish there was a surgical procedure that could rid me of my sex-drive, and hormones. They aren't going to any good use anyways...it's just a waste having them. At least if they were gone I could be more efficient...I wouldn't get distracted by girls at all...no day-dreaming...I'd be so productive. I'm going to seriously look into having this sort of operation. I hope I can afford it.
I apologize for my pessimism and all over emo-loser outlook on life. I haven't updated in a while for this very reason...I don't want anyone to have to deal with my issues. But since I was provoked into updating I did...don't you with I remained silent?
~f2