Ancestor work with Kat
2257
This evening was the magical meet-up. Kat was presenting on working with ancestors. She has worked with ancestors through several different traditions. And she walked us through a meeting/introduction/ working with our ancestors.
I don't know what I was expecting but this was not it. I had the feeling that nothing was google to happen really. The ancestor I knew and was closest to I'm unsure of what terms she left this world and me in, my mom. I think I wanted/ didn't want to see her. I feel like I picked up where she left off in my own way but I feel I very much let her down personally.
In our discussion and her presentation before the actual working we discussed my native background so when we got into the working and a native American warrior, of what tribe I don't know, appeared around the circle I tried initially to ignore it thinking I must be making him appear there. He was tall, thin, his black hair pulled back severly with feathers at the top back of his head where his hair was pulled back to. He had a white rectangle of paint across his face at eye level and black beneath that I think. I remember seeing the black but not quite. Like it was and wasn't there as he moved.
I did as Kat instructed letting my intentions and barriers/rules for the contact be known and he is the one who walked through the circle/sphere towards me. He didn't talk buy radiated strength after a moment I realized that it was inner strength and he was offering it to me. As we watched one another and felt eachother out, which was really me trying to feel him out more I think, he opened his arms to me and and I knew that he wad offering to protect me, to gaurs my gates why I did the inner work I know I need to do but have held back from. I knew in that moment one of the blocks that I have been running up against, that I never feel safe, like it's okay for me to be vulnerable enough to do the work I need to. I know that I need to let down my gaurs to do this work and I feel so exposed and unguarded. And most of the people around me are people I know can't seem to help themselves when it cones to hurting me. Or at least it seems that way. He wrapped me in his arms and I knew I would be protected. Sometimes I think I'm afraid of hurting myself more than I've already been hurt and sometimes it might take that to heal. He offered me a safe place to do that healing. I shed a few tears of relief... and confusion, there is still a part of myself who rebels at the idea of relying on another, who doesn't know when or how to ask for help and guidance.
She brought us back and I ripped my tears away before the lights came up and almost didn't share but I've glad that I did. Kat and Taylor are so kind and supportive and everyone else had good, helpful things to say.
Kat gave me a wonderful gift this evening of a large finger labyrinth. She has never used it and she said it wanted to be with me.
Every time Kat had led us in her traditional working to the cross roads I see labyrinths mixed in with the spirals in the pulled at the cross roads. It really is a wonderful gift. I feel really drained. I should probably go to bed soon.
This evening was the magical meet-up. Kat was presenting on working with ancestors. She has worked with ancestors through several different traditions. And she walked us through a meeting/introduction/ working with our ancestors.
I don't know what I was expecting but this was not it. I had the feeling that nothing was google to happen really. The ancestor I knew and was closest to I'm unsure of what terms she left this world and me in, my mom. I think I wanted/ didn't want to see her. I feel like I picked up where she left off in my own way but I feel I very much let her down personally.
In our discussion and her presentation before the actual working we discussed my native background so when we got into the working and a native American warrior, of what tribe I don't know, appeared around the circle I tried initially to ignore it thinking I must be making him appear there. He was tall, thin, his black hair pulled back severly with feathers at the top back of his head where his hair was pulled back to. He had a white rectangle of paint across his face at eye level and black beneath that I think. I remember seeing the black but not quite. Like it was and wasn't there as he moved.
I did as Kat instructed letting my intentions and barriers/rules for the contact be known and he is the one who walked through the circle/sphere towards me. He didn't talk buy radiated strength after a moment I realized that it was inner strength and he was offering it to me. As we watched one another and felt eachother out, which was really me trying to feel him out more I think, he opened his arms to me and and I knew that he wad offering to protect me, to gaurs my gates why I did the inner work I know I need to do but have held back from. I knew in that moment one of the blocks that I have been running up against, that I never feel safe, like it's okay for me to be vulnerable enough to do the work I need to. I know that I need to let down my gaurs to do this work and I feel so exposed and unguarded. And most of the people around me are people I know can't seem to help themselves when it cones to hurting me. Or at least it seems that way. He wrapped me in his arms and I knew I would be protected. Sometimes I think I'm afraid of hurting myself more than I've already been hurt and sometimes it might take that to heal. He offered me a safe place to do that healing. I shed a few tears of relief... and confusion, there is still a part of myself who rebels at the idea of relying on another, who doesn't know when or how to ask for help and guidance.
She brought us back and I ripped my tears away before the lights came up and almost didn't share but I've glad that I did. Kat and Taylor are so kind and supportive and everyone else had good, helpful things to say.
Kat gave me a wonderful gift this evening of a large finger labyrinth. She has never used it and she said it wanted to be with me.
Every time Kat had led us in her traditional working to the cross roads I see labyrinths mixed in with the spirals in the pulled at the cross roads. It really is a wonderful gift. I feel really drained. I should probably go to bed soon.