(no subject)
so so so, me and Brandi had an epic talk about some pretty serious stuff last night. I feel like im in a little pickle right now, i have to clear my mind and get ready to be a grown up. and with that in mind i have to do whats best for not only me but for my heart, cause without a heart your just like the dead people in that land of the dead movie. so with that in mind i have a call to make and a heart to unbrake, hahahahahahahahahaahahaha wow i promise i will never say that agian. hahahaha well yeah, i kinda believe that every moment is worth it, bad or good, its still time in your life where you learn and you live. and trust me i have had my share of unhappiness just like everyone else in the world and ive had a lot of happiness because i take the hard way out and the hard way is alway the happist. sometimes i sit and think about what would have happened if i would have fought for everyone i lost, and that road just seemed very heroic for no reason. those people in my past, the ones i let go, they werent for me, they were to in love or to broken for me to be this hero for them, to save there feelings and get there hearts back to beating, that just never seemed worth it to me, if i cant be happy on my own then i should be on my own thats what i thought, and after a year of being competely happy on my own, i felt like ok i dont need a hero i need some one to be my friend and my boy and someone who i can laugh with and cry in front of and not take my shit, and yeah i did start a relationship for my happiness but after a while i learned that i really did choose the right person and that i should try to always have this for as long as we are both happy. and there were times when i knew that we would end and to my surprize we never did, and now just last night, i told my best friend maybe its better ended. i said he doesnt love me anymore, and i said id rather be unhappy then make him unhappy, and well she said sleep on it, and i did, andjust like i was dieng or something i had a dream about everything we shared together and all the jank weve been thru, and i woke up thinking im the luckest girl in the world. and i know he loves me and im just scared of leaveing and scared of looseing another person in my life that means the world to me. but i dont know, honestly sitting here writeing in a journal isnt gonna fix anything, so im gonna go now and work it out
love savannah