(no subject)
ahhhh i wanna do something but i know im just gonna regert it later so ahhhh this sucks. prom ahhhhh its so soon and i cant seem to get anything right anymore ahhhh i want it to be like ive been dreaming about it being, us all haveing our last big bang, our last time as kids and our 1st time as grown ups. its so hard to look back at my senior year and not know that i spent it the way god wanted me to. its just so hard to always have to be the person in the middle or the person begging to be forgiven or even the person who holds there tongue because they are to afraid that if they say the things they really want to that they will finally be the girl everyone knows she can be...thats how i feel right now. im holding myself back a lot! i keep telling people i dont wanna be a singer, you know why i dont wanna be a singer because i made up these stupid rules for myself about how im aloud to feel about music and no where in it says just sing to feel alive. i think i give life to much meaning. god ive been thinking a lot about relationships lately, my past ones, my friends ones and about what i have now. i think i feel so confuzed because i dont know what i want anymore. i cant explain to another person how i feel about them if i dont even know myself. to be honest im just so sick of takeing everything so seriously. if my friends are crazy mad in love that doesnt mean i have to sit there and feel sorry for myself because i dont have that right now. if i fight its always about something that could simply be avoided by someone saying sorry it wont happen agian. i dont know, life is to hard to always be thinking about all that jank, im with who im with and until that changes why bother. well i think i just helped me out a bit. ahhhhhhhhhhh i had a great day today i couldnt stop smileing schools almost out!!!