An Entry about Journaling
So, I think I've mentioned that I'm a member of embodiment, which is a comm devoted to paper journaling. I love it. I have been very successful, and now find myself upset when I don't have time to journal.
Yesterday and today I've been looking at journal pages from other people and just feeling jealous of their creativity with their pages. My pages are virtually text-only with the occasional ticket stub or random thing taped in. Theirs are so much more artistic.
I definitely don't want to do an art journal. That just isn't me. But I wish I could have more fun with my pages.
I'm wondering if it is because my journals have lines on them. It makes it a little more difficult to draw pretty pictures when you have lines in the way. But I've seen pages where people did whatever they wanted regardless of the lines. Perhaps I should just give it a try. Two journals ago, I wrote diagonally on the page instead of with the lines on a few entries and enjoyed the different look it created. I'm not incapable.
I think another problem is my limited creative resources. Many of the journalers I admire must have a room full of magazines they cut things out of. And various writing/coloring utensils. I only have my journal, whatever I find/have (ticket stubs, fortunes, whatever), pens, and markers. Perhaps I'm limiting myself. Plus, I don't really have a good space. I generally sit on the couch journaling, which makes it awkward with the book laying open in my lap. Hard to do anything creative. Hmmm...
I absolutely love the journals I use. And I think I have like 12 empty ones waiting to be filled. They are great journals. But looking at some of these other journals, I'm wondering if I should try a new type of journal. Perhaps one without lines. Perhaps a moleskin; those seem to be populat amongst the journaling crowd. But then my journals wouldn't all match. And I kinda like that even though they have different designs on the cover, that they all look the same in terms of dimension. Ya know...if you had told me I was going to be this crazy/slightly OCD about journaling, I never would've believed you. I thought I had more of a "do whatever as long as it is fun and creative," attitude, but the more I journal, the more I realize I like things the way I like them. And I'm like that with more than just journaling.
Then there are those people who actually make their journals. They create the covers, bind the paper together, everything. I am so jealous of them. I would love to do that! But I want someone to do it with. Something we can do together. I don't have anyone like that. I think I'd love to do it in a class setting where an instructor could help me when I undoubtedly get lost/frustrated/mess it up. There are some really creative ways to make journals, and I'd love to try it someday.
I have always wished I was more artistic, in terms of drawing/doodling. I mean, I can't even just doodle little people unless they are stick figures. A few months ago I did a chalk drawing of a tree reminiscent of a weeping willow, and thought it was gorgeous, for me. I mean, I'm not very talented, so it was still very amateurish, but I still was proud of myself. But, really, I can't draw people, animals, plants, landscapes...I can't really draw anything. Which is why I resort to writing words over and over and over. It's my form of doodling. "words, words, words, words," over and over in my journal. Sometimes I do it when I'm watching a movie/tv show and I'll write words that I hear. I know it is weird, but since I can't actually draw, I want to be doing something.
What I am especially proud of is I got past my censoring (for the most part). When I first started embodiment I censored myself a lot in my journals. I write in the hopes that my children, or their children, or their children's children will someday read my words. Well, that was tying me up because I didn't want them to read certain things I was thinking/feeling/doing. Because we all want to be seen in the best light, of course. At least, I do. But I have gotten past that. I only keep out certain things. But otherwise, I am letting myself talk about how I'm feeling and why and I think it's great.
I try not to go back and read too much of what I write. As I am already obsessed with my past, I have discovered it isn't too good for me to go back and read what I've written. Most of the time it makes me sad. Or wish I was back there. So I just write it and leave it where it is. But I am so glad I started this embodiment project back in 2008 because a lot of important things happened to me that year and it was important that they were written down. That was the year I was divorced and had to deal with all that court stuff because of Dave. I think it is important that it's recorded. Important to me.
I love the smell of ink on paper.
I love seeing pages and pages and pages filled with words I've written.
I love journaling.
I wish I had been journaling all of my life. I think about things now, things I want to remember, and I struggled to know when or where I was. Who I was with. I wish I had been journaling to keep that record of my life. If I have kids, I hope I'm able to pass on my love of journaling to them. So they can know how wonderful it is to keep a record of your life. I would like them to know that.
Well, I guess I've typed enough about paper journaling. I think I'll print this out and stick it in my journal. It's a pretty neat entry.
Yesterday and today I've been looking at journal pages from other people and just feeling jealous of their creativity with their pages. My pages are virtually text-only with the occasional ticket stub or random thing taped in. Theirs are so much more artistic.
I definitely don't want to do an art journal. That just isn't me. But I wish I could have more fun with my pages.
I'm wondering if it is because my journals have lines on them. It makes it a little more difficult to draw pretty pictures when you have lines in the way. But I've seen pages where people did whatever they wanted regardless of the lines. Perhaps I should just give it a try. Two journals ago, I wrote diagonally on the page instead of with the lines on a few entries and enjoyed the different look it created. I'm not incapable.
I think another problem is my limited creative resources. Many of the journalers I admire must have a room full of magazines they cut things out of. And various writing/coloring utensils. I only have my journal, whatever I find/have (ticket stubs, fortunes, whatever), pens, and markers. Perhaps I'm limiting myself. Plus, I don't really have a good space. I generally sit on the couch journaling, which makes it awkward with the book laying open in my lap. Hard to do anything creative. Hmmm...
I absolutely love the journals I use. And I think I have like 12 empty ones waiting to be filled. They are great journals. But looking at some of these other journals, I'm wondering if I should try a new type of journal. Perhaps one without lines. Perhaps a moleskin; those seem to be populat amongst the journaling crowd. But then my journals wouldn't all match. And I kinda like that even though they have different designs on the cover, that they all look the same in terms of dimension. Ya know...if you had told me I was going to be this crazy/slightly OCD about journaling, I never would've believed you. I thought I had more of a "do whatever as long as it is fun and creative," attitude, but the more I journal, the more I realize I like things the way I like them. And I'm like that with more than just journaling.
Then there are those people who actually make their journals. They create the covers, bind the paper together, everything. I am so jealous of them. I would love to do that! But I want someone to do it with. Something we can do together. I don't have anyone like that. I think I'd love to do it in a class setting where an instructor could help me when I undoubtedly get lost/frustrated/mess it up. There are some really creative ways to make journals, and I'd love to try it someday.
I have always wished I was more artistic, in terms of drawing/doodling. I mean, I can't even just doodle little people unless they are stick figures. A few months ago I did a chalk drawing of a tree reminiscent of a weeping willow, and thought it was gorgeous, for me. I mean, I'm not very talented, so it was still very amateurish, but I still was proud of myself. But, really, I can't draw people, animals, plants, landscapes...I can't really draw anything. Which is why I resort to writing words over and over and over. It's my form of doodling. "words, words, words, words," over and over in my journal. Sometimes I do it when I'm watching a movie/tv show and I'll write words that I hear. I know it is weird, but since I can't actually draw, I want to be doing something.
What I am especially proud of is I got past my censoring (for the most part). When I first started embodiment I censored myself a lot in my journals. I write in the hopes that my children, or their children, or their children's children will someday read my words. Well, that was tying me up because I didn't want them to read certain things I was thinking/feeling/doing. Because we all want to be seen in the best light, of course. At least, I do. But I have gotten past that. I only keep out certain things. But otherwise, I am letting myself talk about how I'm feeling and why and I think it's great.
I try not to go back and read too much of what I write. As I am already obsessed with my past, I have discovered it isn't too good for me to go back and read what I've written. Most of the time it makes me sad. Or wish I was back there. So I just write it and leave it where it is. But I am so glad I started this embodiment project back in 2008 because a lot of important things happened to me that year and it was important that they were written down. That was the year I was divorced and had to deal with all that court stuff because of Dave. I think it is important that it's recorded. Important to me.
I love the smell of ink on paper.
I love seeing pages and pages and pages filled with words I've written.
I love journaling.
I wish I had been journaling all of my life. I think about things now, things I want to remember, and I struggled to know when or where I was. Who I was with. I wish I had been journaling to keep that record of my life. If I have kids, I hope I'm able to pass on my love of journaling to them. So they can know how wonderful it is to keep a record of your life. I would like them to know that.
Well, I guess I've typed enough about paper journaling. I think I'll print this out and stick it in my journal. It's a pretty neat entry.