(no subject)
I feel like a kid again. scraped knees and climbin' trees and wrestling matches that last all night and almost never lead to anything else. bruises all over and altogether too much giggling. sometimes it's hard to watch the city pass when you have something so much more aesthetic right beside you. it's hard to do much of anything actually, except for giggle some more and stare when you think he's not looking and blush when he catches you.
these days I enjoy the time I get to spend doing absolutely nothing. sharing a cigarette out the window and playing games for hours. walking for a long time with no destination for no other reason than that it's a nice day outside. sleeping in even though there were meetings and classes to attend in one of those beds from the commercials... the kind you can stand a wine glass on and jump next to and it still won't spill.
not feeling too much about anything but this general lightness that carries me through the heavy times. the lonely times. the times when I wake up alone in a room full of someone else's stuff and wonder just exactly what happened to make him want to leave so much.
life goes on. and it just keeps. going. on. I'm learning that it doesn't matter too much whether you want to scream at it to stop, just for a minute. just so you can examine the moment you're in in great enough detail to ensure you never lose one tiny part of it no matter how long you live. but it never does. your yellow lighted coccoon in the morning that casts such pretty shadows on his face is always punctured sooner than you'd like by the phone ringing, the alarm going off, someone knocking on the door.
sometimes I crave the slower pace of my old life, but I know it just makes me crazy. they say the grass is always greener... I think for me that statement is truer than for most. I need to spend less time contemplating the grass over there and more time making my garden grow.
these days I enjoy the time I get to spend doing absolutely nothing. sharing a cigarette out the window and playing games for hours. walking for a long time with no destination for no other reason than that it's a nice day outside. sleeping in even though there were meetings and classes to attend in one of those beds from the commercials... the kind you can stand a wine glass on and jump next to and it still won't spill.
not feeling too much about anything but this general lightness that carries me through the heavy times. the lonely times. the times when I wake up alone in a room full of someone else's stuff and wonder just exactly what happened to make him want to leave so much.
life goes on. and it just keeps. going. on. I'm learning that it doesn't matter too much whether you want to scream at it to stop, just for a minute. just so you can examine the moment you're in in great enough detail to ensure you never lose one tiny part of it no matter how long you live. but it never does. your yellow lighted coccoon in the morning that casts such pretty shadows on his face is always punctured sooner than you'd like by the phone ringing, the alarm going off, someone knocking on the door.
sometimes I crave the slower pace of my old life, but I know it just makes me crazy. they say the grass is always greener... I think for me that statement is truer than for most. I need to spend less time contemplating the grass over there and more time making my garden grow.