Official release of my FICTIONAL monologue, this is the beginning of a startling career
Hi, I’m a sexoholic.
I live for sex. I’m not saying I’m some kind of prostitute. I just can’t get enough of it. To me, sex is better than a stress ball or throwing things against the wall… unless you’re thinking of throwing me against the wall. Plus, they say sex is a whole body workout. So what’s wrong with ‘sexercizing’ 5 times a day? It’s a healthy lifestyle right? You know, whoever said chocolate was better than sex; they’ve never had sex. Or the kind I’ve had anyway. And it’s fun! You play mahjongg, I have sex. What’s the difference?
I never realized that it was an issue until my friends staged an intervention. An intervention. They think I’m having too much sex. Granted, they worry about STDs. Don’t speak to me like I’m a child, I told them. Number one, I use protection. And I go for regular check-ups. They know I’m a bit of a hypochondriac. I go to the hospital when I’ve got the slightest hint of the flu for god’s sake! They say I’m dependent on sex, that I’m constantly on the hunt for willing men - as if I really had to ‘hunt’. When there’s a demand for sex, there’s always a supply. When I laughed it off, they called me a nymphomaniac. I had to look it up. Apparently, I’m a ‘woman with abnormal sexual desires’. It’s called a healthy appetite. Just because you don’t have sex as much as I do doesn’t make me abnormal. You’re the abnormal one! Worse, they want me to go for Sexaholic Anonymous meetings. I’m not an addict! Although… bonding with birds of the same feather may not be that bad an idea.
I live for sex. I’m not saying I’m some kind of prostitute. I just can’t get enough of it. To me, sex is better than a stress ball or throwing things against the wall… unless you’re thinking of throwing me against the wall. Plus, they say sex is a whole body workout. So what’s wrong with ‘sexercizing’ 5 times a day? It’s a healthy lifestyle right? You know, whoever said chocolate was better than sex; they’ve never had sex. Or the kind I’ve had anyway. And it’s fun! You play mahjongg, I have sex. What’s the difference?
I never realized that it was an issue until my friends staged an intervention. An intervention. They think I’m having too much sex. Granted, they worry about STDs. Don’t speak to me like I’m a child, I told them. Number one, I use protection. And I go for regular check-ups. They know I’m a bit of a hypochondriac. I go to the hospital when I’ve got the slightest hint of the flu for god’s sake! They say I’m dependent on sex, that I’m constantly on the hunt for willing men - as if I really had to ‘hunt’. When there’s a demand for sex, there’s always a supply. When I laughed it off, they called me a nymphomaniac. I had to look it up. Apparently, I’m a ‘woman with abnormal sexual desires’. It’s called a healthy appetite. Just because you don’t have sex as much as I do doesn’t make me abnormal. You’re the abnormal one! Worse, they want me to go for Sexaholic Anonymous meetings. I’m not an addict! Although… bonding with birds of the same feather may not be that bad an idea.