273. 5 Stupid Things We All Do
Ok so there are a lot of stupid things that we do on a regular, if not daily, basis and singling out five of them is kind of like having the opportunity to kill all the members of U2 and killing only one of them who isn't even Bono. On that basis I acknowledge the inherent futility of this list and yet am inexplicably going to forge ahead anyway. What makes these things significant to me is not the stupidity of each of them taken on their own, because they aren't really that stupid (on the Darwin scale of 1 to strapping a J Dam rocket to your car), but the fact that they seem to be so omnipresent.
I am loving the big words today aren't I?
Anyway enough literary masturbation. Lets get on with the list shall we?
5. Turning round and round repeatedly while looking for something.
I do it, you do it everybody does it. Apparently when you have lost something vital that really needs to be found in a hurry, standing on the spot and whipping your body around in a circle like a demented tubby version of Billy Elliot is the go to method of choice for getting it found. I have no idea whether this is in fact part of some ancient ritualistic dance like a rain dance for misplaced paraphernalia but it certainly doesn't seem to be diminishing in popularity.
4. Brushing your finger under your nose just after picking it.
I can't claim the credit for noticing this little quirk as I am shamelessly stealing it from a comedian who is much funnier than I am but, as I can't remember who it was I can't actually credit them. Anyway the point stands that immediately after picking your nose you will involuntarily then brush your finger under it as if to pretend that you were only scratching it. It's a reflex.
3. Bass Face.
When hearing music with loud bass in it you will scrunch up your face in a kind of appreciative grimace and possibly nod your head. Whether the bass in question takes the form of dance music, a Rolling Stones riff or a drum being played by some irritatingly hipsterish faux irish pub band it makes little difference at some point you will do it and will now be hideously self conscious about what you looked like at the time.
2.The Secondary Question.
When asking a question and hearing a response you are unfamiliar with instead of simply acknowledging that you have no clue who they are you will simply ask the question again as if suffering from a hearing malfunction rather than a deficiency of knowledge/cool/education. For example:
P1Q1 "Oooh I like this song, who is it by?"
A "Skrillex"
P1Q2 "Who?"
A "Skrillex"
P1 "Oh right" (Has no clue what is going on).
This is universal. If you are not aware that you do it at all then you almost certainly do it a lot more than you think you do.
And the all time dumbest thing we can't stop ourselves doing...
1. Sniffing things that we know are going to smell bad.
Even when you know it is going to honk worse than a taxi drivers armit after a closed window drive through the desert you will still, in spite of all previous experience that it is bad, tentatively poke your nose into the container that once contained milk but now contains a kind of lumpy custard looking substance and give it a sniff. You will then follow this up by gagging and wondering why the hell you felt the need to do it. Sniffing things that smell bad is practically a hobby we do it so often and no amount of eyewatering and dry retching is apparently able to cure us of the insanity.
Feel free to add to the list if you have some of your own but these 5 are my favourites...