tried to take a picture of love
i've spent the past few hours in a daze, looking at our whatsapp chat. Watching you come online and then disappear. And it repeats. I'm reading old messages, ones from the good days. How happy we were. If someone didn't know better, they might have thought we were in love.
It's pathetic I know, I am a mess (but you always knew that didn't you?). I'm not exactly sure what I'm waiting for. Maybe it is hope that you will message me saying that it was all a bad dream "come here let me hold you" Maybe it is wanting you to acknowledge me as yours one more time "tell me what's wrong baby" Maybe I just want you to say something. anything. just to let me know you are there.
I've been so unfair to you since everything started. I've used you as a punching bag, a shoulder to cry on, amongst other things. I don't know why you let yourself go through all that, especially since you must have so much to deal with on your own. We were supposed to help each other through the heartbreak but somehow it ended up as you saving me from endless spells of despair, emotions and tears. You don't deserve any of this.
I cannot fully explain why I did what I did, but I think you have an inkling of it. I need to be free, not just to meet other people, but to learn how to stand on my own two feet. I cannot keep using you for this, trapping you in my cycles of uncertainty and moodswings. I don't want you waking up worrying which version of amanda you're getting today, fretting about how to deal with me today, tomorrow, the day after. I think the time alone will help me with this. I'm not 100% sure, but at least I can try.
In some ideal and perfect world you'd tell me you will wait around till I am okay. Till I've figured it out. But that's selfish as fuck, and I don't expect that. I want you to be happy too. So yes, we should be, and are, both free.
All I ask is that when this storm is over, when we are both okay and not aching from the pains of past lovers and the mistakes we have made, if you look into my eyes and still feel something there, that you will give me this chance again. The chance to love you right.
p.s. Happy 28th. God sent me an angel in the form of you.
It's pathetic I know, I am a mess (but you always knew that didn't you?). I'm not exactly sure what I'm waiting for. Maybe it is hope that you will message me saying that it was all a bad dream "come here let me hold you" Maybe it is wanting you to acknowledge me as yours one more time "tell me what's wrong baby" Maybe I just want you to say something. anything. just to let me know you are there.
I've been so unfair to you since everything started. I've used you as a punching bag, a shoulder to cry on, amongst other things. I don't know why you let yourself go through all that, especially since you must have so much to deal with on your own. We were supposed to help each other through the heartbreak but somehow it ended up as you saving me from endless spells of despair, emotions and tears. You don't deserve any of this.
I cannot fully explain why I did what I did, but I think you have an inkling of it. I need to be free, not just to meet other people, but to learn how to stand on my own two feet. I cannot keep using you for this, trapping you in my cycles of uncertainty and moodswings. I don't want you waking up worrying which version of amanda you're getting today, fretting about how to deal with me today, tomorrow, the day after. I think the time alone will help me with this. I'm not 100% sure, but at least I can try.
In some ideal and perfect world you'd tell me you will wait around till I am okay. Till I've figured it out. But that's selfish as fuck, and I don't expect that. I want you to be happy too. So yes, we should be, and are, both free.
All I ask is that when this storm is over, when we are both okay and not aching from the pains of past lovers and the mistakes we have made, if you look into my eyes and still feel something there, that you will give me this chance again. The chance to love you right.
p.s. Happy 28th. God sent me an angel in the form of you.