Steel, Pewter, and Iron(y)
Last night at Sabbat de Sade, I had the immense pleasure of being completely objectified in a pleathery zentai suit that masked my identity, in addtion to having a mirror attached to me so that the only face you could possibly see on me, was your very own. Behind the murky veil of this outfit that was constantly crushing upon my face and outlining every inch of my skin, I felt simultaneously exposed and concealed. I suppose thats the nature of objectification and anonymity. However, seeing out of it was so difficult and the outfits people were wearing were so extravagant, they too were anonymous to me. It was so interesting observing how people interacted with me when I didn't have a face. It was much harder t communicate with some than others.
Last night there came another realization to me. This being the ironic part as it happened while I was in a spandex zentai suit that made me feel somewhat like Spiderman or some other masked superhero. I am not invinicible. As much as I've built up this fortress to keep myself protected and keep my friends safe. I apparently can reflect your visage in my mirror, but I cannot repel bullets.
I have a lot of pride, and I have recently acquired extremely high standards of how I conduct myself and how I treat others. (It tends to come with a stable self esteem, I had to evolve to Advanced Level to finally achieve that). I know I am not perfect, but I pride myself on discipline and honesty. I had formed a very special friendship with someone recently whom I have learned to care very much about. Unfortunately, there are some incredibly weak people in closer proximity than I expected, whom have said some very dishonest things about me and have ruined this bond I've made with this person.
What is most shocking to me, is I thought I was invincible to that. I thought that I could present myself in a way that would make people want to trust me, confide in me, allow them to be comforted and cared for.
I had no idea that how people perceived me could be so strongly affected by mudslinging.
(Yes I'm a naive pompous ass apparently)
Well this is a very rude awakening I could have done without.
I haven't lost hope though...All I can do is try to reach out again. In the mean time...I'll leave the spiderman suit at home and try to remind myself that I'm human like everyone else.
Last night there came another realization to me. This being the ironic part as it happened while I was in a spandex zentai suit that made me feel somewhat like Spiderman or some other masked superhero. I am not invinicible. As much as I've built up this fortress to keep myself protected and keep my friends safe. I apparently can reflect your visage in my mirror, but I cannot repel bullets.
I have a lot of pride, and I have recently acquired extremely high standards of how I conduct myself and how I treat others. (It tends to come with a stable self esteem, I had to evolve to Advanced Level to finally achieve that). I know I am not perfect, but I pride myself on discipline and honesty. I had formed a very special friendship with someone recently whom I have learned to care very much about. Unfortunately, there are some incredibly weak people in closer proximity than I expected, whom have said some very dishonest things about me and have ruined this bond I've made with this person.
What is most shocking to me, is I thought I was invincible to that. I thought that I could present myself in a way that would make people want to trust me, confide in me, allow them to be comforted and cared for.
I had no idea that how people perceived me could be so strongly affected by mudslinging.
(Yes I'm a naive pompous ass apparently)
Well this is a very rude awakening I could have done without.
I haven't lost hope though...All I can do is try to reach out again. In the mean time...I'll leave the spiderman suit at home and try to remind myself that I'm human like everyone else.