Entre l'Amour et la Mort, Chapter 22 part 1

[sav8801]

Title: Entre l'Amour et la Mort
Author: P-L
Fandom: The Hollows, AKA the Rachel Morgan Series, Rachel/Ivy
Rating: M
Disclaimer: Those characters belong to Kim Harrison. I'm just having a little fun with them.
Summary: A run gone wrong sets events into motion, events that lead to a bittersweet realisation... and the birth of Rachel's worst nightmare


A/N: Surprise! Guess what people? I'm not actually dead. Whoddathunk?

I'm very sorry about this latest delay. The universe it seems keeps conspiring to keep me from finishing this story in a timely manner. Since the last time I uploaded, I managed to flunk out of my degree, therefore requiring I once again turn my life on its head looking for a future. I won't bore you with the details, but it's been a rough patch I crawled out of recently. I had no willpower left to write for a long-ass time. It didn't help either that this chapter has been fighting me for months with a ferocity that made me wonder if it was self-aware enough to refuse to be written. It was easily the greatest writing ordeal of my short list of fanfic accomplishments... which makes me doubly embarrassed to be posting this today. I've sweat blood and tears to push it out, I've made you wait so damn long, and all I've got to show for it... isn't exactly the most thrilling piece of writing you'll ever see (I would have said it's garbage if not for you, Wye, so thanks). I hope you'll disagree, and I hope you can forgive me for missing my previous deadline in such a spectacular manner. I've screwed worse than fanfic this time, and it's my only excuse.

It's also worth noting that I haven't read the Hollows since I quit less than halfway through PD. At this point, I might be straying pretty far from the existing canon, so keep in mind I've outlined this after ODW came out, and I'm only working within the series' confines as they were established at this point (minus the banshees). I don't exactly know better at this point.

Chapter 23

The remainder of the time I spent at the cemetery was quiet and uneventful compared to what transpired with Ivy's family. Other than a few surprisingly admiring looks I caught from the corner of my eyes coming from the vampires surrounding me, nothing really worth mentioning happened. Mrs Tamwood looked perturbed about something, you would have needed a power tool or three to separate Erica and her dad and Angel stayed out of sight, which I was starting to believe was her natural behaviour, she could be so erased and discreet.

Truthfully, I had no idea if the rogue guardian was still around, what with that obscuration charm of hers, and so it didn't bode too well for the answers I hoped she would give me. I could put two and two together however, and I did realise, once I had some peace and quiet to mull it over, that Nathalie had probably loaned Ivy her scion to help her establish her power base, seeing as the ancient master vamp had also made her a gift of her blood and power in order to help smooth this whole 'I murdered the woman you love, I'm sorry' thing over with Skimmer. Ivy hadn't mentioned taking a scion of her own, but I doubted she had, meaning the assistance of the old and powerful elf would have been doubly welcome in order to fulfil some of those required duties. And, before you ask, no, I'm not oblivious or plain stupid enough to believe Ivy wasn't considering me as a potential candidate for that job. In all likelihood, she was saving me a seat by her side, which would account for the fact she was still without a scion even in this period of strife. That was a subject I intended to shoot down whenever it even hinted at being brought up. I had less than no intentions of ever taking up that mantle, period.

I'm sorry babe. I love you, and I'll prove it just about any way you want, but we're not tying that noose. Ever. I addressed my lover a quick apologetic thought, feeling just a tiny bit guilty I never intended to even broach the subject with her after all she'd sacrificed for me. It was a slippery slope if I ever saw one, and I didn't want things to start heading downhill when prospects between us were finally looking up.

Lucky for me, I wasn't left alone to mull over that dangerous line of thought long, as I was joined by Reed and Heidi as soon as the congregated vampires got moving. The two vamps had taken Ivy's orders to heart, as well as annoyingly close flanking positions next to me. The urge to shoo them was definitely there, but since I liked the two of them and didn't want them in trouble with my girlfriend, I shut up and graciously tolerated my two highly lethal, sharply dressed signposts. Leaving me alone would have been indulging anyway; I wasn't scary enough to outweigh the threat of Ivy's wrath, unless magic was involved.

When the time came to leave and we began to move towards the cars, I was surprised not to feel so excluded any longer. I still stood out like a sore thumb amongst the many vampires surrounding me, but somehow I felt... accepted, rather than a barely welcome outsider, the clearest sign being I wasn't left behind in the dust once the show was over. Amongst themselves, vampires didn't restrain themselves to strictly politically correct speed, yet there they were, slowing their pace to let me in their midst, surrounding me almost protectively. The distance between me and them was gradually but surely shrinking from wariness to near-reverence, something I wondered they were aware of. As I observed the subtle but undeniable phenomenon, I realised standing up to two undeads for Erica's sake had elevated their opinion of me somehow; vampires have a tendency to look up to those who stand up for them. Ivy certainly had revered me like that for a while back when she was truly alive, after I took down Piscary. She had grown past her natural tendencies later on, which I had been proud of her for because having the strong woman, or anyone, look up to me that way had been unnerving as hell, but my weariness with Cincinnati's quasi-rejection of my past actions meant I still basked a bit in the feeling of admiring acceptance tonight. I was almost a shunned witch these days, so bite me but it felt good to be admired and appreciated for doing what came naturally to me, rather being judged and frowned upon for my illicit or sometimes downright whacky methods. Not to sound whiny, but I never got so much as a thank you for stopping Al rampaging through Cinci or for taking the Focus out of the many-sided chess board that was the Inderland balance of power. Even though it had to be done, for everyone's sake, I mostly just caught flak for it. Just saying, even after you save their butts, people can be ungrateful jerks. It was a refreshing change that they weren't for once.

Reed, Heidi and I had some unforeseen trouble when we reached my tiny two-seater convertible, though, and I couldn't help but smirk a bit at my two heavily armed vamp signposts when they worriedly consulted with each other, trying to figure out how to get to the Tamwood-Randall estate when their boss had thundered out of the cemetery with their ride. Fortunately for both their asses, and their wallets, I didn't get to leave them one of them behind, and earn them Ivy's ire, since Mr Randall waved them over to his car, offering them a ride as a gesture of goodwill. The two of them split up, Heidi staying with me while Reed took Mr Randall up on his offer, the larger car of Ivy's family much more accommodating to his ursine frame than my little sporty one.

"Word to the wise? When she offers, don't let her drive." Reed took me aside before he left and warned me in a mischievous conspiratorial whisper, even though Heidi was standing right next to us and there was no way her vamp hearing would miss it. "You saw what she can do with a SUV. Get her behind the wheel of anything sportier, and you've got yourself a guaranteed heart attack."

Heidi took offence at that, and decided to express her discontentment by swatting her friend on the arm hard enough to stagger him, yet despite hitting Reed with the approximate gentleness of a Mack truck, she only succeeded in making the large man guffaw. Peeved, Heidi tried to swoop in for a follow-up, only to end up firmly but affectionately gripped by his huge hands and captured into an almost worshipful embrace, the female vampire I'd only ever seen aloof and sharply focused bursting with gleeful laughter when Reed nuzzled her throat in apology. I turned around when the two of them shared a quick but passionate kiss before parting ways, only Heidi staying near my car.

"So... you and Reed, huh?" I gave her a friendly poke, glad to see my instincts had been right and these two had found each other. Despite the mild weather the living vamp's skin had a flushed tint to it and her eyes were twinkling in pleasure, while her breathing was just hard enough to hint at Reed's kissing skills. She couldn't look more like the cat that ate the canary.

"Reed and me." The woman I'd seen handle a shotgun half my size like she was born with it in her hands confirmed with a nod, chewing on her lower lip to try and keep a huge grin worthy of any crushing schoolgirl from blooming on her face. It wasn't exactly effective, as it only made her ludicrously satisfied look worse, and a pair of perfectly shaped dimples appear on her cheeks, which was only one thing I noticed when I caught my eyes lingering on her face. Now that she wasn't shadowing her mistress or rescuing teenagers out of booby trapped pre-Turn mansions, it was nice to see her let her hair down. She had been coldly beautiful before, but with a radiant smile on her flushed face I finally realised she was a stunner. The vamp didn't quite measure up to the beauty standards of my personal vampire princess, but she was a looker in her own rights, and really, who can stand a chance next to flat-out perfection? No one, that's who.

"I don't suppose you had a hand in him asking me out?"

"Me? I've no clue what you're getting at." I replied innocently enough, but I couldn't help the small, mischievous smile tugging at the corner of my lips.

"Really?" The brunette vamp arched an eyebrow at me, sounding less than convinced. "Because his timing was just a little strange. We've been circling each other for months without either of us making a move, yet all of a sudden the day after he meets you, he changes his mind and comes straight at me. That's convenient."

"I simply questioned just how oblivious he could be to what was standing right there in front of him." I smirked as I pulled the driver-side door open and slipped in. "Okay, fine, I might have lightly whacked him over the head with a clue-by-four." I admitted when Heidi shot me a knowing look. "What was I supposed to do, stand there and watch? I may not have known you long, but come on, the way he looked at you when your back was turned? It was painfully obvious there was something there, not to mention just plain painful to see, the way he looked at you when your back was turned. He flipped the sweetheart switch whenever he thought you wouldn't notice and he was too busy trying to pretend like he didn't really care to notice you liked him back. Like trying to bring the matching poles of two magnets together, I tell you."

"We really were, weren't we?" Heidi agreed, a grateful smile playing on her heart-shaped lips. "At any rate, thank you. He's a great guy, even if he was clueless. I think I'll hold on to him for a while."

"Any time." I paused for a second, feeling a certain curiosity bubble to the surface of my mind, brought about by the sudden development of these two's relationship. "Can I ask you a question, though? There's one thing that's bugging me."

"Of course."

"Feel free to answer or not if it's uncomfortable, but... well, there was a lot of talk going on about organised marriages and bloodlines and stuff like that back there..." I began, walking on eggshells. "And now you and Reed are suddenly seeing each other, and it's pretty sudden and all..."

"Yes?" Heidi said, expectation making her drawl the single syllable into a question.

"Well, you're both, hum... at an appropriate age to settle down and start a family." It's hard to tell with vamps because they hardly show signs of age (I know, I'm one to talk with my demon-smooth skin), but Heidi looked a little older than Ivy, and Reed a little older than her. At a glance I'd place her in her early thirties and Reed in his mid ones. "It's just that most vamps I've met had all those expectations of marriage and children pilled on them, but you and Reed just seemed to hit it off without a second thought, like you had absolutely no other obligations. It's making me curious, that's all."

"Hmm, that just means you usually frequent higher vamp circles than mine and Reed's. Only nobles really have anything expected of them, at least where marriage and pumping out little vamp rug rats is concerned. No one cares what we do outside the I.S., as long as we take care of the trash and honour our fealties."

"So your families aren't getting their noses all up in your business? That's nice."

"It is. In a lot of ways, were much freer than living vamps from older or nobler families. Reed isn't even from around here. The I.S. transferred him here from Chicago a few years ago, to lead his own SRU team. He's in touch with his family back home, but they're not super close or anything." Heidi answered, beginning to tell me how Reed managed to score himself such a promotion and shining an admiring, almost adoring light on him though she avoided giving me any crunchy details about her new boy toy, proving how much more reserved she was than him. More than her discretion, however, I was hearing conspicuously little about her, and she seemed a little hesitant to share her own story.

"That's... interesting. Even by my standards." I chuckled after she finished explaining in great detail why Reed's previous captain probably celebrated until sunrise before crying himself to sleep in the morning ever since he left Chicago. Let's just say the tale involved the husband of a high-ranking city official, a sauna, several kilos of pure Brimstone, enough black market weapons to take over a moderately-sized country, not a whole lot of clothing and a professional escort named Antonia who may or may not have been born "Antonio". Un-freaking-believable. "I'm not hearing a lot about you, though."

"There's... really not much to tell, honestly." Heidi answered, chewing her lower lip embarrassedly. "I don't want to bore you, or anything."

"Well, everyone's got a story. I'm curious to know yours. Unless of course you're like the goddess Athena? Born fully grown, decked out in your arms and armour?" I asked, mentally thanking Erica's passion for myths and legends she had shared with me in the three weeks prior to hers and Seth's kidnapping... Okay, so she'd really mostly discussed a few of them with Ceri one evening, while I bitched and grimaced nearby over some nasty herbal infusion the elf was intent on cramming down my throat, supposedly to help my magical abilities recover, but I did pick up a few bits and pieces here and there. Bite me, that sounded smart, and flattering, too. Heidi certainly had that warrior goddess look about her. Stop looking at me like that, the analogy worked...

"N-no. Not exactly." Heidi responded, giving me the exact same look you'd expect. I swear, whenever I say something remotely smart, it's like I've grown a second head; people just give me the funniest stares. I should keep to gesticulating and grunting, because why bother, really... "It's just that..."

"Sorry. I didn't mean to pry." I told her after a few seconds of tense silence; Heidi was clearly torn between disclosure and... was that shame? "You don't have to tell me if it's too uncomfortable."

"It's not. Well, it shouldn't be, anyway. It's been for a while, but I've dealt with it, and it's not like I could change it anyway..." She took a breath and winced, looking a bit embarrassed. "I'm babbling aren't I?"

"Yes, and I must admit coming from you it's one of the stranger sights I've seen today." I joked with an uneasy chuckle, but the woman was a fair badass to be stumbling over her words so. "Really, it's okay." I finally assured her when it became clear she was struggling with the question I'd asked. "That was nosey. Forget I asked."

"No, you... We may not have known each other long, but I do trust you, and you've earned the right to know. It's just... I'm not used to talking about my mother..." She finally began, pushing out each word seemingly going against her every instinct. "You see, my mother... isn't a living vampire." She finally admitted, making it sound like a shameful confession.

"You mean she's... oh." My first thought was that Heidi meant her mom was undead, but that seemed unlikely to account for such discomfort, at least not unless Heidi was somehow responsible. If Ivy was any indication, that burden on her conscience would have made the subject very touchy rather than an issue she could have dealt with. There was another, however, another possibility, especially if she was a vampire 'commoner'. "Your mom was born human, wasn't she? You're first gen." I guessed and, looking at her, knew instantly I got it in one. "How did it happen? Was it planned, or was she...?" I trailed off, refusing to say it out loud.

"No... It wasn't planned, but she wasn't blood raped or anything. At least it didn't start off like that. From what I heard, it was a blood encounter that went too far." Heidi audibly swallowed and looked away from me, a quick glance in the rear view mirror showing me the recollection had made her eyes grow distant. "My mother was one of those humans that took the Turn in stride. When she learned vampires were real back in the seventies, she became a badge-carrying member of every 'Inderlanders are our friends' club she could find. From sixteen to about twenty-one, life was a huge party for her. Alcohol, sex, drugs and vampires were her poisons of choice. It didn't end too well. Vamp bites were her worst addiction, and during a random hook-up with an undead her partner lost control and infected her. The rest is history." She dropped the subject so fast, she was nearly breathless when she grew quiet.

"I'm sorry." I soberly offered her my sympathies for a woman she never knew. That's how vampire living bloodlines are started, always with a pregnant human woman turned into a low-blooded vampire. Unlike its mother the child born from this process is always high-blooded, hence the 'first-generation' appellation applied to it. The strain of the change on the mother's body, coupled with that of giving life to such a powerful creature, however, often meant those babies became orphaned soon after their births, like Heidi had doubtlessly been. "Looking at you, I'm positive she had to be a strong and beautiful woman."

"She... is?" Heidi replied, turning back to look at me with a befuddled expression. "Rachel, my mother is still very much alive."

"Oh? But you said... When you said she 'wasn't', I thought..." I stammered, suddenly lost. If not her orphaning, what was bothering her? Could the simple injustice of Heidi's conception account for her discomfort? "Sorry I jumped to conclusions. The way you mentioned it, I thought she'd passed away." I gently prodded further.

"No, we celebrated her fifty-fifth birthday just last month. She's still around, and still truly alive. She's in perfect health, in fact. Some days I think she'll outlive me." I suppose death was an occupational hazard in her line of work. Hunting rabid weres, black witches and undead who stray from the straight and narrow is not safe by any definition of the word.

"Then... what happened? You know, if it's not too personal, of course. Did she know she was pregnant at the time?" Out of curiosity, I'd researched the effects of vampire bites during a pregnancy after Nathalie threatened Ceri with dire consequences for her unborn daughter should she manage to get her fangs in the elf's throat. Exposure to vampire saliva in the womb makes crack babies look like sunshine and bunnies, let me tell you. If you need to have a poison while having a baby, do them a favour and chain smoke. Don't bare your neck to an undead unless you mean to give birth to a new bloodline. If Heidi's mom had known she was carrying a daughter and let a vamp sink their fangs in her throat, well... let's just say that's not the best way to start their family life.

"No, she didn't." Heidi breathed in deep, and forced a placid look onto her face. "She decided to keep me, obviously. She cleaned up her act after she was turned, and when she learned she was pregnant with me, she stepped it up even further. Went back to school, found work, straightened out, you know? Too bad there were no classes available that taught how to raise a daughter of a different species from yourself, though. She could have used them seeing as she had no clue how to raise a little vampire girl. She'd made a few real honest vamp friends during her partying years who taught her enough to manage, but... let's just say even with a few pointers, it was rough at times. I wasn't an angel. To put it mildly"

"I'm having the hardest time imagining you as a difficult child." I smiled, the image of her as a five-year old girl with long auburn pig-tails, shiny black shoes and a little plaid dress, bullying boys and stealing their toy guns flashing through my mind.

"I didn't want to be, it's just... The instincts of first gen vamps come harder and faster." Heidi explained. "Same goes for their strength and speed. I didn't have anyone to help me out with those urges running through my head or all that power I had at my fingertips. I could vanish right before my mother's eyes at age four, and throw her off hard enough to give her a concussion by the time I turned ten. That's not the kind of power a child should have over her parents."

"I hear you." I nodded and smiled, remembering that time back when I was a kid in that make-a-wish camp for dying children and blasted Trent into a tree with raw ley line power. Humans may think they have it rough at times raising their teenagers, but Inderland parental situations could turn so much more colourful...

"I imagine you would." Heidi smiled, a bit grimly. As a police officer, she'd likely had her share of incidents involving out of control teens. "In my case, it only got really difficult around the time I turned fifteen."

"Around the time your bloodlust hit?" I guessed again, knowing adolescence was generally the time when vampires felt the first stirs of their inner demons... and when undead vamps started taking an interest in their young living kin. Fuck me, I hope she didn't go through the same hell Ivy and Skimmer did...

"It was confusing as hell when it first manifested." Heidi acknowledged, her irises thinning a little making me squirm in my seat. On Ivy, it looked thrilling and more than a little hot, on Erica it looked harmless or heartbreaking, even cute sometimes, but on her... Yeah. "It made me confused as hell in turn when I was a teenager. I liked boys way too much, amongst other, less avowable things. Lucky for me my mother's an ex-junky. She knew what signs to look out for, so she kept me from getting addicted to anything really hard, but there wasn't much she could do about my rampaging dating habits. Let's just say I wasn't home at dawn with any assiduity. I had more pregnancy scares than I care to count before I even turned twenty, and I sent one or two of my boyfriends to the emergency room to get my bites stitched up."

"Damn..." I quietly swore.

"I had these cravings I didn't really understand, and I don't think any guy who approached me really appreciated how dangerous I could be. They were used to vamp girls who play-bit while making out, or just barely began exploring their first shudders of bloodlust. Me? I hit my adult stride barely a week after my lust first hit. Around the time I turned seventeen, I already had trouble going a few days without blood."

"Did you ever... take it too far?" I was a bit reluctant to ask.

"All the time, but not so far anyone died. Frankly it's a miracle my first dead body was found at the end of a smoking gun. I was still one bad, bad girl. It gave me some twisted reputation as a nasty nympho by the time I finished college. Boys were daring each other to come on to me, and I didn't say no often, not when it was clear all they wanted was to get in my pants. A few of them came out of the experience limping. Guess I got the last laugh in the end..."

A buzzing noise interrupted her telling, and Heidi shook herself out of her gloomy thoughts to glance down at her vibrating pant pocket. Fishing out her cell, she checked the text message she had received, a smile blooming on her frowning features the recollection had darkened.

"Good news, I hope?" I asked with friendly irony.

"Hmm, Reed texted me. We're still in radio contact, so he's been hearing my side of the conversation." She lightly tapped her ear, where a very discreet transmitter could be seen just barely protruding out. "He just sent me a list of... expletives he feels are appropriate for my past partners." The vampire chuckled as she kept reading the words on her cell's tiny screen. "Let's just say the nicest ones are... emasculating, to say the least."

"That bad, huh?" I couldn't help but smile at the small display of protectiveness and the pleased look it put on Heidi's face.

"Worse."

"So what changed after college, then?" I nudged her again, curious to know what had moulded a blood-craving teenager into a rigidly focused SIU officer.

"Military service, if you can believe it. I was eighteen, school was going nowhere fast... The army always welcomes vamps with open arms, no pun intended." Heidi answered evasively for the second time tonight, which I took to meaning she had used a military career to get away from some trouble or another. Vampires without connections who step in a mess too deep to dig themselves out of often walk into the first recruiting office they can find, since the military provides them with a refuge even a master vampire will think twice before crossing. With their physical abilities, trained vamps make for great small scale fighting units, and when they come out of their service most of them are too lethal for their old troubles to keep following them. A soldier's one thing, a super-soldier with fangs, more muscle power you'd know what to do with and reflexes that would make a cobra's green with envy is another entirely.

"I had trouble with it at first, but I grew to love the discipline and the focus. I liked having a real goal, and the training was also a real outlet. Maybe it's weird, but it's really cathartic to unload mag after mag from an M4, you know?" I smiled and nodded it wasn't weird; though my experience with actual firearms was limited, I'd had some fun on the shooting range back at the I.S., not to mention my splat-tag parties with Ivy in the church's cemetery. Of course nowadays, I'm not sure it would be thrilling or terrifying to play that again... "Anyway, I made through basic and then Special Forces selection. Saw a little action overseas, mostly in Africa, hunting down black magic harvesters and rogue undead warlords. I came back after my tour and enrolled into the academy. I liked the army, but the I.S. is where I chose to stay. I rode around in a cruiser for a while, but with a military background, it wasn't long before I got invited to try out for SIU selection. I got in on my first try..." Her voice rose in volume a bit and she smirked mischievously, clearly poking at her boyfriend's ego while he couldn't poke back. Reed, as I remembered Heidi had mentioned last week, had to try out several times before he was picked by the SIU leadership, and the barb made me chuckle as well. "... and here I am. That's my story." An impossibly short time later her phone vibrated again.

"'See if I defend your honour again.'" Heidi read (and laughed, beautifully I might add) out loud. "I swear, that man can text faster than a teenage girl. Thumbs like lightning." Another vibration followed that comment, but whatever Reed had replied Heidi didn't relay this time. I could have sworn there was a hint of a blush creeping up on those sculpted alabaster cheeks...

"Can you really do that?" I thought I heard her murmur, and had to resist the urge to cram my fingers in my ears and start singing 'LA-LA-LA-LA-LAAAAAAAAAAAA!'. Aside from making me look like a six-year old, I also happened to be behind the wheel, and none too interested in wrapping my car around a phone pole. Just saying.

"Okay, so maybe you weren't just plopped from the earth ready to kick ass and take names." I cleared my throat and got the conversation back on track, sparing her, and I, some mild embarrassment. "I don't get why you're ashamed of where you come from, though. There a part you left out somewhere? Because maybe it's not an epic tale of rags to riches, but I feel I just heard a pretty impressive success story. You should sell the movie rights. I'd fork over the cash to see it."

"It's not..." My levity on the subject seemed to leave Heidi at a loss for words. "You're aware there's a stigma associated with being first gen, and there's an even deeper one for turned vamps, right?"

"Yup." I said, sparing a thought for my old ghoul boss, and the way Ivy had disdainfully looked down upon him. I liked to think she found him despicable because he was scum rather than because of the blood in his veins, but I didn't kid myself she might have been prejudiced about the rest of his kind too. "So?"

"'So?' So I've had to live with it most of my life, and so did my mother. Isn't it understandable that it's not my favourite subject?"

"I can understand hating the stigma. I can tell you I do too." I conceded to placate her. "I'm thinking of picking of those black pointy hats to go with mine. Maybe get a black cat and a reverse cross tattoo on my forehead to match. I might as well have the appropriate props if everyone's going to believe those bullshit rumours about me." I replied, referring to my own growing reputation as a black witch. "It sucks, but the things I did that got me this bad rep? I wouldn't take them back. If I can say that, I don't get why you have to hate your own situation. You and your mom made it through, despite your Turn-taken rotten start. It's admirable, not shameful. Anyone who'd judge you for that can go screw themselves with a power drill. It's terrible that your mom never had a choice to become a vamp, sure, but something good came out of it, right?"

"I'm not sure I'd put it quite like that..." Heidi said neutrally. "I was still conceived even before the whole vampire deal. I would have been born regardless."

"Details, details. Just trust me, it is. I've seen with my own eyes how most turned vamps turn out. They're all so desperate to please, so worried they won't get to live forever unless they do all the dirty work their masters ask of them. And if they don't do it out of greed, then they'll do it out of fear. Your mom didn't do anything like that, did she now? No, instead she straightened out her life, out of love for a child she didn't plan for, a child she kept even with everything else on her plate. Frankly, it's a proof of love you should be proud of."

Okay, so I had my own similar identity shame problem brought by freak genetics I could do nothing but was still tied up in knot about. Heidi at least wasn't part of the most feared and (rightfully) hated species on this side of reality. Do as I say, not as I do...

... Actually, if you know what's good for you, when I speak just ignore me, plug your ears and pretend I'm not there. Odds are you'll live longer that way.

"I am. Rachel, I love my mom. If you doubt it, then I've given you the wrong idea." Heidi answered more fiercely than she no doubt intended, which only made me smile.

"If that's the case, then this attitude right there," I gestured to her; her shoulders were squared, her back straight, her head high, her lips parted just enough to give a threatening glimpse of her sharp teeth. 'Fierce' was the word that came to mind watching her, "is what you should show the world all the time. No shame to have, no excuses to anyone. Cheers." I mimed tipping my hat to her, at the same time her phone vibrated yet again. Whatever Reed had told her this time made a small, peaceful smile spread Heidi's lightly glossed lips.

"Ivy made a good choice. I'm glad she has someone like you." She declared, not quite out of the blue, the announcement still making me squirm uncomfortably in my seat. There weren't a great many 'choices' Ivy could have done regarding this little witch that would warrant this kind of declaration from a vampire, and the two of us weren't any of them.

"A good choice?" I part asked, part winced, not looking forward to spelling out the exact nuances of mine and Ivy's relationship, especially now that clothes were finally optional in our interactions. Oh boy, here we go again...

"For her life partner. Maybe something more, eventually." ... or maybe we don't? Heidi, in a splendid display of lucidity, apparently didn't assume I was bound to Ivy, unlike most vampires that happened to cross our paths.

"Just so you know, I could kiss you for saying that." I said, almost grinning at the vampire seated next to me. She looked like I threatened her for a second, though, and shook her head like it was a terrible idea, which was a little weird until I reminded myself she worked for my more territorial than ever girlfriend. "Not literally." I reassured her with a little chortle of laughter. "Most everyone I meet assumes I'm already bound to Ivy right off the bat, just because I can stand close to her without looking like I'm about to crap my pants. Frankly, it's annoying as hell. It's nice to meet someone with a little faith in me."

"I can't say I blame them. You do act a certain way when she's around that reminds me of the better scions I've seen. It's pretty clear you're not if you take a closer look though... no offence, I just mean by that you don't have that... glow consuming undead blood gives." She quickly added, as if she feared I would take umbrage that she remarked I clearly wasn't Ivy's walking-talking blood bank.

"None taken. I'm not sure what you mean, though." I said quizzically. "Not about the blood, I've seen what it does, but the other thing."

"The way you act when she's around? You're at ease around Ivy, without looking like her paid escort. You carry yourself like you know how to handle her, and it's rare for a non-vamp to know one well enough for that."

"Yeah, I think I learned how to do that. Eventually, after a dozen or so close calls and making every single little mistake and no-no in the book." I chuckled. "Don't paint me as a saint just yet. It was more a matter of self-preservation, trust me. Ivy came uncomfortably close to bleeding me dry against the nearest wall more than once before we got to where we are now. I had to learn what buttons not to push in order to stay alive." Although nowadays, I could probably use that knowledge for wholly different purposes... I spared the single wicked thought, remembering how fun it could be to break all the rules at the right time with a vamp.

"No, it's more than that. I'm not talking about her instincts, plenty of non-vamps learn just enough to pick up lovers for blood trysts and survive them. Not much to admire there. It can get disgusting and exploitive actually." She grimaced. "I'm talking about Ivy as a woman. The way you look at her like you care about her decency. The two of you look like a real couple. You push her to be better, for her own sake. You make her better somehow. It's hard to explain, to tell you the truth, but it's unmistakably there."

"Heidi, she's my girlfriend." I squirmed a bit uncomfortably under her admiring gaze. "She's my girl. Of course I want her to be the best she can be. Why wouldn't I?"

"I know, I just... wanted to say I promise I'll stick with Ivy as long you do. No matter how bad it gets, I've got both your backs."

"I'll wait for a while before backstabbing her, then." I obviously joked, to hide the uneasiness I felt at the vamp's unvoiced request to support her mistress through thick and thin. I was with Ivy for Ivy, not for the sake vamp politics. My policy regarding those was to play ostrich as much as possible unless they became a direct threat to me or someone I loved, in which case the stakes (or the broken chair legs, or the white picket fence, or whatever sharp, pointy object was readily available) came out and I went postal on whatever pair of fangs was in the vicinity.

Heidi didn't look amused so much as chagrined by the jibe, but we reached the Tamwood-Randall estate just in time to save me from having to pledge myself to Ivy and her entire camarilla to the ends of time to appease my new vamp friend. I babbled some nonsense about my luck my little convertible didn't take up much space in the crowded street filled with much nicer (and larger) cars, feeling crummy that I'd obviously disappointed the hopes Heidi had placed in me, but what the hell was I supposed to say? I didn't want Ivy's, Heidi's, Reed's, or any other vamp's dreams to hinge on me. That responsibility was not a burden I wanted to bear, or even felt capable of bearing. Knowing what she desired was peace and security for all living vampires was (barely) enough for me to accept the necessity of what Ivy had to do. This part was just a necessary evil, a transition period I couldn't wait to put behind us for good. As far as I was personally concerned I just wanted my girl to finish what she started so we could figure out how the rest of our time together would play out and get back to a semblance of normalcy.

Did it make it easier to see Heidi's face shut down as she exited my car, slipping on a guarded and professional mien I wasn't sure was appropriate for the no doubt very mild threat I was under in this place? How about 'no'?

I shut my door with a sigh and took in the sight of the estate where my lover had spent her younger years. I'd only been to Ivy's family home once before, during a crisis a year and some change ago (big surprise considering I'd been going from crisis to crisis at the time). Ivy had come here to ask her father's help in keeping Piscary out of her head, and I'd ended up meeting him, Erica and Skimmer in one fell swoop. Other than the season swap the place hadn't changed at all. It was a big mansion several times larger than the house I grew up in, neighboured with others like it a ludicrous distance away. The grounds out back were larger than a city block, and only one glance at the front yard would suffice to know Ivy's family was loaded to the heavens and beyond. It was pretty as a button, sure, but like the first time I got a sense of sterility, of soullessness from the place. Perhaps because it was a young undead's dwelling, or perhaps because Ivy had so many unpleasant memories tied to it, but I'd sympathetically associated it with an emotional limbo of sorts. One glance at Erica was enough to guess this place in all likelihood wasn't as bad as I made it out to be, but I couldn't help the feeling that I was stepping into Ivy's purgatory.

Would that make the church her heaven and Piscary's her hell? I thought idly with a hint of sorrowful longing for her. It hadn't been that long since she'd left, and I was still a bit mad at her for that scene she and her mom made, but I already missed Ivy. Ah, hell, what are you gonna do? Maybe I can call her later, ask if she wants me to sleep over at her place. Ought to make her happy, calm her down. With a small miracle, maybe it'll even be enough to get her off my case the next time I need dressing advice...

Erica and her parents had beaten Heidi and me to the family home by a few seconds, and they had just begun piling out by the time I locked my car down. Reed headed straight for us after a few words with Mr Randall I didn't get and one last hug to Erica, his eyes slightly worriedly lingering on his girlfriend. His shiny dress shoes were completely silent even though the driveway was made out of tiny white pebbles that crunched under my heels, no matter how lightly I tried to step, a sign he was slipping into his vampire nature, likely out of worry for the woman he cared about. The two exchanged a few words as they met, Reed embracing his smaller friend much more tamely than he had back in the graveyard, her head tucking comfortably beneath his chin despite her height. If possible I felt even worse for being unable to provide them with the guarantee for their future they so desperately needed. I'd just have to hope Ivy could pull through despite the setback she suffered, for all our sakes. I was getting sick of walking the warpath these past few years, and I wasn't looking forward to involving myself in this struggle in the foreseeable future.

"What was that about?" Erica asked as she caught back up to me. The young vamp looked marginally better now that the ceremony was over, which at least made me feel a bit better. She wasn't sparkling with laughter and joie de vivre like she had been when I first met her, and all the tears she'd shed had left their mark on her face, but the exorcising power of a good screaming match and crying session, coupled with the closure of laying her boyfriend to rest, had managed to loosen up the smothering grip of her grief on her heart. The weight crushing her shoulders had subsided somewhat, and she walked upright despite obvious fatigue. I had a feeling her species' nocturnal affinities were the only thing helping her stay on her feet, and once the sun came up, she'd sleep like a rock until it went down again. Good for her. She deserved it after a night like this.

"What was what about?" I parroted back at her.

"Reed's been pounding on his phone half the way here, snickering and giggling and stuff, but as soon as we got here he got all sad and serious, like someone bit his kitty. What's up with him?"

I don't know about any cat, but I sure bit his girlfriend. I thought, all but able to taste the bitterness of Heidi's dashed hopes coating the back of my throat. "Ah, nothing you need to worry about, hon." I assured her, trying not to let my discomfort show. "Heidi and I just talked for a bit, and I stirred up some memories that are still a little tender." That was at least true. It wasn't the reason why Heidi, and Reed by extension, looked so discomfited, but it was true. "You're looking a little better. I'm glad." I changed the subject, bringing the topic that in my opinion mattered the most for the moment back into the spotlight. "How are you?"

"I don't know. 'Better' sounds awfully callous. Lighter, I guess. Relieved. A little numb on the side." She answered wanly, before adding even more quietly, "A little guilty I don't feel I could crawl into the ground and lie beside him anymore."

"Hey, don't say that." I gently chastised her. "Making them happy is a huge part of loving someone, isn't it? So you know wherever he is, Seth doesn't want to hear such nonsense from you. It's a good thing you can begin to let go, if just a little."

"I guess... You and V were right, at least." She admitted in a shamed murmur, leaning against me so I could put my arm around her shoulders. "I'm glad it's behind me now, as horrible as it makes me feel."

"Baby steps, Hon. Baby steps." I answered with a sad smile and a kiss to her temple that filled my nose with the scent of shampoo and incense of her long soft hair. "You make your mom sweat for being such a jerk yet?" I looped our arms together and asked with conspiratorial quietness, my young friend relaxing further the more contact I offered her.

"Pff." Erica huffed. "I think she's doing fine beating herself up on her own. She hasn't said a word and she barely moved a muscle the whole way back here. You ever seen an undead vamp lost in thought? Looks like a very life-like statue."

"I'll just bet." I said, silently wondering if her undead mom's remorse was felt over the pain she'd put her daughter through or the lost chance to bring the Tamwood name back from the brink of oblivion. That she might actually be reconsidering her present course of action now that the toll it took on her family had been shoved in Mrs Tamwood's face seemed farfetched, but I'd been surprised by undead vamps lately. Maybe Nathalie's blood wasn't the sole reason Ivy could be credited for her enduring decency, and the older undead would show she was capable of doing the right thing as her daughter had. God, what I wouldn't give for that to be true.

We strolled leisurely to the mansion's front door, taking the time to enjoy the clear and unseasonably dry night air on our way to an entry hall that was as grandiose as it was sterile. Varnished woods that should have given a lively or homely feel to the place echoed my footsteps alone as I shed Ivy's long duster and stored it into a placard near the mansion's foyer. Erica relaxed a fraction now that she was back in safe, familiar settings, and I followed her as she led me to the kitchen, getting a feeling of déjà-vu when she offered me, just as her sister had a year prior, something to drink. Even if I'd seen it before and wasn't strictly surprised, it didn't help the kitchen of the Tamwood-Randall family mansion was a virtual twin to the one I fell in love with back at the church; in fact, it made for a pretty unsettling combination that left me a little dumbstruck as I walked in. Same island counter, same two stoves, same industrial-sized refrigerator... Only the table was truly different, the one in the church being an ancient, massive construct of solid wood, while the one in here had a more modern design and a much lighter look.

"I mix a mean bloody Caesar, you know. No stupid human hang-ups to watch out for, so we might as well break out the good stuff." My young friend said, oblivious to my little personal episode of 'The Twilight Zone', sticking her head into a huge chromed refrigerator. She came out with a bottle of vodka and one of hot sauce in one hand, a container of tomato and clam cocktail in the other. Turn it, you just could find that stuff. It was rare, pretty freaking expensive and my mouth watered just at the sight of it. "There's plenty of wine to choose from in the cellar downstairs, too. Or we could raid the liquor cabinet, if you feel like something with a little bit more kick."

"Huh, no, no thanks." Hearing her expectant silence, I shook off the uncanny feeling and stopped my examination of the alternate reality kitchen so I could answer her. "I'll take you up on that bloody Caesar, though." I asked her, then reminded myself where I was, in whose company I would spend the evening, and changed my mind. "On second thought, if you could make that a virgin, it'd be great. Vodka's not the best idea right now."

"Oh? You're not a teetotaller, are you?" Erica teased as she poured a generous measure of clear vodka into one of two glasses she produced from one of the cupboards. "Don't tell me you can't hold your drink. Your badassery's going to take a hit otherwise."

"Not in a house that's going to be shock full of vamp pheromones soon, I don't." I explained, turning my head to the hallway from which we could hear both guests conversing in a nearby room, and new arrivals being greeted in. "I'm not worried anyone will make a pass at these," I fingered the demon scars hidden beneath my skin through the scarf I hadn't discarded, "but if I start drinking now, I can guarantee I'll be so sugared I'll roll under the table before dinner is even served." I did, however, want to sample that clam cocktail, though. Turn take humanity and its damn terror of tomatoes. You'd think they still rolled out T4 Angels every other week they were so scared...

"Huh. I hadn't thought of that. It's... pretty smart, actually." Erica froze, like she couldn't believe I'd had that much foresight.

"Try not to look quite so shocked and awed..." I crossed my arms and grumpily muttered, giving the young vampire a bemused look that made her chuckle wonderfully and smile sheepishly at me under her long polished obsidian bangs. I don't need to tell you the sight of her blew what little offence I'd taken away like a dust mote in a hurricane.

"Sorry." To my profound joy, the beautiful smile stayed plastered to her face as she expertly rimmed a second glass in coarse salt and mixed me my drink before appropriating the first as her own. Only once she leaned against the counter to enjoy it after handing me mine, when I raised my glass in a toast to tomorrow, to a future she had to remember was still there, did it falter, replaced by a look of mixed sadness, flickering resolve and tentative hope. "To tomorrow." She barely murmured before raising her glass to her lips, and...

"I hope for your sake there's been a misunderstanding with your glasses, young lady." Mr Randall rumbled as he walked in through the hidden door in the kitchen that led to his wife's lair, taking in the scene with naked disapproval in his eyes. Instantly, Erica jumped upright, miraculously without spilling the richly red drink she'd been about to gulp down, and for the first time in over a week looked like the red-handed seventeen year-old she was. "Are you feeling well? Is your nose clogged up, honey? I think you mistook Rachel's drink for yours, but clearly, you should have smelled the rather generous amount of vodka in it..." Mr Randall said, irony tinting his tone of voice while he pressed the back of one hand to his daughter's forehead.

"Da-ad... Come on, I'll be legal like, next week. What's the harm in one drink?" Erica twitched away and complained, though I couldn't help but notice she put her glass down with a little too much haste not to be feeling guilty about the, why yes, rather generous, amount of vodka she'd poured herself.

"You'll be eighteen in a little over a month," Mr Randall corrected her unyieldingly, unfazed by the doe eyes his youngest made at him, "at which point you'll be free to consume as much alcohol as your little heart desires. Until then, however, you will give Rachel her drink and take yours, and head upstairs for a shot of decongestant. Unless you mean to tell me you weren't just being a good hostess and this wasn't an honest mistake? Because I seem to recall a chat or two we've had on the subject of drinking before you come of age, and what would happen if you didn't stop doing it."

"Alright, alright, I get it..." Erica dejectedly grumbled and stormed out vampire quick, leaving her father, I, and her untouched glass behind in a puff of angry incense.

"And go see your grandfather once your nose is cleared." Mr Randall called out after her, before turning his attention to her abandoned drink, and to me. "Too hard?" He asked me as he picked the glass up, appropriating it for himself.

"I don't drink in the company of this many vampires. It's just not a good idea. No offence. If you meant with Erica?" I shrugged and tasted my own drink, its hot, spicy flavours exploding wonderfully in my mouth. "Your house, your rules. It's not my place to say."

"I'm not sure if I want to throttle whoever taught her to mix this, or shake his hand." Mr Randall said, finishing his own taste with a satisfied little click of tongue. "Although I suspect it was either Kisten or Piscary." He left the statement hanging there. No need to mention neither man was, if indeed guilty, in any position to get a stern talking-to from Erica's dad.

"Yeah, I know." I said neutrally, pushing my hip off the counter. I wasn't quite comfortable in the older man's presence, and was about to walk out aimlessly, possibly hoping to stumble upon Erica in whose company I'd at least force my in-laws into a semblance of civility, when he stopped me.

"Rachel, wait." Mr Randall told me.