Slightly Intoxicated Rant

[saulittlesister]

It bothers me a lot that I am so often not seen for my value. I'm seen and judged upon my fat gut, or my double chin, or my lack of athletic ability (which is more of a judgment than a fact). Most people never see the deep, loving heart. They see a fat face or a hypersensitive, high maintenance girl instead of a serious, sensitive, passionate woman

Comments

[spomatic]

I know it's been hard, but maybe what i really want to say will help. I'm a blunt person, so just know if something i say sounds hurtful or makes you angry i probably didn't intend it that way. When it comes to relationships and friendships, guys become (even more) unorganized. We spend time with friends during "relationship time" and sometimes blow of friends for relationship time. I, myself, tend to be so picky that when a relationship finally happens, i invest tons of time in that relationship. All my SAU friends from freshman and sophomore year know that i didn't spend much time with them. I was always with my girlfriend. Friends are always gonna get blown off, sometimes even when its not "either, or." Especially with friends of the opposite sex. It may even be subconscious. I'm not trying to defend Michael, i just want to help you come to a place of realization that these things are expected, and you shouldn't take it so hard on yourself. It sucks, i know, but work on getting stronger in this area. Stop the pain, in each moment, before it starts.

I don't know if this helps, but after a while in college, i started praying for the ability to JUST be friends with very attractive girls. I was tired of meeting someone great and then losing everything because relationship issues got in the way. I asked God to help me in this area, and to actually send an attractive girl to help me learn just to be friends and to never let it cross over into the gray area of relationships. Practice just being a reliable, trustworthy friend, even to guys you are attracted to.

The last thing, and most difficult to accept, is that you tend to do what all of us do, but you usually do it before most of us. And that is to invest tons of your time into a friendship hoping to turn relationship. I've seen it with several guys from SAU and also with Michael. With all the time invested in those interests, your friendships start to suffer a little. We all need lifelong friends, and i want you to have them. The next time you start to invest hope for a relationship, remember to take it slow and don't let the time you spend with friends change until you are in a committed, healthy relationship. Then its natural for friend time to diminish, of course.

And don't be afraid to stay in touch with the godly friends you've met over the years. Remember to keep in touch and show interest that you still care about what happens to them. If they were ever good friends at all, they will return the same care. Take care of yourself Mystee, and be cautious about falling into deep pits. Sometimes it is a matter of being strong, but it doesn't happen over night. We all hurt sometimes, and God breaks us into something He can use, but stop the unnecessary hurt before it starts, know what i mean?

Shalom, friend.

~Jacob

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[saulittlesister]

I think you misunderstood my post. I have no problem being just friends with a guy. In fact I was saying that I need more than a boyfriend (eventually husband). I am more than ok with never dating Michael or Rob or whoever, but I still crave consistancy and dependability, and I feel like I am denied that at least in part because I am not as visually captivating as others.

I love deeply and passionatly with no expectation of dating - the person I have loved the deepest since moving out here is Tyler - he is 17 and therefore not even on my datable radar. This isn't about rushing into relationships - it's about being rejected in friendships.

That being said - I appreciate your willingness to read and comment. That alone helps. :)

Re: ?

[spomatic]

Hm, i think most of what i said is relevant and useful, but my examples were my own and may not have been the best to support what i was trying to get across.

You said "i love deeply and passionately with no expectation of dating." That raises a red flag. Its easy to miscommunicate our intentions. There is Christ's calling to love our neighbor, but if you can easily defend how your deep and passionate love for these guy friends is different from how it would be in a relationship, i won't argue against it. However, time invested and certain signals can be understood as intention for more. Being aware of this and avoiding mixed signals and attachment to guy friends is going to help prevent being rejected in a friendship. I feel its all connected, sorry if i don't explain it well. Perhaps defining what actions will constitute friendship or relationship, or in a gray area of both, it would help you to grow and me to understand, heh.

At any rate, i want to see you well and i hate to see you hurting. And you are welcome. Stay in touch friend.

Re: ?

[saulittlesister]

I've always been closer to guys than girls. I've always had to deal with issues of one-way attraction becasue of that. The guys in my life right now, know where I stand becasue I am blunt about it. This really isn't my issue at all. That was my issue in college, but I am long over it. My issue right now is a constant feeling of rejection and a desire for more reliable friendships becasue I am realizing that I need more than just one person to love me.