Already Gone

[saulittlesister]

I have no love anymore. Nothing is beautiful or good. There is only hate and hurt and fear. I am not known or seen or heard. Only one person ever really knew me, but he doesn't care to anymore. I no longer have a purpose. He said he couldn't be my reason to live. Well he was whether he liked it or not. And now he's gone. And everything else just

Comments

[spomatic]

Wow. Mystee i've seen you have ups and down but i've never been able to tell "how" high or low they were. This entry scares me. I don't know what to say except i remember you as a kind of care-free spirit seeking truth. You picked a great LJ user name because my memories of you is quite like that of family, regardless of how much time we spent together.

You're a smart girl and God-fearing, and i believe you will find the balance of being headstrong vs heartbroken. Don't give up on Jesus. He doesn't rescue us because we are worthy, and it doesn't matter how far we've strayed or how often we neglect Him. He rescues us because that is His nature. He is able and willing.

You helped mediate me through a rough time in my life (the "whole" situation was the roughest thing i had gone through). Your help and my appreciation for you never would've happened if we hadn't believed in Jesus and decide to learn more about Him at SAU. All that to say, there is purpose. I really do care, and every Christian in the world forms the community that we can draw support from, and it's hard for me to hear you say that you relied so much on one person. Just as that day when you felt lonely and asked God to help comfort you then saw a spider (of all things, lol) and felt comforted...so will it be with a community of believers. With that mindset, tomorrow is exciting! Who knows what sorts of things will turn your mourning into dancing!

Don't give up. You are prayed for.
~Jacob

[saulittlesister]

I read this right after you posted it and mostly just tried not to get pissed. (Christians tend to just upset me more when they try to comfort me.) But now that I'm a little more clear-headed, I reread it and realized how beautiful it is. Thank you, Jacob. I especially liked the line about finding a balance between being head-strong and heart-broken. That's me in a nut-shell.

And by the way, thaat wasn't just any spider. That was Boing the amazing circus spider. He did back-flips. He was totally sent from God just to make me laugh that day. People don't have the ability to make me laugh when I'm crying. Not one. So God had to send a spider. I had almost forgotten about him. Thanks, Jacob.