Life and Love
I'm not sure I've felt this satisfied and fulfilled in years.
It occured to me today that this is the time of year that I usually feel the worst - and the low that I just came out of is the time of year that I usually feel the best. Graduating college really threw off the cycle of depression that I have been in since I was seven. Turns out, it was about school afterall.
My new counselor Shaina is great. She's the one who pointed out that I need a solid-foundation and an ever changing surface. This explaines my simultanious need for and dread of change. I need an unchanging homebase to return to, but I also need to leave it and have adventures every now and then. My solid foundation, my home base, has almost always been school. Now it is my job at Applebees. I would live there if they would let me. I'm working non-stop this coming week and I couldn't be happier.
I don't really understand what it is, but when I am with my co-workers (in or out of work) I am at peace. Yeah a few of the girls are really obnoxious and get under my skin, but that is a small price to pay for what I recieve from the rest of them. I wish I knew what it was about SAU or Michael or my coworkers that makes them home to me. I wish I knew why the community house I live in, though welcoming and safe, is not that same sanctuary.
I adore my coworkers, and bug them constantly trying to get more face-time with them. But recently, I have begun to ache for them - for their hearts and souls. I really love these people. I am comfortable with being 100% non-judgmental and just getting to know people for who they are, but now it's reached the point where I want more than just friendship - I want deep, life-changing relationships. I want to see them fall in love with God and be moved by his grace for them. I don't care if they come to church or change any of their behaviors, but I want to see love change their lives forever. The problem is that I don't know how to get there from here. Maybe I just need to be bold and just spill my heart, God's heart, for them; or maybe that would push them away. I don't know, but I know I can't take much more aching for them and not really doing anything. This is a bitersweet love - a love that demands action. It feels like God's love. Pray for them.
It occured to me today that this is the time of year that I usually feel the worst - and the low that I just came out of is the time of year that I usually feel the best. Graduating college really threw off the cycle of depression that I have been in since I was seven. Turns out, it was about school afterall.
My new counselor Shaina is great. She's the one who pointed out that I need a solid-foundation and an ever changing surface. This explaines my simultanious need for and dread of change. I need an unchanging homebase to return to, but I also need to leave it and have adventures every now and then. My solid foundation, my home base, has almost always been school. Now it is my job at Applebees. I would live there if they would let me. I'm working non-stop this coming week and I couldn't be happier.
I don't really understand what it is, but when I am with my co-workers (in or out of work) I am at peace. Yeah a few of the girls are really obnoxious and get under my skin, but that is a small price to pay for what I recieve from the rest of them. I wish I knew what it was about SAU or Michael or my coworkers that makes them home to me. I wish I knew why the community house I live in, though welcoming and safe, is not that same sanctuary.
I adore my coworkers, and bug them constantly trying to get more face-time with them. But recently, I have begun to ache for them - for their hearts and souls. I really love these people. I am comfortable with being 100% non-judgmental and just getting to know people for who they are, but now it's reached the point where I want more than just friendship - I want deep, life-changing relationships. I want to see them fall in love with God and be moved by his grace for them. I don't care if they come to church or change any of their behaviors, but I want to see love change their lives forever. The problem is that I don't know how to get there from here. Maybe I just need to be bold and just spill my heart, God's heart, for them; or maybe that would push them away. I don't know, but I know I can't take much more aching for them and not really doing anything. This is a bitersweet love - a love that demands action. It feels like God's love. Pray for them.