Flame On
It's hard to tell these days if the marketing team at Burger King is either brilliant, or has completely lost their minds. Example number one, in a possibly ongoing series:
Flame body spray. According to the official website, "The WHOPPER® sandwich is America's Favorite burger. FLAME® by BK® captures the essence of that love and gives it to you. Behold the scent of seduction, with a hint of flame-broiled meat."
...
"In further news, police today discovered the body of Jason Strothman, a 28-year-old man who lived alone in his Phoenix apartment. The body was found badly disfigured, authorities say. It was found after several neighbors reported a strange smell emanating from the apartment.
'We'd been smelling something like meat, or burgers, for several days,' Luis Sanchez, one of his neighbors, told our reporters. 'We weren't sure what it was, but we thought maybe something was wrong, that he had left something cooking and was hurt or something, so we called 911.'
That's when police found the body, which appeared to have bite marks and large pieces of flesh missing. There were several cats, apparently owned my Strothman, hovering around the body. Initial reports seem to indicate that Strothman was actually attacked by the cats. Police found a half-empty bottle of the new 'Flame' body spray that is being marketed by Burger King sitting on Strothman's nightstand.
'Yeah, Jason was hoping that maybe this new cologne stuff would attract some chicks,' said Mark Engleburg, a friend of Strothman's who identified himself as one of Strothman's World of Warcraft guild members. 'Mostly fat chicks, of course, but at this point Jason was just hoping to take it where he could get it.'
A full autopsy is expected to be completed by the end of the week, but for now, police are ruling out any foul play. As for the cats, while they acted aggressively towards police officers who attempted to remove the body, they were deemed docile after being removed from the scene and are expected to be put up for adoption.
I'm Jen Burgess, and that's tonight's news."