Oh, hello, Internet.
I had forgotten you were here! I'm just kidding, don't get that look on your face. I guess I just wasn't sure what I wanted to say to you. I'm still not, but I'm supposed to be writing (I made a deal, the details of which I cannot reveal to you for legal purposes), and some weirdos I talk to made me think, sure, I'll give it a go.
So at like 9:30 last night I am hanging out doing all the important things I do at 9:30 on a Sunday (hangover) and all the sudden I hear some indecipherable yelling outside, and then a woman starts screaming. Not like, omg My Chemical Romance just took the stage screaming, or maybe god I fucking hate you why didn't I listen to my parents and finish college and not move across the country to live with you I fucking hate you screaming, but more like, I just saw a dude get his arm ripped off by a zombie screaming.
So I, being the curious hamster that I am, go to the window to look. The boy is like, "Are you crazy, get away from there, you don't want them to see you." Because apparently we live in a Mafia-infested apartment complex and obviously what is happening down there is some sort of hit gone wrong, or maybe my downstairs neighbors owe money to Vinny the Chin or something. You don't fuck with Vinny the Chin.
So of course as soon as I back away he looks, because apparently he is invisible. The woman is still screaming and there are various sounds of discontent continuing. The boy informs me that there are some people standing around the dumpster right across the driveway from our apartment, and there are some people rummaging around inside the dumpster.
Well, it is pretty obvious what is going on here.
Somebody put a baby in the dumpster!
We called the police non-emergency line, because I guess a baby in a dumpster is not a big emergency, or else it was not a baby in a dumpster but some guys rummaging around for cans at 9:30 at night and...the woman really hates recycling? I have no idea. Regardless, the woman on the phone seemed pretty uninterested about it all, and I don't think the cops ever showed up. Eventually the wailing and gnashing of teeth subsided. I guess they found the baby. Or got bored. Who knows? All I know is that I don't want to take the trash out today. That dumpster smells bad enough without a dead baby in it.
And really, could you be a little more considerate and not chuck your baby into the dumpster at 9:30 on a Sunday night? Some of us have to work in the morning.
So at like 9:30 last night I am hanging out doing all the important things I do at 9:30 on a Sunday (hangover) and all the sudden I hear some indecipherable yelling outside, and then a woman starts screaming. Not like, omg My Chemical Romance just took the stage screaming, or maybe god I fucking hate you why didn't I listen to my parents and finish college and not move across the country to live with you I fucking hate you screaming, but more like, I just saw a dude get his arm ripped off by a zombie screaming.
So I, being the curious hamster that I am, go to the window to look. The boy is like, "Are you crazy, get away from there, you don't want them to see you." Because apparently we live in a Mafia-infested apartment complex and obviously what is happening down there is some sort of hit gone wrong, or maybe my downstairs neighbors owe money to Vinny the Chin or something. You don't fuck with Vinny the Chin.
So of course as soon as I back away he looks, because apparently he is invisible. The woman is still screaming and there are various sounds of discontent continuing. The boy informs me that there are some people standing around the dumpster right across the driveway from our apartment, and there are some people rummaging around inside the dumpster.
Well, it is pretty obvious what is going on here.
Somebody put a baby in the dumpster!
We called the police non-emergency line, because I guess a baby in a dumpster is not a big emergency, or else it was not a baby in a dumpster but some guys rummaging around for cans at 9:30 at night and...the woman really hates recycling? I have no idea. Regardless, the woman on the phone seemed pretty uninterested about it all, and I don't think the cops ever showed up. Eventually the wailing and gnashing of teeth subsided. I guess they found the baby. Or got bored. Who knows? All I know is that I don't want to take the trash out today. That dumpster smells bad enough without a dead baby in it.
And really, could you be a little more considerate and not chuck your baby into the dumpster at 9:30 on a Sunday night? Some of us have to work in the morning.