and ive seen better days...
joan of arc is over, it was truely amazing... pics will be updated soon... everyone who saw it (and the whole cast) cried like small children... comepletely understandable.
im sick, the whole cast is sick... and for those of u who have no faith in me (a-hem)... no, i did NOT make out with anyone at the cast party... just hugs, and being with around everyone for weeks at a time... i wouldnt do that to jared... duh...
well... i think my subject of this entry explains it all... im sick, thats what started off my crummy day... and i dont want to update this trying to find sympathy.. but i just need to let it out... who knows.. venting does help sometimes... ok... so i found out today that my grandma is going on new medication for her cancer.. my mom told me to keep her in my prayers... hm... prayers.. just thinking about it depresses me... i have felt so spiritially distant lately.. maybe bc i need to go back to young life, i dont know what it is... i just dont feel a connection and the thought of praying almost scares me.. i dont know why.. i dont like the feeling tho.. i need something to rely on, i need summer back.. rockbridge was amazing and i felt completely comfortable there. everyone was so open about their feelings and doubts of god... and i felt more in tune with my "religious" side when i was there... sigh.... enough about that, i would just confuse myself and make it worse if i continued.
... adding to that... my dad was diagnosed with diabetes today... i saw what it did to my great aunt just last october.. our family would visit her whenever we would get the chance to go to PA. we watched her go through awful stages until she finally passed.. it was horribly depressing for me.. i cant stand to watch someone go through their final stages in life... and it never really affected me until my great uncle died when i was really young... i still remember it cleary bc i truely believe i lost faith that day, and i have yet to gain it all back... i remember thinking, "where is god? why would he do this?" it was the first death that i remember but it had the most impact on me bc 1- i didnt really understand, and 2- its taken me until this past year to handle even being at a funeral.... my grandma used to take me to funerals of her friends when i was very young... i remember having to cover my ears bc it was so frightening to me. i dont know.. its easier for me now.. just takes me a while to recover... my dad isnt that bad... type 2.. he doesnt need insulin.. just diet and exercise.. what hurts is that he has never been good at watching what he eats and hes so busy with work.. i hope he finds time to exercise... i hope he takes care of himself... i need him
i think i will feel better and more positive about things when i get good sleep, so im going to bed now.. goodnight
im sick, the whole cast is sick... and for those of u who have no faith in me (a-hem)... no, i did NOT make out with anyone at the cast party... just hugs, and being with around everyone for weeks at a time... i wouldnt do that to jared... duh...
well... i think my subject of this entry explains it all... im sick, thats what started off my crummy day... and i dont want to update this trying to find sympathy.. but i just need to let it out... who knows.. venting does help sometimes... ok... so i found out today that my grandma is going on new medication for her cancer.. my mom told me to keep her in my prayers... hm... prayers.. just thinking about it depresses me... i have felt so spiritially distant lately.. maybe bc i need to go back to young life, i dont know what it is... i just dont feel a connection and the thought of praying almost scares me.. i dont know why.. i dont like the feeling tho.. i need something to rely on, i need summer back.. rockbridge was amazing and i felt completely comfortable there. everyone was so open about their feelings and doubts of god... and i felt more in tune with my "religious" side when i was there... sigh.... enough about that, i would just confuse myself and make it worse if i continued.
... adding to that... my dad was diagnosed with diabetes today... i saw what it did to my great aunt just last october.. our family would visit her whenever we would get the chance to go to PA. we watched her go through awful stages until she finally passed.. it was horribly depressing for me.. i cant stand to watch someone go through their final stages in life... and it never really affected me until my great uncle died when i was really young... i still remember it cleary bc i truely believe i lost faith that day, and i have yet to gain it all back... i remember thinking, "where is god? why would he do this?" it was the first death that i remember but it had the most impact on me bc 1- i didnt really understand, and 2- its taken me until this past year to handle even being at a funeral.... my grandma used to take me to funerals of her friends when i was very young... i remember having to cover my ears bc it was so frightening to me. i dont know.. its easier for me now.. just takes me a while to recover... my dad isnt that bad... type 2.. he doesnt need insulin.. just diet and exercise.. what hurts is that he has never been good at watching what he eats and hes so busy with work.. i hope he finds time to exercise... i hope he takes care of himself... i need him
i think i will feel better and more positive about things when i get good sleep, so im going to bed now.. goodnight