Discussion that enlightend me about several things
Don't read this if you tend to get upset at me when i point out harsh truths
ME: I don't understand someone who wants you to call and wants to be with you, but when you do, tells you that she didn’t get the message, for one reason or another. So you leave multiple messages all over the place; thinking one of these has to get through, it is all a matter of probability. Then all of a sudden something totally flips, and instead of just saying something to you, they go into this whole I am not going to see you, not telling you why I am not seeing you, and if you worry why and keep trying to get a hold of me you must then be stalking
ME: Can you explained this?
Jill : yes
ME: Please by all means do!
Jill : she wants drama and you're willing to give it to her
Jill : she wants you to want her.
ME: Wow, you know I think that is the shortest to the point and most logical answer I ever heard it explains so much.
Jill : which is (unfortunately) entirely different than wanting YOU. she wants to be wanted. my guess is there is insecurity and immaturity involved
Jill : yet, you're totally willing to put up with it. what does that say about what you want?
ME: it says that I am the type of person who ties to make everyone happy even at the expense of my own.
ME: and thus I let myself get involved with the worst of people
ME: to fill my need to try and fix things
Jill : I doubt it's that you let yourself. my guess is you seek them out
ME: I don't know that I actively seek them, I will admit to after having found them to talking an active roll in the pursuit
Jill : when was the last time you dated a secure girl without major problems that you weren't 'saving' from something?
ME: define dated...
Jill : whatever you want. you tell me
ME: well I have been on a date with secure people maybe 3 times in the past year, serious relationships, it has been well not counting Mary years apron years
ME: I guess it goes back to the point of secure people I make friends because there worth having around for a while, where as I try to fix what ever ails the person I am dating
Jill : is that the way you want it to be?
ME: not really
Jill : well why is it the way it is? what's your attraction to the problems? or what's your non-attraction to the secure people?
ME: I guess it goes to insecurities about me. I mean a dancer who can't walk some days... Who survives paycheck to paycheck, with nominal good looks, and eccentric personality. I look at what I have to offer. I think the main attraction is I feel secure in who I am on a whole... I feel good being me. and so if I am the rock to insecure person then I provide something to the relationship
ME: so in short, I feel secure in me but not what I have to offer to the world
ME: hence if I can not contribute than what good am I
Jill : I once had a guy I had a crush on come up to me (drunk) in a bar. out of the blue, he says, 'I could never ask you out. I’d love to. but you're so happy by yourself, you would never need me.'
Jill : I think that's sad
ME: See I don't have the problem asking, infect I get many who say yes
ME: but after the date, I play it out and see what we both have to offer to a long term relationship
ME: that's where I feel I come up short.
Jill : that wasn't my point. my point was that he thought something about him thought that if a girl didn't 'need' him, then he had nothing to offer her
ME: well I guess then the question become where is this theory flawed?
Jill : which theory?
ME: something about him thought that if a girl didn't 'need' him, then he had nothing to offer her
Jill : well, to me the theory was flawed. I don't want to have to 'need' someone to enjoy spending time with them. to have them add something to my life. if my life is happier because they're in it, that's enough. I don't need to them to provide me with money, or confidence, or whatever
ME: wow, it takes someone else sometimes to just point out something so obvious
ME: I had never looked at it from that point of view
Jill : I mean, support would be nice. someone to cry on when I have a bad show. or tell me I’m pretty when I feel crummy. but that's a given in a healthy relationship, I think
ME: yea
Jill : you're not alone, though. there're a lot of guys out there like you
ME: yea, we just keep switching the insecure girls
Jill : and then complaining about it afterward :-)
ME: yes
Jill : fear not, there're plenty of insecure girls to go around
ME: yea but I have had my fill thank you very much
Jill : laughs
Jill : good call
ME: thanks
ME: you really help put things in perspective
Jill : that's nice to hear
ME: I don't understand someone who wants you to call and wants to be with you, but when you do, tells you that she didn’t get the message, for one reason or another. So you leave multiple messages all over the place; thinking one of these has to get through, it is all a matter of probability. Then all of a sudden something totally flips, and instead of just saying something to you, they go into this whole I am not going to see you, not telling you why I am not seeing you, and if you worry why and keep trying to get a hold of me you must then be stalking
ME: Can you explained this?
Jill : yes
ME: Please by all means do!
Jill : she wants drama and you're willing to give it to her
Jill : she wants you to want her.
ME: Wow, you know I think that is the shortest to the point and most logical answer I ever heard it explains so much.
Jill : which is (unfortunately) entirely different than wanting YOU. she wants to be wanted. my guess is there is insecurity and immaturity involved
Jill : yet, you're totally willing to put up with it. what does that say about what you want?
ME: it says that I am the type of person who ties to make everyone happy even at the expense of my own.
ME: and thus I let myself get involved with the worst of people
ME: to fill my need to try and fix things
Jill : I doubt it's that you let yourself. my guess is you seek them out
ME: I don't know that I actively seek them, I will admit to after having found them to talking an active roll in the pursuit
Jill : when was the last time you dated a secure girl without major problems that you weren't 'saving' from something?
ME: define dated...
Jill : whatever you want. you tell me
ME: well I have been on a date with secure people maybe 3 times in the past year, serious relationships, it has been well not counting Mary years apron years
ME: I guess it goes back to the point of secure people I make friends because there worth having around for a while, where as I try to fix what ever ails the person I am dating
Jill : is that the way you want it to be?
ME: not really
Jill : well why is it the way it is? what's your attraction to the problems? or what's your non-attraction to the secure people?
ME: I guess it goes to insecurities about me. I mean a dancer who can't walk some days... Who survives paycheck to paycheck, with nominal good looks, and eccentric personality. I look at what I have to offer. I think the main attraction is I feel secure in who I am on a whole... I feel good being me. and so if I am the rock to insecure person then I provide something to the relationship
ME: so in short, I feel secure in me but not what I have to offer to the world
ME: hence if I can not contribute than what good am I
Jill : I once had a guy I had a crush on come up to me (drunk) in a bar. out of the blue, he says, 'I could never ask you out. I’d love to. but you're so happy by yourself, you would never need me.'
Jill : I think that's sad
ME: See I don't have the problem asking, infect I get many who say yes
ME: but after the date, I play it out and see what we both have to offer to a long term relationship
ME: that's where I feel I come up short.
Jill : that wasn't my point. my point was that he thought something about him thought that if a girl didn't 'need' him, then he had nothing to offer her
ME: well I guess then the question become where is this theory flawed?
Jill : which theory?
ME: something about him thought that if a girl didn't 'need' him, then he had nothing to offer her
Jill : well, to me the theory was flawed. I don't want to have to 'need' someone to enjoy spending time with them. to have them add something to my life. if my life is happier because they're in it, that's enough. I don't need to them to provide me with money, or confidence, or whatever
ME: wow, it takes someone else sometimes to just point out something so obvious
ME: I had never looked at it from that point of view
Jill : I mean, support would be nice. someone to cry on when I have a bad show. or tell me I’m pretty when I feel crummy. but that's a given in a healthy relationship, I think
ME: yea
Jill : you're not alone, though. there're a lot of guys out there like you
ME: yea, we just keep switching the insecure girls
Jill : and then complaining about it afterward :-)
ME: yes
Jill : fear not, there're plenty of insecure girls to go around
ME: yea but I have had my fill thank you very much
Jill : laughs
Jill : good call
ME: thanks
ME: you really help put things in perspective
Jill : that's nice to hear