pre-Mississippi... don't read this. it's a mess.
This is the week before reading week. On reading week I will be in Mississippi, on the Project Serve expedition with the theme "race and poverty."
I realized that I had chosen to go on this trip because of a quarter-life crisis... This feeling of being lost that has been hanging over me lately.
I'm nervous about going south now that it's right around the corner. There is a lot of work to be done beforehand, both in preparation for the trip itself and general upkeep necessary to prevent my life from falling apart because of my departure. My HR courses don't stop for reading week, and there is actually an online assignment due at the end of that week which I obviously must complete early. There is also an essay due for my English seminar on the Tuesday after.
The most I have really done for the HR material has been to read it. The three textbooks vary in what I would call quality... The "strategic planning" one is incredibly dry. The "training" text is written quite poorly and is full of awkward sentences and redundant paragraphs. The "compensation" text has so far been the most interesting and well done. It also seems to cover the most ground. Training really is part of compensation, especially if the job is a high-involvement role or is meant to be a career-building position. And strategic HR planning is nothing without enticing the employees to follow along with carefully hand-picked benefits.
Reading those texts has made me feel more apathetic about large corporations who employ "wage slaves" with high turnover. Like in the Maple Leaf factory, or at McDonald's. It's confusing to think about it from that perspective, and then go to my seminar and discuss ad nauseum the inherent injustice of the classical managerial style. Today at least it had me sitting in a kind of daze, as I considered adding my own input to the debate, and then withdrawing. I thought that explaining the classical system would be a real life "thread killer", or else would cause everyone to rip me a new asshole. Which is what happened with my first presentation and essay proposal... Good God I wish I could forget that presentation. What a Titanic.
I spoke to Nandorfy (my prof for the above seminar) about my essay proposal... seeing as I will have to write the whole thing in about 2 days. One day of effort this week, and one day of effort when I return, probably on Monday. I felt like a zombie sitting there and saying blandly "okay" to anything she told me. Really I was hoping that she would do most of the talking, and would just give me some no-nonsense advice on how to proceed with my essay. But instead she decided to pause uncomfortably every sentence or so, and look at me unblinkingly, expecting me to add something maybe? I don't know, I didn't know what she was looking for. Honestly, I have to be pretty clueless before I make the decision to go to a professor for help.
That procedure kind of defeats itself... if one only seeks help when you don't know the first thing to ask, what kind of help are you going to get? Nothing really because you don't even know what you need help with.
Anyway she said something that I was inspired to rant a little about on the bus on the way home. I sat in the back and scribbled in my notebook like a crazy person. It's not a long bus ride, so this is what I've got:
Nickel and Dimed was described by another student in their essay proposal as a piece of mindless entertainment. He or she said it had no worth outside of that.
I wrote:
- what purpose does one aspire to if they are not moved by a desire to affect the world? One who is not motivated to impose positive changes or impact is no asset to humanity and should be purged. This is the kind of apathy that caused us to become what we are - consumer drones. Like Mike's idea that the world exists purely for his own entertainment... this reduces the individual to a sucking baby or other parasite, passively absorbing the world and not reacting, doing NOTHING. One who does nothing does not exist.
The majority are not movers and shakers. They are passive consumers, nonentities. They are the clau manipulated by the few motivated individuals - who are usually motivated by personal gain, and exploit the majority, amorally, and even immorally. They ARE harm.
Add this to the tangent mentioned in class that we vote every time we open our wallets to pay for something (and that is the only system of governance there really is). If we are passive in our consumption, we do not even vote, even if we have the ability to (luxury of choice between goods). Everyday activism is conscious consumption. We cannot buy unthinkingly, as that is what supports the system that imposes all the problems we occasionally feel outraged about.
Now, this all sounds very conspiracy-theorist, and reminds me of the persona "liberal douche" that gets trounced all the time, rightfully so. Is this what I've become??? I think I am a very passive person, more and more so in recent years. So am I part of the problem I just described?
I hate these unpleasant, conflicted feelings. >:( Especially since my thoughts are hardly organized... and when I start thinking about it, the feeling keeps coming up: what's the use anyway? Why worry about this? And the retort, "that's what they want you to think," just reeks of "paranoia"... ugh quotes around everything because there is so much doubt.
If you don't know what I mean, never mind, you're better off not thinking about it. Stay coddled, confident, and comfortable. There's no prize down the rabbit hole.
--------------------------------
Okay, flimsy little hyphen divider is there to organize my thoughts! Did it work?
As part of an on-again, off-again campaign to re-establish myself as a worthy human being, I adding music to my life.
...
UGH that seems like such a waste of time with so many other unplaceable worries and other things to do.
Life, please be simple again.
I realized that I had chosen to go on this trip because of a quarter-life crisis... This feeling of being lost that has been hanging over me lately.
I'm nervous about going south now that it's right around the corner. There is a lot of work to be done beforehand, both in preparation for the trip itself and general upkeep necessary to prevent my life from falling apart because of my departure. My HR courses don't stop for reading week, and there is actually an online assignment due at the end of that week which I obviously must complete early. There is also an essay due for my English seminar on the Tuesday after.
The most I have really done for the HR material has been to read it. The three textbooks vary in what I would call quality... The "strategic planning" one is incredibly dry. The "training" text is written quite poorly and is full of awkward sentences and redundant paragraphs. The "compensation" text has so far been the most interesting and well done. It also seems to cover the most ground. Training really is part of compensation, especially if the job is a high-involvement role or is meant to be a career-building position. And strategic HR planning is nothing without enticing the employees to follow along with carefully hand-picked benefits.
Reading those texts has made me feel more apathetic about large corporations who employ "wage slaves" with high turnover. Like in the Maple Leaf factory, or at McDonald's. It's confusing to think about it from that perspective, and then go to my seminar and discuss ad nauseum the inherent injustice of the classical managerial style. Today at least it had me sitting in a kind of daze, as I considered adding my own input to the debate, and then withdrawing. I thought that explaining the classical system would be a real life "thread killer", or else would cause everyone to rip me a new asshole. Which is what happened with my first presentation and essay proposal... Good God I wish I could forget that presentation. What a Titanic.
I spoke to Nandorfy (my prof for the above seminar) about my essay proposal... seeing as I will have to write the whole thing in about 2 days. One day of effort this week, and one day of effort when I return, probably on Monday. I felt like a zombie sitting there and saying blandly "okay" to anything she told me. Really I was hoping that she would do most of the talking, and would just give me some no-nonsense advice on how to proceed with my essay. But instead she decided to pause uncomfortably every sentence or so, and look at me unblinkingly, expecting me to add something maybe? I don't know, I didn't know what she was looking for. Honestly, I have to be pretty clueless before I make the decision to go to a professor for help.
That procedure kind of defeats itself... if one only seeks help when you don't know the first thing to ask, what kind of help are you going to get? Nothing really because you don't even know what you need help with.
Anyway she said something that I was inspired to rant a little about on the bus on the way home. I sat in the back and scribbled in my notebook like a crazy person. It's not a long bus ride, so this is what I've got:
Nickel and Dimed was described by another student in their essay proposal as a piece of mindless entertainment. He or she said it had no worth outside of that.
I wrote:
- what purpose does one aspire to if they are not moved by a desire to affect the world? One who is not motivated to impose positive changes or impact is no asset to humanity and should be purged. This is the kind of apathy that caused us to become what we are - consumer drones. Like Mike's idea that the world exists purely for his own entertainment... this reduces the individual to a sucking baby or other parasite, passively absorbing the world and not reacting, doing NOTHING. One who does nothing does not exist.
The majority are not movers and shakers. They are passive consumers, nonentities. They are the clau manipulated by the few motivated individuals - who are usually motivated by personal gain, and exploit the majority, amorally, and even immorally. They ARE harm.
Add this to the tangent mentioned in class that we vote every time we open our wallets to pay for something (and that is the only system of governance there really is). If we are passive in our consumption, we do not even vote, even if we have the ability to (luxury of choice between goods). Everyday activism is conscious consumption. We cannot buy unthinkingly, as that is what supports the system that imposes all the problems we occasionally feel outraged about.
Now, this all sounds very conspiracy-theorist, and reminds me of the persona "liberal douche" that gets trounced all the time, rightfully so. Is this what I've become??? I think I am a very passive person, more and more so in recent years. So am I part of the problem I just described?
I hate these unpleasant, conflicted feelings. >:( Especially since my thoughts are hardly organized... and when I start thinking about it, the feeling keeps coming up: what's the use anyway? Why worry about this? And the retort, "that's what they want you to think," just reeks of "paranoia"... ugh quotes around everything because there is so much doubt.
If you don't know what I mean, never mind, you're better off not thinking about it. Stay coddled, confident, and comfortable. There's no prize down the rabbit hole.
--------------------------------
Okay, flimsy little hyphen divider is there to organize my thoughts! Did it work?
As part of an on-again, off-again campaign to re-establish myself as a worthy human being, I adding music to my life.
...
UGH that seems like such a waste of time with so many other unplaceable worries and other things to do.
Life, please be simple again.