anger
I realized that I have difficulty expressing anger, not because I don't feel it, but because I am not satisfied by any avenue by which I can let it out.
When I am angry, I get the urge to be destructive. Primarily in a physical way: I want to Hulk smash things, I want to throw vehicles, crumble concrete, uproot trees, and dismember people.
Unfortunately, I'm not well suited to that type of release. Realistically, I am physically inadequate to hurt anyone but myself. Because of this, being angry is frustrating, and leads to more emotional discomfort, a feeling of uselessness. The very best thing I have discovered when I'm angry is the throwing of books. They are just noisy enough, just durable enough, just heavy enough, to be good to throw. This, however, is a last resort. Though I sometimes want to be destructive, I am pretty protective of my own property. Possessive? At least, territorial.
At times, in the past, anger has brought me into a strange, fiery supernova of creative power. I have written angry poetry, drawn angry pictures, thought angry things of all other sorts. But that is the good anger, and it seems to be coin flip.
Anger is definitely a frustration of power. If I were to define it in the most vague, inclusive way I could, I would use those words.
What I set out to say in this entry was that anger is now barely worth my effort. I can't express it in a satisfactory way. Though it sometimes results in art, it very seldom results in good art. Anger is like walking through an unexpected spiderweb. It's like biting your lip while chewing. Like getting shampoo into your eye or mouth. Useless, unnecessary, gainless discomfort with no cure.
---
What kind of a fucking retard decides the best time to do repairs in the library is at midnight? When people are trying to concentrate without distractions in the last couple hours before closing? If anyone's here now, it's because we're working on something important. We're at the library, often because studying or working at home is unsuitable. Regardless, this is a time for cramming and efficiency.
Not the time to install new light fixtures. Do that at 7am, when there will ACTUALLY be no one here.
I hate it when I say something and it's as if it willfully isn't heard or read.
Decaf tea? Really? If there exists a person who is agitated by the amount of caffeine that is in tea, they should just drink water.
When I am angry, I get the urge to be destructive. Primarily in a physical way: I want to Hulk smash things, I want to throw vehicles, crumble concrete, uproot trees, and dismember people.
Unfortunately, I'm not well suited to that type of release. Realistically, I am physically inadequate to hurt anyone but myself. Because of this, being angry is frustrating, and leads to more emotional discomfort, a feeling of uselessness. The very best thing I have discovered when I'm angry is the throwing of books. They are just noisy enough, just durable enough, just heavy enough, to be good to throw. This, however, is a last resort. Though I sometimes want to be destructive, I am pretty protective of my own property. Possessive? At least, territorial.
At times, in the past, anger has brought me into a strange, fiery supernova of creative power. I have written angry poetry, drawn angry pictures, thought angry things of all other sorts. But that is the good anger, and it seems to be coin flip.
Anger is definitely a frustration of power. If I were to define it in the most vague, inclusive way I could, I would use those words.
What I set out to say in this entry was that anger is now barely worth my effort. I can't express it in a satisfactory way. Though it sometimes results in art, it very seldom results in good art. Anger is like walking through an unexpected spiderweb. It's like biting your lip while chewing. Like getting shampoo into your eye or mouth. Useless, unnecessary, gainless discomfort with no cure.
---
What kind of a fucking retard decides the best time to do repairs in the library is at midnight? When people are trying to concentrate without distractions in the last couple hours before closing? If anyone's here now, it's because we're working on something important. We're at the library, often because studying or working at home is unsuitable. Regardless, this is a time for cramming and efficiency.
Not the time to install new light fixtures. Do that at 7am, when there will ACTUALLY be no one here.
I hate it when I say something and it's as if it willfully isn't heard or read.
Decaf tea? Really? If there exists a person who is agitated by the amount of caffeine that is in tea, they should just drink water.