Maybe Someday, Chapter 3
WHOO IT'S DONE
MAYBE SOMEDAY
CHAPTER THREE
I don't care if forever never comes
Cause I'm holding out for that teenage feeling.
-Neko Case
Usually Kyon masturbates the same way he brushes his teeth. It's just part of the daily routine, not something he really thinks about much. Occasionally he gets a porn magazine or something, puts more effort into it, but he always feels a little pathetic jerking off now that he's actually had sex with a girl.
It's been a couple of weeks. He's already gotten used to being alone. So there's no reason for this morning to be different from any other.
Except that as he's fisting his cock he happens to glace at the space where Koizumi's futon used to be. He remembers, vaguely, the rustling sounds Koizumi's sheets made at night when he was trying to jerk off as silently as possible. And all of a sudden the thought crosses his mind that all those times, Koizumi was doing it thinking about him.
His cock gives a sudden twitch in his hand as this image hits him. He pictures Koizumi with his boxers around his ankles, face flushed, maybe biting his tongue to keep from moaning, staring at Kyon's back on the other side of the room. Or maybe in the shower, bracing himself up against the wall with one hand and stroking his cock with the other, panting and shivering as he imagines Kyon fucking him.
It's like some kind of sick perpetual feedback loop. His hand starts to move faster, and now Kyon is jerking off thinking about Koizumi thinking about Kyon and part of him knows exactly how wrong that is, and he still can't manage to stop.
He allows himself to remember the feeling of Koizumi tightening around him, the night they did it. The memories are still razor-sharp in his mind. The way his breath came in little hisses, his eyes squeezed shut as Kyon's cock pushed into him deeper and faster. It was so weird, so amazingly good...
He comes harder than he has in a long time.
For a second he just stays there, blinking. Trying not to think about what just happened. But of course that's impossible, and all of a sudden things have gotten a lot more confusing.
***
Once his classes are over, he heads for the library. Yuki and Haruhi are sitting outside. He almost hopes they don't see him. He's been feeling weird all day - trying to convince himself that what happened this morning isn't worth thinking about, and not doing a very good job. He feels vulnerable, somehow, like everyone on campus is going to be able to see what he did just by looking. But if they can, they certainly don't say anything.
He's just decided it's probably best to walk away when Haruhi looks up and sees him and it's too late. "Ah! It's Kyon!"
Yuki raises her hand in a wave.
"Hey," he says them a little awkwardly. "How's it going?"
Yuki is the one to answer first, which is unusual. "We're doing well. Are you?" Her expression is solemn. "Have you heard from Koizumi-kun?"
They haven't had a chance to talk since he went to the Agency the other day, but presumably she can guess how it went. "Yeah," he replies, "I talked to him. He's not doing too well." He remembers that Haruhi is there, and clears his throat. "I mean, it looks like his grandparents are still really sick."
"Well, it's good that he's so concerned about them," says Haruhi lightly, and then changes the subject to her upcoming midterms.
For a second he thinks about telling her the truth. He'll need to do it eventually - she needs to be there to say goodbye. But today, with everything else that's happened, he just can't bring himself to say the words. He sits down beside Yuki and listens as hard as he can.
Usually Haruhi is fine with holding up three ends of a conversation. But maybe it really is showing on his face how weird he feels: she falls silent after a while, looking at him speculatively before she continues.
"Hey, should I grow my hair out again?"
"What?"
"It's pretty short." Haruhi gestures to her hair. It has gotten longer since the dramatic pixie cut, but not by much. "If I grew it out, I could wear it in a ponytail again. So what do you think?"
"Why are you asking me?"
"Well." She shrugs. A mischievous grin spreads over her face. "You know..."
And she trails off, in a way suggesting that the conclusion of that sentence should be obvious.
He doesn't intend on saying it. It's such a small thing; it shouldn't bother him that much. He's just tired, and frustrated, and it's the first thing that comes into his head.
"Don't act like we're going out."
"...What did you say?"
Haruhi stares at him in pure and utter disbelief, as though he's speaking a foreign language. This is it, then. The moment he's been waiting for ever since high school. He could backtrack, try to pretend it was a joke, but they both know it wasn't. For a second he thinks: maybe I've just doomed the world. And somehow this just makes him feel even more frustrated.
"I said, don't act like we're going out. It's annoying."
He's not really that surprised when her response is to take a swing at him. She's fast: he doesn't manage to duck in time, and the punch hits him square in the nose. The pain is intense. He puts his hands up to his nose and they come away bloody.
Even then, Haruhi isn't finished. Yuki catches her fist just before it connects again. She pulls her back and holds on with unnatural strength, but Haruhi's face is contorted with rage and she fights hard to break free.
Yuki stares at Kyon. "You should go now." Her voice and eyes are both snow-cold.
"Yeah," says Kyon, "I should."
"KYON! YOU IDIOT!" shouts Haruhi after him, as he walks away. "I'M GONNA KILL YOU! GET BACK HERE AND FIGHT ME LIKE A MAN!"
But once he's out of sight he has no idea where to go. He wants to talk to someone. But he doesn't know who. If only there were someone who knew. Someone who could listen.
There isn't. And there's no point in thinking that way.
At home he throws his bloody t-shirt in the laundry basket and goes into the bathroom to clean up the mess that is his face.
Why did he even say that to her? So far, he's done a good job at ignoring Haruhi's feelings for him, walking a tightrope between rejecting her and just giving in. It's this thing with Koizumi that's thrown him off. This whole day - this whole month - has been one gigantic mess. It's not fair that things are this way: with Mikuru gone, and Koizumi leaving soon, and Haruhi wanting to kill him, and him somehow suddenly fantasizing about...
Well.
Koizumi would probably be upset. After all, he's been hinting none-too-subtly that Kyon and Haruhi should hook up. But all this is his fault anyway. If he had just left things the way they were, none of this would have happened, and they could all have been living their normal lives.
It's just that the way she was talking seemed so normal. Like nothing was wrong, like Koizumi hadn't left. Of course, that isn't her fault. She doesn't know. Yuki wouldn't tell her, of course, and all Kyon did was lie to her about it.
Maybe, subconsciously, he wished that if Haruhi believed that lie it would become the truth. But if that was his plan, it failed. And now he doesn't know what to do.
He dries his face off and heads for the kitchen. Maybe he should take some painkillers. He's starting to get a headache.
After a second his mind registers that there's an envelope sitting on the counter. He doesn't remember putting it there, and the door was locked. There's no address.
The letter inside is written on pastel pink stationary with rabbits in the top and bottom margins. The writing is rounded and very neat, although in some places characters have been whited out and rewritten. It's a handwriting he has seen many times before. But not for a long time.
His heart is in his throat as he reads.
To Kyon-kun,
I am not supposed to be sending you this letter. But I was very sad that I didn't get a real chance to say goodbye to everyone, so when I got the opportunity to do this, I had to take it, even if I might get in trouble later. I'm sure you know how that feels. Please don't show it to anyone else.
Right now I am doing very well. For me, it hasn't been very long since we said goodbye - less than a year. I think that now you might be older than I am! Your studies are going well, aren't they? I am also learning a lot of things, and I would love to say more, but... well... it's classified information! I'm sorry.
I know that right now you are going through some trouble. You are probably very confused and don't know what you should do. But please stay strong, because even if things have gone differently from the way you thought, you still have your friends to help you.
I'm sure you must be worried about the SOS Brigade. But you know what? Things will be okay. Because we won't disappear. Even though in some ways I'm far away, in some ways, I'm really close. And I will always be with you in my heart. So I hope that you know that I'm there, and so really, we're all together.
Life will always be different in the future. But that doesn't mean you have to throw away things from the past. It's not enough just to wish for things to return to normal. They can be better than normal, if you're willing to be more honest. There is something you can do. I'm sure you know what I mean.
Believe in your friends. Believe in Haruhi-san, who is stronger than you think. Things will turn out fine.
Always your friend,
Asahina Mikuru
PS: We will meet again someday.
PPS: Later, please tell Koizumi-kun "congratulations."
Stapled to the letter is a photograph of the SOS Brigade taken shortly before Mikuru graduated. Kyon can't remember who took it - maybe Tsuruya, or Taniguchi. Everyone is lined up, with Haruhi, of course, in the middle. She has her hands around Yuki and Mikuru's shoulders and is grinning ecstatically at the camera. Flanking them are Kyon, looking a little exasperated as always, and Koizumi.
The expression on Koizumi's face is weird. It's not his usual smile: his eyes are wide open, not hooded. The curve of his lips is small. Something about it is a little wistful, but there's no doubt in his mind that it's a real smile.
Oh, thinks Kyon. So he was happy.
Somehow that makes him think.
This whole time he's been pondering what to do, how to keep Koizumi from leaving, if he wants Koizumi to leave, and he's been trying his best to ignore the subject of why he cares so much. Why he should still consider Koizumi to be his friend after everything that's happened. Because whatever else is going on, it's useless now to pretend that Koizumi *isn't* his friend, on top of... everything else that he may be.
"You don't trust me, do you?" Koizumi asked.
And Kyon said no. But that was a lie. Of course Koizumi doesn't always do what's predictable, and he doesn't often tell the whole truth. He's a devious and somewhat suspicious guy who always makes things difficult by taking everything on himself.
But Kyon trusts him to act with Haruhi's and everyone's best interests in mind, even if what he does may be a mistake.
He trusts him to be a good SOS Brigade member - he is Vice-Commander, after all. And if he trusts Koizumi, he has to be trustworthy in response.
...Maybe Mikuru is right. If she's writing a letter from the future, and she's confident enough to tell him that everything will be fine... maybe the SOS Brigade isn't so fragile as to break apart just because they're not high school students anymore.
Kyon folds up the letter again, very carefully.
Then he goes to get the phone. He needs to talk to Haruhi.
***
Sanshiro Park is located on the Hongo Campus. It's surrounded by a thick copse of trees, and walking down the pathway is like walking into another world. Or a Closed Space.
Haruhi walks between him and Yuki, looking for all the world like a general on the eve of a great battle.
For a moment he wonders if Koizumi will even keep their appointment. Maybe he changed his mind. He may even have left the country. But they turn a corner and he's there: sitting on a rock, staring out across the pond. His face looks a little better than last time; less haggard and more contemplative. Sonou Mori-san must have been taking care of him.
"Ah," he says, rising from his seat as he sees them. "Good afternoon-"
Immediately Haruhi steps forward, hands planted on her hips. "You can't leave," she says loud enough that the several other people in the area turn to stare. "You have to be in our horror movie. I've decided: you're the hero, and in the end you turn out to be the killer, and it's up to Yuki to end your reign of terror."
Koizumi smiles wistfully. "I'm afraid I don't think that's going to happen, now. I'm sorry, H-" he stops and shakes his head- "Suzumiya-san. This time, I can't just do as you say."
"You can if you know what's good for you. You're my subordinate, so I can't accept this." Haruhi looks highly sceptical. "I mean, what do you need to study abroad for? A degree in Philosophy is the same no matter where you get it. Did you really think we would just let you go without a fight?"
"Everything's decided. I only came here to say goodbye."
"Too bad."
"I've got my plane ticket."
"Cancel it."
"It's better for everyone if I go."
"Says who? You're just running away! Nobody wants you to leave, so you can't go, and that's final!" Her words are childish, bossy, but Haruhi is deadly serious.
Koizumi shakes his head. "Suzumiya-san," he says, a little patronizingly, a little desperately, "you don't understand..."
"Yes, I do. Kyon told me everything."
An expression of utter shock appears on Koizumi's face. Kyon can't help but enjoy it a little.
"And I expected better from you," continues Haruhi, as if she can't hear him. "Really, I thought you of all people would be more responsible! Obviously you can't get pregnant, but you have to be considerate of your health! Kyon could and probably does have all kinds of horrible diseases..."
"You're... upset because I didn't use a condom." Koizumi sounds like he's on the verge of a nervous breakdown.
"Yes. Sexual health is important, after all."
"...I thought you..."
"Thought I what? What did you think?" Haruhi looks genuinely puzzled. Then she shrugs. "Anyway, to be perfectly honest, there's nothing good about this idiot here." She punches Kyon's shoulder, lightly. "But if you've decided that's what you want, who am I to stop you? At least with you around he'll have someone watching out for him. I'm sure you'll have some troubles, but, you know, the power of love can overcome any obstacle."
"Uh," says Kyon, and then stops. It looks like Haruhi has misunderstood something somewhere along the line. But then, that's her all over. "Yeah. Something... like that."
Koizumi looks a great deal less sanguine than he did at the start of this conversation. "I don't think that's quite..."
"I don't really care what you think," says Haruhi blithely. "It's all been decided for you! You're staying here, with Kyon. It's my birthday soon. That means everyone has to do what I say."
Kyon wants to respond that it's not as though she doesn't order people around when it's not her birthday. But for once, he doesn't want to interrupt Haruhi when she's on a roll.
To be honest, he hadn't thought things would go this well. When he spoke to her on the phone earlier he chose his words carefully. But it seemed that Haruhi had already gotten all the rage out of her system, and she was surprisingly philosophical about the whole thing.
"Look," she said, "even if I did want to-" and apparently her pride wouldn't let her continue along those lines, "and I'm not saying I do... It's not like it would matter that much. I mean, you're my flunky first and foremost." She laughs. "Really, what did you think would happen? Do you really think you're *that* attractive?"
He knew that she was putting it on a little strong. But he was afraid that if he said something, she would break down, and they would have a conversation best saved for later.
"Anyway," she continued. "Of course we'll be there. No one is allowed to leave the SOS Brigade without my express permission. And I don't intend on giving that to the Vice Commander." And there was a brief pause. "Or to Mikuru. Even in absentia."
Kyon couldn't help but chuckle. Earlier he had wondered if he should go against Mikuru's instructions and tell Haruhi about the letter, but... maybe she doesn't need to know. Maybe she received a letter of her own.
"Yeah," he said. "That's good."
Now, looking at Koizumi, Haruhi's face softens. "You are going to be in our horror movie," she says, and it's still an order, but it's a gentle one. "And you're going to come to my birthday party, too. And from now on we're going to keep doing fun things together. Aren't we?"
Koizumi's eyes turn to Yuki for a moment, and then to Kyon, and then back to Haruhi. "You really don't take no for an answer, do you."
"Never," says Haruhi firmly. "And now that everything is settled, we'll leave you lovebirds alone." She takes a step back. For a moment the expression on her face is a little bit melancholy. Then she turns. "Yuki! Let's go already!"
"Just a second," says Yuki. She pulls Archaeology of Knowledge out of her bag and presses it into Koizumi's hands. "Here. I enjoyed reading this, so I bought Volume I of the History of Sexuality. When I've finished reading it, I'll lend it to you."
Koizumi hesitates.
"That sounds good," he says, finally. "See you then."
"Yes," says Yuki, and she smiles at him.
"Bye," says Kyon.
And after a couple more goodbyes, they walk away. It's late, and the few other people in the area filtered out during their conversation, so Kyon and Koizumi are alone in Sanshirou Park, staring out over the water as the trees' shadows grow longer and longer.
Asahina-san, thinks Kyon, if you're watching, I hope this is what you had in mind.
"Well," says Koizumi. "Well." And he laughs, nervously. "That was very anti-climactic. I must admit, I'm a bit..." He pauses for a moment. "Disappointed? Maybe?"
"Why? Everything turned out fine."
"...Do you think so?" He looks thoughtful for a moment. "I suppose that since the situation between yourself and Haruhi-san has been resolved, there probably won't be any more incidents of Closed Space. So in that regard, certainly, everything is fine. But you seem to have mislead Haruhi-san about," and he seems to choke on his words for a second before continuing, "certain events."
Kyon shrugs his shoulders. "Not really. I just told her what happened and let her draw her own conclusions about it."
"If you had told her the truth, I don't think she would have drawn those conclusions."
"What truth? That I was helpless and you took advantage of me in a moment of weakness?" He snorts derisively.
"Stop acting like everything's your fault. I was as drunk as you were."
"I wasn't drunk."
"I know," says Kyon. Then he sighs. "Look. If I had wanted you to stop, I would have said something. It's not like I was too terrified to move. You... just wanted to make sure I didn't have to take responsibility, right?"
Koizumi averts his eyes and doesn't answer.
"Too bad. I wanted to fuck you. The responsibility is mine, too. So we'll deal with things together. That's how we've always done things, isn't it? So what's the problem?"
"I," starts Koizumi, and then his voice drops to a whisper so low Kyon can't hear him.
"What?"
Koizumi laughs a particularly unfunny laugh. "I don't know what to do." All of a sudden Kyon understands how confused Koizumi really is, how little he understands about what's going on. "For me, you understand, this is an unusual state of things. If Suzumiya-san wants me to stay, I have no -" He stops abruptly and shakes his head. "No, that's wrong. I do have a choice. The truth is, I want to stay. But I probably shouldn't."
He looks at Kyon, as though searching for a confirmation or denial. At first Kyon wants to tell him to decide for himself. But if that's all he says, it's not really fair to Koizumi. He deserves to have some idea of what's going on in Kyon's head.
"Listen," he says, frankly. "To be perfectly honest, I have no idea how I feel about you. But... I need to have you around. So just come back and be my roommate again, okay?"
Koizumi only looks at him for a moment. Then he sighs the deep sigh of someone who realized a long time ago they would have to do something, whether they liked it or not.
"...Okay."
"Good." And Kyon leans forward to kiss him on the mouth, making sure to take his time.
Koizumi doesn't pull away. Clearly this isn't what he was expecting, and he flushes red, as close as he's ever been to being totally caught off guard. Kyon can't help but feel a little bit self satisfied. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad, to see Koizumi like this more often.
"And that's the kind of 'no idea' I'm talking about. Just so you know."
For a moment Koizumi looks dazed. Moving as if he's in a dream, he brings his fingers up to his lips. Then he smiles the way he was smiling in Mikuru's photo.
"Well. In that case."
And they start walking back to their apartment.
END
(Well, it's done, and I feel pretty good about it! I hope everyone's happy with the ending. ...Or, actually, it was going to end here, but there will probably be a sequel, because that's just what happens when I spend too much time thinking about these things.)
For something that started out as "wouldn't it be hilarious if Kyon and Koizumi got drunk and fucked in uni?", that turned out quite well!
MAYBE SOMEDAY
CHAPTER THREE
I don't care if forever never comes
Cause I'm holding out for that teenage feeling.
-Neko Case
Usually Kyon masturbates the same way he brushes his teeth. It's just part of the daily routine, not something he really thinks about much. Occasionally he gets a porn magazine or something, puts more effort into it, but he always feels a little pathetic jerking off now that he's actually had sex with a girl.
It's been a couple of weeks. He's already gotten used to being alone. So there's no reason for this morning to be different from any other.
Except that as he's fisting his cock he happens to glace at the space where Koizumi's futon used to be. He remembers, vaguely, the rustling sounds Koizumi's sheets made at night when he was trying to jerk off as silently as possible. And all of a sudden the thought crosses his mind that all those times, Koizumi was doing it thinking about him.
His cock gives a sudden twitch in his hand as this image hits him. He pictures Koizumi with his boxers around his ankles, face flushed, maybe biting his tongue to keep from moaning, staring at Kyon's back on the other side of the room. Or maybe in the shower, bracing himself up against the wall with one hand and stroking his cock with the other, panting and shivering as he imagines Kyon fucking him.
It's like some kind of sick perpetual feedback loop. His hand starts to move faster, and now Kyon is jerking off thinking about Koizumi thinking about Kyon and part of him knows exactly how wrong that is, and he still can't manage to stop.
He allows himself to remember the feeling of Koizumi tightening around him, the night they did it. The memories are still razor-sharp in his mind. The way his breath came in little hisses, his eyes squeezed shut as Kyon's cock pushed into him deeper and faster. It was so weird, so amazingly good...
He comes harder than he has in a long time.
For a second he just stays there, blinking. Trying not to think about what just happened. But of course that's impossible, and all of a sudden things have gotten a lot more confusing.
***
Once his classes are over, he heads for the library. Yuki and Haruhi are sitting outside. He almost hopes they don't see him. He's been feeling weird all day - trying to convince himself that what happened this morning isn't worth thinking about, and not doing a very good job. He feels vulnerable, somehow, like everyone on campus is going to be able to see what he did just by looking. But if they can, they certainly don't say anything.
He's just decided it's probably best to walk away when Haruhi looks up and sees him and it's too late. "Ah! It's Kyon!"
Yuki raises her hand in a wave.
"Hey," he says them a little awkwardly. "How's it going?"
Yuki is the one to answer first, which is unusual. "We're doing well. Are you?" Her expression is solemn. "Have you heard from Koizumi-kun?"
They haven't had a chance to talk since he went to the Agency the other day, but presumably she can guess how it went. "Yeah," he replies, "I talked to him. He's not doing too well." He remembers that Haruhi is there, and clears his throat. "I mean, it looks like his grandparents are still really sick."
"Well, it's good that he's so concerned about them," says Haruhi lightly, and then changes the subject to her upcoming midterms.
For a second he thinks about telling her the truth. He'll need to do it eventually - she needs to be there to say goodbye. But today, with everything else that's happened, he just can't bring himself to say the words. He sits down beside Yuki and listens as hard as he can.
Usually Haruhi is fine with holding up three ends of a conversation. But maybe it really is showing on his face how weird he feels: she falls silent after a while, looking at him speculatively before she continues.
"Hey, should I grow my hair out again?"
"What?"
"It's pretty short." Haruhi gestures to her hair. It has gotten longer since the dramatic pixie cut, but not by much. "If I grew it out, I could wear it in a ponytail again. So what do you think?"
"Why are you asking me?"
"Well." She shrugs. A mischievous grin spreads over her face. "You know..."
And she trails off, in a way suggesting that the conclusion of that sentence should be obvious.
He doesn't intend on saying it. It's such a small thing; it shouldn't bother him that much. He's just tired, and frustrated, and it's the first thing that comes into his head.
"Don't act like we're going out."
"...What did you say?"
Haruhi stares at him in pure and utter disbelief, as though he's speaking a foreign language. This is it, then. The moment he's been waiting for ever since high school. He could backtrack, try to pretend it was a joke, but they both know it wasn't. For a second he thinks: maybe I've just doomed the world. And somehow this just makes him feel even more frustrated.
"I said, don't act like we're going out. It's annoying."
He's not really that surprised when her response is to take a swing at him. She's fast: he doesn't manage to duck in time, and the punch hits him square in the nose. The pain is intense. He puts his hands up to his nose and they come away bloody.
Even then, Haruhi isn't finished. Yuki catches her fist just before it connects again. She pulls her back and holds on with unnatural strength, but Haruhi's face is contorted with rage and she fights hard to break free.
Yuki stares at Kyon. "You should go now." Her voice and eyes are both snow-cold.
"Yeah," says Kyon, "I should."
"KYON! YOU IDIOT!" shouts Haruhi after him, as he walks away. "I'M GONNA KILL YOU! GET BACK HERE AND FIGHT ME LIKE A MAN!"
But once he's out of sight he has no idea where to go. He wants to talk to someone. But he doesn't know who. If only there were someone who knew. Someone who could listen.
There isn't. And there's no point in thinking that way.
At home he throws his bloody t-shirt in the laundry basket and goes into the bathroom to clean up the mess that is his face.
Why did he even say that to her? So far, he's done a good job at ignoring Haruhi's feelings for him, walking a tightrope between rejecting her and just giving in. It's this thing with Koizumi that's thrown him off. This whole day - this whole month - has been one gigantic mess. It's not fair that things are this way: with Mikuru gone, and Koizumi leaving soon, and Haruhi wanting to kill him, and him somehow suddenly fantasizing about...
Well.
Koizumi would probably be upset. After all, he's been hinting none-too-subtly that Kyon and Haruhi should hook up. But all this is his fault anyway. If he had just left things the way they were, none of this would have happened, and they could all have been living their normal lives.
It's just that the way she was talking seemed so normal. Like nothing was wrong, like Koizumi hadn't left. Of course, that isn't her fault. She doesn't know. Yuki wouldn't tell her, of course, and all Kyon did was lie to her about it.
Maybe, subconsciously, he wished that if Haruhi believed that lie it would become the truth. But if that was his plan, it failed. And now he doesn't know what to do.
He dries his face off and heads for the kitchen. Maybe he should take some painkillers. He's starting to get a headache.
After a second his mind registers that there's an envelope sitting on the counter. He doesn't remember putting it there, and the door was locked. There's no address.
The letter inside is written on pastel pink stationary with rabbits in the top and bottom margins. The writing is rounded and very neat, although in some places characters have been whited out and rewritten. It's a handwriting he has seen many times before. But not for a long time.
His heart is in his throat as he reads.
To Kyon-kun,
I am not supposed to be sending you this letter. But I was very sad that I didn't get a real chance to say goodbye to everyone, so when I got the opportunity to do this, I had to take it, even if I might get in trouble later. I'm sure you know how that feels. Please don't show it to anyone else.
Right now I am doing very well. For me, it hasn't been very long since we said goodbye - less than a year. I think that now you might be older than I am! Your studies are going well, aren't they? I am also learning a lot of things, and I would love to say more, but... well... it's classified information! I'm sorry.
I know that right now you are going through some trouble. You are probably very confused and don't know what you should do. But please stay strong, because even if things have gone differently from the way you thought, you still have your friends to help you.
I'm sure you must be worried about the SOS Brigade. But you know what? Things will be okay. Because we won't disappear. Even though in some ways I'm far away, in some ways, I'm really close. And I will always be with you in my heart. So I hope that you know that I'm there, and so really, we're all together.
Life will always be different in the future. But that doesn't mean you have to throw away things from the past. It's not enough just to wish for things to return to normal. They can be better than normal, if you're willing to be more honest. There is something you can do. I'm sure you know what I mean.
Believe in your friends. Believe in Haruhi-san, who is stronger than you think. Things will turn out fine.
Always your friend,
Asahina Mikuru
PS: We will meet again someday.
PPS: Later, please tell Koizumi-kun "congratulations."
Stapled to the letter is a photograph of the SOS Brigade taken shortly before Mikuru graduated. Kyon can't remember who took it - maybe Tsuruya, or Taniguchi. Everyone is lined up, with Haruhi, of course, in the middle. She has her hands around Yuki and Mikuru's shoulders and is grinning ecstatically at the camera. Flanking them are Kyon, looking a little exasperated as always, and Koizumi.
The expression on Koizumi's face is weird. It's not his usual smile: his eyes are wide open, not hooded. The curve of his lips is small. Something about it is a little wistful, but there's no doubt in his mind that it's a real smile.
Oh, thinks Kyon. So he was happy.
Somehow that makes him think.
This whole time he's been pondering what to do, how to keep Koizumi from leaving, if he wants Koizumi to leave, and he's been trying his best to ignore the subject of why he cares so much. Why he should still consider Koizumi to be his friend after everything that's happened. Because whatever else is going on, it's useless now to pretend that Koizumi *isn't* his friend, on top of... everything else that he may be.
"You don't trust me, do you?" Koizumi asked.
And Kyon said no. But that was a lie. Of course Koizumi doesn't always do what's predictable, and he doesn't often tell the whole truth. He's a devious and somewhat suspicious guy who always makes things difficult by taking everything on himself.
But Kyon trusts him to act with Haruhi's and everyone's best interests in mind, even if what he does may be a mistake.
He trusts him to be a good SOS Brigade member - he is Vice-Commander, after all. And if he trusts Koizumi, he has to be trustworthy in response.
...Maybe Mikuru is right. If she's writing a letter from the future, and she's confident enough to tell him that everything will be fine... maybe the SOS Brigade isn't so fragile as to break apart just because they're not high school students anymore.
Kyon folds up the letter again, very carefully.
Then he goes to get the phone. He needs to talk to Haruhi.
***
Sanshiro Park is located on the Hongo Campus. It's surrounded by a thick copse of trees, and walking down the pathway is like walking into another world. Or a Closed Space.
Haruhi walks between him and Yuki, looking for all the world like a general on the eve of a great battle.
For a moment he wonders if Koizumi will even keep their appointment. Maybe he changed his mind. He may even have left the country. But they turn a corner and he's there: sitting on a rock, staring out across the pond. His face looks a little better than last time; less haggard and more contemplative. Sonou Mori-san must have been taking care of him.
"Ah," he says, rising from his seat as he sees them. "Good afternoon-"
Immediately Haruhi steps forward, hands planted on her hips. "You can't leave," she says loud enough that the several other people in the area turn to stare. "You have to be in our horror movie. I've decided: you're the hero, and in the end you turn out to be the killer, and it's up to Yuki to end your reign of terror."
Koizumi smiles wistfully. "I'm afraid I don't think that's going to happen, now. I'm sorry, H-" he stops and shakes his head- "Suzumiya-san. This time, I can't just do as you say."
"You can if you know what's good for you. You're my subordinate, so I can't accept this." Haruhi looks highly sceptical. "I mean, what do you need to study abroad for? A degree in Philosophy is the same no matter where you get it. Did you really think we would just let you go without a fight?"
"Everything's decided. I only came here to say goodbye."
"Too bad."
"I've got my plane ticket."
"Cancel it."
"It's better for everyone if I go."
"Says who? You're just running away! Nobody wants you to leave, so you can't go, and that's final!" Her words are childish, bossy, but Haruhi is deadly serious.
Koizumi shakes his head. "Suzumiya-san," he says, a little patronizingly, a little desperately, "you don't understand..."
"Yes, I do. Kyon told me everything."
An expression of utter shock appears on Koizumi's face. Kyon can't help but enjoy it a little.
"And I expected better from you," continues Haruhi, as if she can't hear him. "Really, I thought you of all people would be more responsible! Obviously you can't get pregnant, but you have to be considerate of your health! Kyon could and probably does have all kinds of horrible diseases..."
"You're... upset because I didn't use a condom." Koizumi sounds like he's on the verge of a nervous breakdown.
"Yes. Sexual health is important, after all."
"...I thought you..."
"Thought I what? What did you think?" Haruhi looks genuinely puzzled. Then she shrugs. "Anyway, to be perfectly honest, there's nothing good about this idiot here." She punches Kyon's shoulder, lightly. "But if you've decided that's what you want, who am I to stop you? At least with you around he'll have someone watching out for him. I'm sure you'll have some troubles, but, you know, the power of love can overcome any obstacle."
"Uh," says Kyon, and then stops. It looks like Haruhi has misunderstood something somewhere along the line. But then, that's her all over. "Yeah. Something... like that."
Koizumi looks a great deal less sanguine than he did at the start of this conversation. "I don't think that's quite..."
"I don't really care what you think," says Haruhi blithely. "It's all been decided for you! You're staying here, with Kyon. It's my birthday soon. That means everyone has to do what I say."
Kyon wants to respond that it's not as though she doesn't order people around when it's not her birthday. But for once, he doesn't want to interrupt Haruhi when she's on a roll.
To be honest, he hadn't thought things would go this well. When he spoke to her on the phone earlier he chose his words carefully. But it seemed that Haruhi had already gotten all the rage out of her system, and she was surprisingly philosophical about the whole thing.
"Look," she said, "even if I did want to-" and apparently her pride wouldn't let her continue along those lines, "and I'm not saying I do... It's not like it would matter that much. I mean, you're my flunky first and foremost." She laughs. "Really, what did you think would happen? Do you really think you're *that* attractive?"
He knew that she was putting it on a little strong. But he was afraid that if he said something, she would break down, and they would have a conversation best saved for later.
"Anyway," she continued. "Of course we'll be there. No one is allowed to leave the SOS Brigade without my express permission. And I don't intend on giving that to the Vice Commander." And there was a brief pause. "Or to Mikuru. Even in absentia."
Kyon couldn't help but chuckle. Earlier he had wondered if he should go against Mikuru's instructions and tell Haruhi about the letter, but... maybe she doesn't need to know. Maybe she received a letter of her own.
"Yeah," he said. "That's good."
Now, looking at Koizumi, Haruhi's face softens. "You are going to be in our horror movie," she says, and it's still an order, but it's a gentle one. "And you're going to come to my birthday party, too. And from now on we're going to keep doing fun things together. Aren't we?"
Koizumi's eyes turn to Yuki for a moment, and then to Kyon, and then back to Haruhi. "You really don't take no for an answer, do you."
"Never," says Haruhi firmly. "And now that everything is settled, we'll leave you lovebirds alone." She takes a step back. For a moment the expression on her face is a little bit melancholy. Then she turns. "Yuki! Let's go already!"
"Just a second," says Yuki. She pulls Archaeology of Knowledge out of her bag and presses it into Koizumi's hands. "Here. I enjoyed reading this, so I bought Volume I of the History of Sexuality. When I've finished reading it, I'll lend it to you."
Koizumi hesitates.
"That sounds good," he says, finally. "See you then."
"Yes," says Yuki, and she smiles at him.
"Bye," says Kyon.
And after a couple more goodbyes, they walk away. It's late, and the few other people in the area filtered out during their conversation, so Kyon and Koizumi are alone in Sanshirou Park, staring out over the water as the trees' shadows grow longer and longer.
Asahina-san, thinks Kyon, if you're watching, I hope this is what you had in mind.
"Well," says Koizumi. "Well." And he laughs, nervously. "That was very anti-climactic. I must admit, I'm a bit..." He pauses for a moment. "Disappointed? Maybe?"
"Why? Everything turned out fine."
"...Do you think so?" He looks thoughtful for a moment. "I suppose that since the situation between yourself and Haruhi-san has been resolved, there probably won't be any more incidents of Closed Space. So in that regard, certainly, everything is fine. But you seem to have mislead Haruhi-san about," and he seems to choke on his words for a second before continuing, "certain events."
Kyon shrugs his shoulders. "Not really. I just told her what happened and let her draw her own conclusions about it."
"If you had told her the truth, I don't think she would have drawn those conclusions."
"What truth? That I was helpless and you took advantage of me in a moment of weakness?" He snorts derisively.
"Stop acting like everything's your fault. I was as drunk as you were."
"I wasn't drunk."
"I know," says Kyon. Then he sighs. "Look. If I had wanted you to stop, I would have said something. It's not like I was too terrified to move. You... just wanted to make sure I didn't have to take responsibility, right?"
Koizumi averts his eyes and doesn't answer.
"Too bad. I wanted to fuck you. The responsibility is mine, too. So we'll deal with things together. That's how we've always done things, isn't it? So what's the problem?"
"I," starts Koizumi, and then his voice drops to a whisper so low Kyon can't hear him.
"What?"
Koizumi laughs a particularly unfunny laugh. "I don't know what to do." All of a sudden Kyon understands how confused Koizumi really is, how little he understands about what's going on. "For me, you understand, this is an unusual state of things. If Suzumiya-san wants me to stay, I have no -" He stops abruptly and shakes his head. "No, that's wrong. I do have a choice. The truth is, I want to stay. But I probably shouldn't."
He looks at Kyon, as though searching for a confirmation or denial. At first Kyon wants to tell him to decide for himself. But if that's all he says, it's not really fair to Koizumi. He deserves to have some idea of what's going on in Kyon's head.
"Listen," he says, frankly. "To be perfectly honest, I have no idea how I feel about you. But... I need to have you around. So just come back and be my roommate again, okay?"
Koizumi only looks at him for a moment. Then he sighs the deep sigh of someone who realized a long time ago they would have to do something, whether they liked it or not.
"...Okay."
"Good." And Kyon leans forward to kiss him on the mouth, making sure to take his time.
Koizumi doesn't pull away. Clearly this isn't what he was expecting, and he flushes red, as close as he's ever been to being totally caught off guard. Kyon can't help but feel a little bit self satisfied. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad, to see Koizumi like this more often.
"And that's the kind of 'no idea' I'm talking about. Just so you know."
For a moment Koizumi looks dazed. Moving as if he's in a dream, he brings his fingers up to his lips. Then he smiles the way he was smiling in Mikuru's photo.
"Well. In that case."
And they start walking back to their apartment.
END
(Well, it's done, and I feel pretty good about it! I hope everyone's happy with the ending. ...Or, actually, it was going to end here, but there will probably be a sequel, because that's just what happens when I spend too much time thinking about these things.)
For something that started out as "wouldn't it be hilarious if Kyon and Koizumi got drunk and fucked in uni?", that turned out quite well!