Back to square one, looks like.
Secretary: Hello, this is [the Counseling Place]. How can I help you?
Me: Good afternoon, my name is Cristina Gonzalez. I'm calling because I found you guys did counseling and I need...er...counseling? I saw that you guys take Medicare Part B, so I was wondering about...that.
Secretary: Only with Medicaid.
Me: What?
Secretary: We only take Part B if you have Medicaid?
Me: *did not see this on the site* Okay.
Secretary: Do you have Medicaid?
Me: I don't...know.
Secretary: Well, I can find out for you right now.
[Exchange of sensitive info ensues. Hold periods ensue. Nervous waiting on the phone ensues.]
Secretary: You don't have it.
Me: Oh. W-well, how much is out of pocket?
Secretary: If you do private pay?
Me: Yeah, that.
Secretary: It's going to be $50 a session.
Me: $50... Huh. A-and does that include--
Secretary: Ma'am, ma'am, I'm sorry; just hold one second--
Me: Oh--
[More nervous waiting on the phone ensues, only it's tinged with frustration.]
Secretary: I'm sorry. What were you going to say?
Me: . . .I forgot. (It was to ask if there was an extra fee attached to the initial consultation.)
Secretary: Oh. Well, are you going to do the private pay?
Me: You know what? I'm going to think about it. Um, do you know of any other places in the area that might accept Medicare B?
Secretary: You know, off the top of my head, I don't, but you can call the Medicare offices and say that you're looking for a counselor and they can help you out.
Me: (Attempting to resist all the frustration.) Oh. Okay. Um, y-yeah, I'll try that. Thanks.
Secretary: Alright. Good luck.
Me: (Thinking: What the fuck?)
It didn't really help that my mom was home on a lunch break and, in the middle of the second hold, was the one to suggest asking if they might know of other places. This is the second time I find a place that seems hopeful with regards to finally getting into that safe environment where I can spill out all the excess...stuff in my head, only to have it yanked back because of some minor thing. :| Oh, and I have to bother Medicare because I can't seem to access my information online or whatever, and I tried doing the live chat help (because that's what you're supposed to do) and I couldn't type responses into the live chat window thing. :| :| Maybe I should just call the guy who's my main doctor now and ask for a referral through him, because it's like... I was talking to Val last night (which I feel bad about) and the way I explained it to her was that...like...I'm just really, really tired of this crap. I'm tired of down phases and constantly fretting about the stability of all my relationships and metaphorically seeing things that I very rationally know aren't there (or seeing things as worse than they really are and thinking it is all somehow my fault). I'm tired of feeling guilty for needing to talk to someone and then not talking because of feeling like I'd just be a bother to whomever I want to talk to--and then feeling resentful--and then feeling guilty for feeling resentful because I rationally know I have no reason to be resentful, and/or feeling guilty because I feel like I'm being selfish.
(And I really don't need my mom asking yet again how I expect to be a good art therapist if I have phases like this. I know she means well, but no. Not helping.)
I need a hugging circle. Or a therapist I can actually afford. Or even just assurance that everything is okay and I'm just overthinking and that it will pass. In the meantime, I'm just gonna keep writing stress-free fic doodles and eating chocolate and...y'know, not lose my head. Which reminds me: The Anxiety Cat tumblr had a post on deep breathing exercises that I should probably try...
Me: Good afternoon, my name is Cristina Gonzalez. I'm calling because I found you guys did counseling and I need...er...counseling? I saw that you guys take Medicare Part B, so I was wondering about...that.
Secretary: Only with Medicaid.
Me: What?
Secretary: We only take Part B if you have Medicaid?
Me: *did not see this on the site* Okay.
Secretary: Do you have Medicaid?
Me: I don't...know.
Secretary: Well, I can find out for you right now.
[Exchange of sensitive info ensues. Hold periods ensue. Nervous waiting on the phone ensues.]
Secretary: You don't have it.
Me: Oh. W-well, how much is out of pocket?
Secretary: If you do private pay?
Me: Yeah, that.
Secretary: It's going to be $50 a session.
Me: $50... Huh. A-and does that include--
Secretary: Ma'am, ma'am, I'm sorry; just hold one second--
Me: Oh--
[More nervous waiting on the phone ensues, only it's tinged with frustration.]
Secretary: I'm sorry. What were you going to say?
Me: . . .I forgot. (It was to ask if there was an extra fee attached to the initial consultation.)
Secretary: Oh. Well, are you going to do the private pay?
Me: You know what? I'm going to think about it. Um, do you know of any other places in the area that might accept Medicare B?
Secretary: You know, off the top of my head, I don't, but you can call the Medicare offices and say that you're looking for a counselor and they can help you out.
Me: (Attempting to resist all the frustration.) Oh. Okay. Um, y-yeah, I'll try that. Thanks.
Secretary: Alright. Good luck.
Me: (Thinking: What the fuck?)
It didn't really help that my mom was home on a lunch break and, in the middle of the second hold, was the one to suggest asking if they might know of other places. This is the second time I find a place that seems hopeful with regards to finally getting into that safe environment where I can spill out all the excess...stuff in my head, only to have it yanked back because of some minor thing. :| Oh, and I have to bother Medicare because I can't seem to access my information online or whatever, and I tried doing the live chat help (because that's what you're supposed to do) and I couldn't type responses into the live chat window thing. :| :| Maybe I should just call the guy who's my main doctor now and ask for a referral through him, because it's like... I was talking to Val last night (which I feel bad about) and the way I explained it to her was that...like...I'm just really, really tired of this crap. I'm tired of down phases and constantly fretting about the stability of all my relationships and metaphorically seeing things that I very rationally know aren't there (or seeing things as worse than they really are and thinking it is all somehow my fault). I'm tired of feeling guilty for needing to talk to someone and then not talking because of feeling like I'd just be a bother to whomever I want to talk to--and then feeling resentful--and then feeling guilty for feeling resentful because I rationally know I have no reason to be resentful, and/or feeling guilty because I feel like I'm being selfish.
(And I really don't need my mom asking yet again how I expect to be a good art therapist if I have phases like this. I know she means well, but no. Not helping.)
I need a hugging circle. Or a therapist I can actually afford. Or even just assurance that everything is okay and I'm just overthinking and that it will pass. In the meantime, I'm just gonna keep writing stress-free fic doodles and eating chocolate and...y'know, not lose my head. Which reminds me: The Anxiety Cat tumblr had a post on deep breathing exercises that I should probably try...