(no subject)
So! As of yesterday, I can totally cross two things off my I've Never ______ list--those things being "Visit A Sex Store" and "Buy A Dirty Magazine". (I was almost able to cross off "Buy A Riding Crop" but the one I wanted was $13 and I don't exactly have anyone to spank with it. Yet.) Anyway. Hangtimes (a word I seem to have picked up from Sally) involved checking out this place near downtown when it was discovered that I'd never been. It was actually a really interesting place. You wouldn't even know it was a sex shop from looking at it, and even the sign outside is one of those "blink and you miss it" things from the highway.
Not that it kept my inner teenager from giggling immaturely the whole time I was there. I swear I'm twenty-three. Honest!
The store itself had a wide selection of things. Movies, magazines, devices, cleaning supplies... They even had a shelf of books where I tried to find The Ethical Slut, but no dice. (Barnes & Noble, it is!) They also card you the minute you get in the door, which I rather liked. It's well-lit, the aisles are easy to navigate... There were a couple of "WTF?!' items that I seriously hope are just novelty gifts, mainly because they were half Ruth's size and quite possibly as thick as a can of Coke. >.>
Like I said, I didn't buy anything too scandalous. Just some incense and a Playboy and toy cleaner...
It's situations like this, and a conversation I had with Ruth on the way to Whataburger afterward, that make me realize how lucky I am that sex was not a taboo topic at home, even from a young age. If I wanted to know something, I could always ask my parents if I wanted to know something with the expectation that I would get as honest and as appropriate an answer as they could provide. That plus being able to watch shows like Talk Sex and Berman & Berman--shows by women in a position to discuss matters of sexual health--has cultivated what I consider to be a healthy, amused view of sex. It's also probably helped to result in someone who has a lowered sense of self-censorship. I find sometimes that I feel the need to choose my words and topics carefully, because, as I was telling Ruth, "I might say something that seems completely innocuous to me, while still being kind of dirty, but is terribly scandalous to someone else." Or, in other cases, I sometimes forget they've been past the "of age" line for a while and talking about sex won't lead to Chris Hansen showing up at my door. "Why don't you take a sea...oh, I see you've got that covered. Sorry about that. What're you doing here?"
Upon further reflection, I think that perhaps because of my condition, a healthy view of sex becomes even more important. I got linked this interesting article on sex for/with people in wheelchairs yesterday. It's written by a guy with a spinal cord injury, so the article is mainly focused on the possibility of sex following such a thing, which initially made me hesitant to read it because my condition isn't SCI-related. But I'm glad I did, because he raises a good point, which I'll quote here:
People with a physical disability often have a poor self body image, thinking they are damaged goods, broken, somehow less than. This perception or stigma is difficult to change in both the disabled and general public’s mind.
[. . .]
My girlfriend was asked what she sees in me because I’m, “not a whole man.” Resisting the urge to punch them out of their seat she replied, "He’s more man than any I know, I see the man not the wheelchair."]
1. Good girlfriend!
2. She should've totally punched whoever told her that anyway.
So yeah. There was more I was going to say on that subject, but some recent news on my Twitter feed is making me all sorts of uncomfortable and anxious about my future again.
Me: "By any chance, has she said anything about or for me, re: the internship?"
Patricia: "She didn't get your e-mail. She's going to call the Lt. Gen. She is scowl faced at you not doing a bridge w/ stmu classes."
Um...wait, what?How is it my fault that it didn't get scheduled? I was under the distinct impression that everything was being handled and arranged for me. I've been counting on that, and now it's my fault? If I'd been told from the beginning that I was supposed to look into it, I would have, because I may not look it, but I've been very fucking srs bsns about this entire grad school thing. Like right now, I'm sitting here half tearing up and rather annoyed. I am genuinely very scared that I won't get into the program I want, and I'm even more scared that I won't get in anywhere.
It's times like these where I feel like I'm not getting the same level of enthusiastic attention because my intended chosen field of study is so radically different even though Dr. K is proud of me, which is both good and bad. On one hand, it means I have more freedom to do what I want and how I want. On the other... And thinking like that always leaves me feeling ungrateful. :\ Heightened sense of guilt: I appear to have one.
I just... I really hate having to balance any aspect of my future on the actions of others. My entire childhood was like that, with medical issues and having to move every few years. I'm much more relaxed when I have some semblance of complete control over myself and what's happening to me, which is why I started looking up graduate programs in the first place.
But whatever. I just lit a stick of the clove incense I bought, which already smells much more like clove than the stuff I bought at the flea market. I'll e-mail her later and go from there. I'll also e-mail Joffe to see if he or any of his artist friends needs a gofer/intern. I'm really, really good at delivering stuff!
And now for something completely different.
Films I need to look into:
- The Devils
- Caligula (My mom has an anecdote about sneaking out of her house to see this movie when it was first released. I love that anecdote.)
- Salò or the 120 Days of Sodom
- A Serbian Film
I'm realizing that pretty much all the films on this list are heavy on either the sex, the violence, or both. But hey, I also want to see Salt and The Expendables! So...I mean...yeah. >.>
I think next week I'll resume grad school stuff--namely, working on application packets and getting prep material for the GRE. And also calling Direct Loans, so they can walk me through filling out their paperwork. Fun. :|
Oh! But hopefully Monday I can attend the next San Antonio Board Gamers Association meeting! :D They meet twice a week, Mondays and Thursdays. Ruth and I met up with Will there after our excursion and it's pretty awesome. I learned how to play this board game called Rattus (a game set during the time of the Plague) and this card game called Lunch Money, and also finally got to learn how to play Munchkin. I love Munchkin. I also love the art on the cards. See?
^ The box art. Viking with a chainsaw!
If I get to go on Monday, I'll bring Adrian along, and take my travel-friendly copy of Risk with me. Fun times!
And now to conclude this long posts with my favorite Inception macros from yesterday's links.
^ Not a macro, but I love it anyway.
^ Reference
^ Good and hard, Chris Nolan. Good and hard.
^ Definitely a favorite. Makes me think of Claudio.
There are plenty more, but I want to get back to watching the rest of Auto-Tune The News. I'll close this with the video for the You Love You version of "Magnetic Baby", which MySpace will let me watch but not embed because it sucks, and it's not on YouTube yet while the You Love You version of "Semi Precious Weapons" is. WTF.
Doesn't lessen the fact that I totally wish I was the girl in the video. >.>
Not that it kept my inner teenager from giggling immaturely the whole time I was there. I swear I'm twenty-three. Honest!
The store itself had a wide selection of things. Movies, magazines, devices, cleaning supplies... They even had a shelf of books where I tried to find The Ethical Slut, but no dice. (Barnes & Noble, it is!) They also card you the minute you get in the door, which I rather liked. It's well-lit, the aisles are easy to navigate... There were a couple of "WTF?!' items that I seriously hope are just novelty gifts, mainly because they were half Ruth's size and quite possibly as thick as a can of Coke. >.>
Like I said, I didn't buy anything too scandalous. Just some incense and a Playboy and toy cleaner...
It's situations like this, and a conversation I had with Ruth on the way to Whataburger afterward, that make me realize how lucky I am that sex was not a taboo topic at home, even from a young age. If I wanted to know something, I could always ask my parents if I wanted to know something with the expectation that I would get as honest and as appropriate an answer as they could provide. That plus being able to watch shows like Talk Sex and Berman & Berman--shows by women in a position to discuss matters of sexual health--has cultivated what I consider to be a healthy, amused view of sex. It's also probably helped to result in someone who has a lowered sense of self-censorship. I find sometimes that I feel the need to choose my words and topics carefully, because, as I was telling Ruth, "I might say something that seems completely innocuous to me, while still being kind of dirty, but is terribly scandalous to someone else." Or, in other cases, I sometimes forget they've been past the "of age" line for a while and talking about sex won't lead to Chris Hansen showing up at my door. "Why don't you take a sea...oh, I see you've got that covered. Sorry about that. What're you doing here?"
Upon further reflection, I think that perhaps because of my condition, a healthy view of sex becomes even more important. I got linked this interesting article on sex for/with people in wheelchairs yesterday. It's written by a guy with a spinal cord injury, so the article is mainly focused on the possibility of sex following such a thing, which initially made me hesitant to read it because my condition isn't SCI-related. But I'm glad I did, because he raises a good point, which I'll quote here:
People with a physical disability often have a poor self body image, thinking they are damaged goods, broken, somehow less than. This perception or stigma is difficult to change in both the disabled and general public’s mind.
[. . .]
My girlfriend was asked what she sees in me because I’m, “not a whole man.” Resisting the urge to punch them out of their seat she replied, "He’s more man than any I know, I see the man not the wheelchair."]
1. Good girlfriend!
2. She should've totally punched whoever told her that anyway.
So yeah. There was more I was going to say on that subject, but some recent news on my Twitter feed is making me all sorts of uncomfortable and anxious about my future again.
Me: "By any chance, has she said anything about or for me, re: the internship?"
Patricia: "She didn't get your e-mail. She's going to call the Lt. Gen. She is scowl faced at you not doing a bridge w/ stmu classes."
Um...wait, what?How is it my fault that it didn't get scheduled? I was under the distinct impression that everything was being handled and arranged for me. I've been counting on that, and now it's my fault? If I'd been told from the beginning that I was supposed to look into it, I would have, because I may not look it, but I've been very fucking srs bsns about this entire grad school thing. Like right now, I'm sitting here half tearing up and rather annoyed. I am genuinely very scared that I won't get into the program I want, and I'm even more scared that I won't get in anywhere.
It's times like these where I feel like I'm not getting the same level of enthusiastic attention because my intended chosen field of study is so radically different even though Dr. K is proud of me, which is both good and bad. On one hand, it means I have more freedom to do what I want and how I want. On the other... And thinking like that always leaves me feeling ungrateful. :\ Heightened sense of guilt: I appear to have one.
I just... I really hate having to balance any aspect of my future on the actions of others. My entire childhood was like that, with medical issues and having to move every few years. I'm much more relaxed when I have some semblance of complete control over myself and what's happening to me, which is why I started looking up graduate programs in the first place.
But whatever. I just lit a stick of the clove incense I bought, which already smells much more like clove than the stuff I bought at the flea market. I'll e-mail her later and go from there. I'll also e-mail Joffe to see if he or any of his artist friends needs a gofer/intern. I'm really, really good at delivering stuff!
And now for something completely different.
Films I need to look into:
- The Devils
- Caligula (My mom has an anecdote about sneaking out of her house to see this movie when it was first released. I love that anecdote.)
- Salò or the 120 Days of Sodom
- A Serbian Film
I'm realizing that pretty much all the films on this list are heavy on either the sex, the violence, or both. But hey, I also want to see Salt and The Expendables! So...I mean...yeah. >.>
I think next week I'll resume grad school stuff--namely, working on application packets and getting prep material for the GRE. And also calling Direct Loans, so they can walk me through filling out their paperwork. Fun. :|
Oh! But hopefully Monday I can attend the next San Antonio Board Gamers Association meeting! :D They meet twice a week, Mondays and Thursdays. Ruth and I met up with Will there after our excursion and it's pretty awesome. I learned how to play this board game called Rattus (a game set during the time of the Plague) and this card game called Lunch Money, and also finally got to learn how to play Munchkin. I love Munchkin. I also love the art on the cards. See?
^ The box art. Viking with a chainsaw!
If I get to go on Monday, I'll bring Adrian along, and take my travel-friendly copy of Risk with me. Fun times!
And now to conclude this long posts with my favorite Inception macros from yesterday's links.
^ Not a macro, but I love it anyway.
^ Reference
^ Good and hard, Chris Nolan. Good and hard.
^ Definitely a favorite. Makes me think of Claudio.
There are plenty more, but I want to get back to watching the rest of Auto-Tune The News. I'll close this with the video for the You Love You version of "Magnetic Baby", which MySpace will let me watch but not embed because it sucks, and it's not on YouTube yet while the You Love You version of "Semi Precious Weapons" is. WTF.
Doesn't lessen the fact that I totally wish I was the girl in the video. >.>