ARRRRRRRGGGGG!!!!
So this week has been terrible! I had one night of NOTHING to do, so I decided to be craft and such. Other than getting few thank yous from the people who received the crafties (2 actually thanked me when they got them, the others eventually got around to it... sorta), this week has been ok--until yesterday and today. I'm pretty good at organizing and writing things, I know, but when it's a group project and I'm writing the paper with one teammate looking over my shoulder making comments here and there, and the other two teammates doing random things with a word to put into the paper now and then, I get a little stressy-- Granted, this post will not be grammatically correct, since I'm on the verge of ripping my eyes out.
So I became so busy this week, specifically yesterday's 5 hour writing marathon for the paper that was due today, that I forgot that yesterday was Robert's deathday.
The problem is not that I forgot to mourn something that happened 3 years ago. The problem is that I forgot. I got side-tracked, carried away, busy... and I forgot someone that was very special and close to me. I forgot about the call in the middle of the night telling us the bad news. I forgot about the baby blue casket. I forgot about laughing outloud as I exited the church because I tripped and almost ate it while trying to get out of the pew. I forgot. Is this what happens when you die? I know that people cannot dwell over incidents like death and dispair forever, but are we all going to be forgotten when we leave? Some people will always remember you because of how close to them you were and how much you affected their lives. Sometimes you don't even have to be dead for people to forget about you. If this is happening to me while I'm alive, what will happen when I'm dead? Family, of course, will remember me, but what about friends? What about random people that I met and made laugh or smile? What about the people who have already left me for dead and moved on with their lives? I can die tomorrow (which I don't plan on doing, nor any time soon) and people that I have not seen in months, years, and maybe even decades will come to my funeral crying and sad that they never got to see me more. Or will they? As I see it, most of my friends don't want to have much to do with me at all. I've tried making plans, but things just never seem to fit. I've made new friends, of course, but they aren't the same.
Life is just an experience to have fun with. The ultimate goal of living is to live. Do what you need to do to survive, but never lose your humanity; never lose your soul.
I'd have to say that at least one person recognized me this week for something good and it wasn't something that I did to make me successful in the workplace or in school-- I made a card. I cut out the paper, glued the designs and pictures to the card, put his name on it as creatively as I could with the paper, and glued a special, unique note into the card. I did not hear about what a wonderful employee I am and how smart I am, he told me that I did a wonderful job on the card and that he could never do something as creative as I had done. I felt special because he was not telling me that I was great just like everyone else around the office, but because I can do something that made him feel special. I made the cards and cinnamon rolls for the staff members and the Student assistants because I wanted them to feel appreciated for what they do. I wanted everyone to know that even though I'm 9 hours away from my real family, I still feel like I have a family 5 minutes away. I guess some people aren't as open about their feelings as I tend to get, but everyone has their own way of showing thanks and appreciation-- Some people just act nicer, some people send emails, some people tell you in person, and then there are some people that you just know that they liked the kindness.
It's 5:30PM and I'm exhausted. I still have to run today, so as not to break the cycle, but I think I'll run a modified route. Sometimes I wish that crying would not clog up my sinuses so much. I'm going to take a nap and hopefully wake up while there is still a little daylight.
Been so busy that I'm out of food... yay soup and canned veggies....
So I became so busy this week, specifically yesterday's 5 hour writing marathon for the paper that was due today, that I forgot that yesterday was Robert's deathday.
The problem is not that I forgot to mourn something that happened 3 years ago. The problem is that I forgot. I got side-tracked, carried away, busy... and I forgot someone that was very special and close to me. I forgot about the call in the middle of the night telling us the bad news. I forgot about the baby blue casket. I forgot about laughing outloud as I exited the church because I tripped and almost ate it while trying to get out of the pew. I forgot. Is this what happens when you die? I know that people cannot dwell over incidents like death and dispair forever, but are we all going to be forgotten when we leave? Some people will always remember you because of how close to them you were and how much you affected their lives. Sometimes you don't even have to be dead for people to forget about you. If this is happening to me while I'm alive, what will happen when I'm dead? Family, of course, will remember me, but what about friends? What about random people that I met and made laugh or smile? What about the people who have already left me for dead and moved on with their lives? I can die tomorrow (which I don't plan on doing, nor any time soon) and people that I have not seen in months, years, and maybe even decades will come to my funeral crying and sad that they never got to see me more. Or will they? As I see it, most of my friends don't want to have much to do with me at all. I've tried making plans, but things just never seem to fit. I've made new friends, of course, but they aren't the same.
Life is just an experience to have fun with. The ultimate goal of living is to live. Do what you need to do to survive, but never lose your humanity; never lose your soul.
I'd have to say that at least one person recognized me this week for something good and it wasn't something that I did to make me successful in the workplace or in school-- I made a card. I cut out the paper, glued the designs and pictures to the card, put his name on it as creatively as I could with the paper, and glued a special, unique note into the card. I did not hear about what a wonderful employee I am and how smart I am, he told me that I did a wonderful job on the card and that he could never do something as creative as I had done. I felt special because he was not telling me that I was great just like everyone else around the office, but because I can do something that made him feel special. I made the cards and cinnamon rolls for the staff members and the Student assistants because I wanted them to feel appreciated for what they do. I wanted everyone to know that even though I'm 9 hours away from my real family, I still feel like I have a family 5 minutes away. I guess some people aren't as open about their feelings as I tend to get, but everyone has their own way of showing thanks and appreciation-- Some people just act nicer, some people send emails, some people tell you in person, and then there are some people that you just know that they liked the kindness.
It's 5:30PM and I'm exhausted. I still have to run today, so as not to break the cycle, but I think I'll run a modified route. Sometimes I wish that crying would not clog up my sinuses so much. I'm going to take a nap and hopefully wake up while there is still a little daylight.
Been so busy that I'm out of food... yay soup and canned veggies....