my country makes me feel so many things
Yesterday, I had the weirdest moment of... I'm not really sure what to call it. Social justice dissonance? Acceptance dissonance? Someone tell me the best terminology.
Anyways, I had just disembarked the subway, and my gaze immediately fastened on the advertisements lining the walls. I started staring at an H&M ad, but it took me a few seconds to realize why: the two models were women, and they were very much in a couple-pose. One woman was kissing the other on the cheek, which in itself could be construed as just being friendly/sweet, but she also had her arm wrapped around the other woman's waist. You could probably argue that their pose was just that of very affectionate friends, but I think that "romantic" (or "sexual") would be the majority response.
So, yes, I was staring at a wall ad featuring a homosexual couple, and I thought, 'Oh cool, neat! This would never have happened ten years ago.' It made me grin. A small step, but there.
I exited the station, and waited at the corner for the crosswalk light. Across the way, I saw a black man waving his arm for a taxi. A taxi slowed down, almost stopped - the man was already walking towards the door - but then suddenly continued forward a few yards to pick up a white-looking (possibly Asian; not quite sure) couple.
I know that these things happen. I try hard to educate myself and to always be aware; I'd rather be super-sensitive than not sensitive at all to the flow of U.S. society and its problematic relationship with basically everyone that doesn't fit the "default" paradigm.
It still knocked the breath out of me. Even recalling the incident makes my muscles tense. I haven't felt that ashamed in awhile. I wanted to apologize to that man. I wanted to tell him that no one should ever treat someone else like that. I wanted to tell him that that taxi driver was in the wrong and that I hope that couple noticed their privilege (though that makes it worse in a way, because that means they actively took advantage of it). I wanted to stand next to him and help flag down a cab for him. But I didn't do anything but keep walking, looking down, because I didn't know what was appropriate - if anything could have been appropriate in that moment.
Anyways, I had just disembarked the subway, and my gaze immediately fastened on the advertisements lining the walls. I started staring at an H&M ad, but it took me a few seconds to realize why: the two models were women, and they were very much in a couple-pose. One woman was kissing the other on the cheek, which in itself could be construed as just being friendly/sweet, but she also had her arm wrapped around the other woman's waist. You could probably argue that their pose was just that of very affectionate friends, but I think that "romantic" (or "sexual") would be the majority response.
So, yes, I was staring at a wall ad featuring a homosexual couple, and I thought, 'Oh cool, neat! This would never have happened ten years ago.' It made me grin. A small step, but there.
I exited the station, and waited at the corner for the crosswalk light. Across the way, I saw a black man waving his arm for a taxi. A taxi slowed down, almost stopped - the man was already walking towards the door - but then suddenly continued forward a few yards to pick up a white-looking (possibly Asian; not quite sure) couple.
I know that these things happen. I try hard to educate myself and to always be aware; I'd rather be super-sensitive than not sensitive at all to the flow of U.S. society and its problematic relationship with basically everyone that doesn't fit the "default" paradigm.
It still knocked the breath out of me. Even recalling the incident makes my muscles tense. I haven't felt that ashamed in awhile. I wanted to apologize to that man. I wanted to tell him that no one should ever treat someone else like that. I wanted to tell him that that taxi driver was in the wrong and that I hope that couple noticed their privilege (though that makes it worse in a way, because that means they actively took advantage of it). I wanted to stand next to him and help flag down a cab for him. But I didn't do anything but keep walking, looking down, because I didn't know what was appropriate - if anything could have been appropriate in that moment.