I know how you feel...or do I? (part 3 of 3)
In life there some who have an intent on making great impressions and hoping that they can catch that beautiful strangers eye as we move past them on the street, car, train or shopping mall; thus they may go out of their way to draw attention to themselves. It is a primal desire bred into all of the males of most species, the mating dance as it is referred too, for it is this attraction of the sleekest, prettiest, and healthiest of mates that ensures a species will continue on and thrive. We humans take this basic principle and can really make it an emotional nightmare, adding insecurity, control, anger, jealousy and a myriad of other sub-category emotional reagents to an already difficult thing called dating.
No longer is it just enough to find someone that we are comfortable with and act as ourselves. Instead of letting ourselves to flow freely and allowing our innermost person be expressed in our ‘mating dance’, we instead try to mimic the dance of someone else or worse even choreograph a dance that expresses what that beautiful person we desire would be attracted too. We have turned a beautiful thing that is attracting a companion for life into an exercise of pursuit that rivals that of the sneakiest of predators, no longer looking for someone to stand alongside and grow with us but bound by shackles of deceit serving the singular purpose of satiating our lack of self-worth.
The mediums may vary from the internet to the network of friends that “hook us up”. Regardless of the level of technology preventing the transference of our shortcomings outward seems to take precedence in our minds. So we conceal these with false advertising, from those friends or at those sites, that sculpts us into the masterpiece that someone else wishes to find. We then work to live up to this phony person and often lose the comfort and simplicity of being loved for who we are; instead we are now working overtime to keep the lives of who we really are vs. who we are projecting from clashing together.
I don’t understand how one can keep living behind this veil of deceit for any length of time without losing themselves, for the energy you must expend to be something you are not would definitely degenerate you internally until you are emotionally unclear of what you want. The worst part is for the victim of this charade, for while they are playing the role of the fool in this process they are most likely genuinely in love and is the authenticity of their feelings that raises them up so much higher before dropping them down to crash back to the ground. They now become emotionally detached from dating and are suddenly suspicious of the next guy/gal.
That now leads to transference that is almost as bad as us becoming our abusive parents, when we suddenly transfer all the emotional pain we received from one of these charlatans we dated and decide we are going to scrutinize every word, analyze every body movement and rummage around for any signs of behavior that are akin to the liars we’ve fallen prey to in the past. What is supposed to a great experience of getting to know someone turns into a steady search for clues making it feel like you’re in the interrogation room on Law & Order.
There is definitely no desire on my part and I hope on the part of any sane person to want to live their romantic lives playing the suspect, victim or CSI investigator. It would seem too cumbersome a way to plod through the days and weeks enjoying only momentary periods of bliss; only to have them ruined by distrustful episodes filled with pointed questions and barbed comments. The culmination of all the emotional make-up of both persons suddenly ends up wilting a budding romance on the vine and the only lesson learned it seems is to make one more cautious and the other more focused on being a better actor.
Satnam