trying to stay afloat in shallow water
I don't think I can let you do this to me. I'm not going to stand by while you are straddling the fence, testing the water. I can't do that to myself. I don't deserve it. I don't want to be the person that you fall back on when everything else has gone to hell. You either want me, or you don't. I don't want to be the other option. I don't want to be the "number one is busy, so I'll give Kate a call". I can't put my life on hold, holding out for the day you realize it's me.
There are really good people in my life, people that would do anything for me, that enjoy my company, that listen and understand, and they don't even try to sleep with me. People that try to comfort me when I am sad. And people that sit there and listen to me talk on the phone to people sometimes that would do anything to get close enough to me to rip the phone out of my hand and throw it out the window and back over it with a bus. There are these good people, but I don't want them. I tried to. You have to believe me, I really did. It's never anything so good as when I'm with him. I tried to let it be, I tried telling myself that it's okay for me to like these people and want them to be a part of my life, but I couldn't convince myself of that. It's terrible. I see these people almost every single day, and I don't know why. It does nothing for me. They could sit there and tell me how wonderful and deserving of something really great I am, and it doesn't matter, because once we part our seperate ways, I still wait for his call.
I guess I'm really fucking stupid, but then again... so is everybody else. At least I know who and what I want.
There are really good people in my life, people that would do anything for me, that enjoy my company, that listen and understand, and they don't even try to sleep with me. People that try to comfort me when I am sad. And people that sit there and listen to me talk on the phone to people sometimes that would do anything to get close enough to me to rip the phone out of my hand and throw it out the window and back over it with a bus. There are these good people, but I don't want them. I tried to. You have to believe me, I really did. It's never anything so good as when I'm with him. I tried to let it be, I tried telling myself that it's okay for me to like these people and want them to be a part of my life, but I couldn't convince myself of that. It's terrible. I see these people almost every single day, and I don't know why. It does nothing for me. They could sit there and tell me how wonderful and deserving of something really great I am, and it doesn't matter, because once we part our seperate ways, I still wait for his call.
I guess I'm really fucking stupid, but then again... so is everybody else. At least I know who and what I want.