So, this is it
I think this entry is about the fact that I'm okay to be around. A lot of people think so. I'm not devestatingly ugly, I don't take up two seats in the movie theatre, I don't act stupid so people think I'm awesome, I don't drink or do drugs, I'm not a slut, I know how to have fun, I can be very spontaneous, I'm really easy to talk to, and I can understand almost anything. I'm the person you call when you are telling someone a story and you just can't think of the right word to describe what you are saying. I'm okay if I lose a game. I can dress up very pretty, or wear bluejeans and tennis shoes and not care either way. I don't mind sitting around or having really huge plans. I'm at least halfway intelligent. I care about other people a lot more than I care about myself, and I will go out of my way to make sure people are okay. I don't like bugging people. I don't want to be anyone's everything, I want them to have friends and do other things. I don't want to talk on the phone 24/7 or spend every single day together. I don't care if I get hung up on. I'm very available and my schedule is so easy to change. I wake up early (9ish) and go to sleep very late (3ish). I have recently become very into coming home at 3 A.M. I have a lot of time in my day. I don't work very many hours in a week, but I make enough money. I don't get upset when I don't get what I want, and I won't cry to make you want to give me something. I have certain unique things about me that don't make sense to anyone but me, but I'll try and make you understand. I like learning about things I don't know about. Maybe some of these things are new about me, maybe I have changed. But this is just who I am now. Maybe it's apathetic for me to be this way now. But maybe it's for the better.
Oh, also, plans for this year: I'm going to be getting an apartment this fall or winter. I think in Winchester, but maybe not. I'm going to get a new computer next month. I will be house sitting a lot this summer, and maybe babysitting some. I am going to go to some shows, and hopefully leave the area more than once. (I.E. Boston, Philly, Richmond, Norfolk, further west (I don't know yet).)
I don't get it though. I don't know what's good about her. I don't know what's bad about me. All I do know though is that I'm not sitting around anymore, not waiting for his call, not waiting for him to miss me, not answering the phone for him and ignoring anyone else. I'm just not doing it. It's stupid, and pathetic, and childish.
If he wants me, then I know he wouldn't be afraid to ask. My mind has been tricking me into only thinking of our good memories, and that's just stupid for me to fall for those things.
I'm not looking to date anyone or hang out with anyone. I'm not looking for a lover because all those lovers are liars. I want what I had. I'm not waiting for it anymore though. I guess I'm just done. It's stupid to be depressed about things like this. I don't need him. And, besides, why should I wait for someone to come back to me when they obviously don't even want to be with me? That is just stupid.
I'm okay alone. I don't really ever get that lonely. And, besides, all the pain that I'm in - I never let it get to me, and if I do, it lasts for the length of seven songs, and then I dry my eyes, and I'm fine.
And one day, everything will be normal, and I will be okay. I see happy people all the time, and there is no reason why I can't be one of them.
Oh, also, plans for this year: I'm going to be getting an apartment this fall or winter. I think in Winchester, but maybe not. I'm going to get a new computer next month. I will be house sitting a lot this summer, and maybe babysitting some. I am going to go to some shows, and hopefully leave the area more than once. (I.E. Boston, Philly, Richmond, Norfolk, further west (I don't know yet).)
I don't get it though. I don't know what's good about her. I don't know what's bad about me. All I do know though is that I'm not sitting around anymore, not waiting for his call, not waiting for him to miss me, not answering the phone for him and ignoring anyone else. I'm just not doing it. It's stupid, and pathetic, and childish.
If he wants me, then I know he wouldn't be afraid to ask. My mind has been tricking me into only thinking of our good memories, and that's just stupid for me to fall for those things.
I'm not looking to date anyone or hang out with anyone. I'm not looking for a lover because all those lovers are liars. I want what I had. I'm not waiting for it anymore though. I guess I'm just done. It's stupid to be depressed about things like this. I don't need him. And, besides, why should I wait for someone to come back to me when they obviously don't even want to be with me? That is just stupid.
I'm okay alone. I don't really ever get that lonely. And, besides, all the pain that I'm in - I never let it get to me, and if I do, it lasts for the length of seven songs, and then I dry my eyes, and I'm fine.
And one day, everything will be normal, and I will be okay. I see happy people all the time, and there is no reason why I can't be one of them.