I have no faith, but it's all I want, to be loved and believe
Home. But, not loving it.
Glad to be here, but wish I was leaving again.
I think it's been more than a day since I have eaten, but I don't know.
Traveling in time is confusing.
I listened to Conor's voice my whole flight home, even the lay-over time (except when I was waiting in line at Burger King). I hate when I do that to myself.
The last few months days I’ve been living with this couple
Yeah, you know the kind who buy everything in doubles
Yeah, they fit together like a puzzle
I love their love and I am thankful
That someone actually receives the prize that was promised
By all those fairy tales that drugged us
And still to me I’m sick, lonely
No laurel tree, just green envy
But also, I learned something. You can't make someone love you more than they already do or did. They will never love you anymore than they did before. And also, a woman needs to be in love with a man who loves her more than she loves him. Cynthia told me that. Both of those things. I don't know why. She just talked to me for a long time about love. She asked me questions about myself and my love and if I deserve what I am given. Sometimes I didn't know what to say. Other times she opened my eyes to a whole new perspective. She didn't date until she was 26. And she married that guy. She grew up somewhere where people value love. Where it is one of the higest ranking achivements that you can make in your life. And for that, because family is so important to her, she values love as well. No one would blame her though, she loves her love, and she isn't afraid of any implications. I'm green with envy. Because I don't think I even believe in love anymore. I would like to. I would like to think that one day I would be as happy as anyone in love is. But I don't think I will. Even if the relationship I am in now diminishes to nothing, there will always be something. Something irreplacable. Something invaluable. I don't think I can ever be in a "good" relationship. I think I was too trusting early in my life, and I will lose that the older I get. I think I will grow to be an old woman, never having been truely loved by a pair of hands that ever touched me. I'm starting to scare myself.
Anyway, back to other stuff. Well, I got a raise at work. A big one too. I needed that. I was so happy to see my dog today! I thought I would be happy to see someone else too, and I think I was. Except it wasn't very happy.
I don't know what will happen with The Faint next monday in D.C., but if you are sort of interested in going you should let me know. I really want to go with one certain person, but I don't know how long they will deal with me for.
Glad to be here, but wish I was leaving again.
I think it's been more than a day since I have eaten, but I don't know.
Traveling in time is confusing.
I listened to Conor's voice my whole flight home, even the lay-over time (except when I was waiting in line at Burger King). I hate when I do that to myself.
The last few months days I’ve been living with this couple
Yeah, you know the kind who buy everything in doubles
Yeah, they fit together like a puzzle
I love their love and I am thankful
That someone actually receives the prize that was promised
By all those fairy tales that drugged us
And still to me I’m sick, lonely
No laurel tree, just green envy
But also, I learned something. You can't make someone love you more than they already do or did. They will never love you anymore than they did before. And also, a woman needs to be in love with a man who loves her more than she loves him. Cynthia told me that. Both of those things. I don't know why. She just talked to me for a long time about love. She asked me questions about myself and my love and if I deserve what I am given. Sometimes I didn't know what to say. Other times she opened my eyes to a whole new perspective. She didn't date until she was 26. And she married that guy. She grew up somewhere where people value love. Where it is one of the higest ranking achivements that you can make in your life. And for that, because family is so important to her, she values love as well. No one would blame her though, she loves her love, and she isn't afraid of any implications. I'm green with envy. Because I don't think I even believe in love anymore. I would like to. I would like to think that one day I would be as happy as anyone in love is. But I don't think I will. Even if the relationship I am in now diminishes to nothing, there will always be something. Something irreplacable. Something invaluable. I don't think I can ever be in a "good" relationship. I think I was too trusting early in my life, and I will lose that the older I get. I think I will grow to be an old woman, never having been truely loved by a pair of hands that ever touched me. I'm starting to scare myself.
Anyway, back to other stuff. Well, I got a raise at work. A big one too. I needed that. I was so happy to see my dog today! I thought I would be happy to see someone else too, and I think I was. Except it wasn't very happy.
I don't know what will happen with The Faint next monday in D.C., but if you are sort of interested in going you should let me know. I really want to go with one certain person, but I don't know how long they will deal with me for.